Falling out with my mum over sweets for DD1...

[MariaBN6]

Hi everyone.

I don't know what to do. My mum comes and visits us once a year for several weeks. She always brings lots of sweets, and I am very strict about when children can have sweets and how much. I prefer to give dates if she really wants something sweet, and also try and avoid chocolate before bedtime. She has VERY poor apetite, so say if she has a sweetie at 2 pm she won't want any tea, it'll be dinner only for her. However, even though I told my mum MANY times that giving sweets should be only on my permission, she ignores it completely. My daughter knows I am against it (as every time she offers her a chocolate/a sweetie I think it's not the right time!) and now she lies to me. I asked her if she had a sweetie before bath (in a totally normal way, not 'interrogating' her or anything like that) and she told me she hasn't. Sigh. I later found out she did. Maybe it's not such a huge problem but it turns my mum's stay into a nightmare, I am a 'bad cop' now. Whenever I tell her she shouldn't be eating that much sugar, she replies 'there isn't so much sugar in them'. What shall I do? I am frustrated and upset.

It's once a year for a few weeks. I'd let it go to be honest. A few sweets won't hurt your DD. It's really not worth ruining your mum's visit over.

Thanks Tryharder. Well, to be more exact, it's 8 weeks this time. And normally it's more. When she leaves, my daughter expects the same kind of 'treatment'. I guess I am more upset about being ignored than anything else. I don't know how to solve this. Maybe you are right, just let go...

I would let it go.

Grandparents are supposed to sneak chocolate/sweets/nice stuff to their grandchildren and as long as you keep to your rules then your daughter will eventually learn that this is something that grandma does, not mummy and will stop expecting the same treatment from you.

Once a year, even if for several weeks, won't hurt, your daughter will eventually know that as soon as grandma leaves, everything goes back to "normal" and like tryharder say's It's not worth ruining a once a year visit for the sake of a few sweets.

as a dentist not worth the battle just stick to rule no sweets after brushing teeth at night and not within 1 hour of meals, then your mum can give sweets. try to get your mum to give her the sweets as dessert.
if you completely ban stuff it just makes it more attractive to be honest would rather sweets than fizzy juice which does so much damage

If I fell out with my dad every time he bought dd a cake or biscuit the size of a cartwheel, then I'd never speak to him and dd spends one day a week with him. I just write that day off as a bad one and try to ensure that she has a limited amount of sweet stuff the rest of the time. He doesn't do it to annoy me or undermine me, that's just how he likes to treat her (in both sense of the word!). He loves her to bits and tbh, that's more important to me.

Thanks for sharing this, everyone. I don't ban it completely, no, I just give much less and try and replace it with sweet fruit as well.

What a great idea - one day a week! Then I'd be more positive about it... Maybe I should try and introduce this kind of rule... if my mum listens, ha ha. At the moment it's just sweets at random times. She is upset - have a choc, she's had her lunch - what a good girl, have a sweetie, and just out of the blue like the other day - 'can i have a vitamin, mummy?' and my mum goes - 'here's a marshmallow, would you like one?' And that's shortly before tea. Aaargh!

I don't think you should just have to put up with it, although I don't have a solution for you.

It seems totally unjust when our parents continue to treat us like children and refuse to allow us to make decisions about raising our own children. It's horrible to feel powerless and ignored in your own home, and worse when you feel like your children are being taught to view you in a negative manner (eg don't tell mummy, her silly rules aren't important etc..)

It makes me not want to spend time with family, but we haven't got it sussed.

Let me know if you find an amicable solution.

A few sweets won't really matter, although being undermined would really rile me.

If I were you, I'd go through her bags when her back is turned and chuck most of them away.

My SS's nan give them far too much sugar. Think chocolate for breakfast, icecream before bed, milkshakes all day, biscuits constantly. She doesn't stop feeding them crap. Before OH and I got together he lived with his mum with the boys, and as a result my oldest SS had holes in his teeth by the time he was 2. He has just turned 4 and now has 4 fillings, which is not only awful but really embarrassing (I made sure the dentist knew it wasn't me!).

She is a bit better with it now and does give them bananas and raisins as snacks instead some of the time, but I do limit the amount of time they spend round there as a result, and avoid my own going around there if I can help it.

OK I may get flamed for this but it keeps going round my head as it sounds similar to my friend and her ds.

OP, could you be making quite an issue over all eating not just sweets? You comment on your dd not eating very much, are meal times a battle?

If so, would it be worth just relaxing a bit more over all the food your dd consumes for a bit?

It is so easy to get concerned about how much and what our kids eat, sometimes we just need to relax ad go with the flow a bit more.

that said, a diet of sugar drinks and sweets only is not good!

As for being undermined by your Mum, yes it hurts but it is so common for grandparents to do this, talk it through with your Mum but don't take away all the fun for her spoiling your dd