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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I have just been told by a mum that my DD (40 is picking on her DD (4).... WWYD?

17 replies

josben · 14/01/2011 10:14

I feel a bit sick about it, DD only started full time school last week.

The mum said that my DD has been pushing her DD at school in the playground and in class (although they are not in the same class, I think they sometimes get mixed up)

Apparently she hasn't been saying anything, just being a bit rough (DD has 2 older brothers and can be a bit of a boisterous one)

I thought DD was friends with this little girl and they have had playdates and I know her mum resonably well... But now i'm wondering whether I should ask DD to keep out of this girls way, I was also going to go into school at the end of the day to ask DD's teacher if she has noticed anything...

Do you think i am making a big deal of it..? I feel gutted (sad)

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Original poster

josben · 14/01/2011 10:15

Sorry that should've said (4) in the title!!

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suzikettles · 14/01/2011 10:16

If it's just pushing and being a bit rough could you just have a talk to your dd about being gentle with her friend?

Seems a shame to separate them if they're otherwise friends.

coatgate · 14/01/2011 10:17

Talk to the teacher. And try not to worry. Maybe have a chat with your DD about not being too rough with others though.

Original poster

josben · 14/01/2011 10:18

Yes, i will speak to DD about being too rough - i thought she had got a bit more gentle, but obviously not!

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Original poster

josben · 14/01/2011 10:26

Do you think I should go the other way and have the little girl for tea/playdate to try to help the situation?

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kreecherlivesupstairs · 14/01/2011 10:33

How awful. I've been that mum with the rough daughter too. FWIW, my DD's school used to use the golden rules. Nothing is ever a no statement, they were things like we are kind and gentle, we look after property, we are thoughtful etc. Can you introduce something like that.
If your DD enjoys her company, there's no reason not to invite the other girl round.

3andahalfmonkeys · 14/01/2011 10:40

don't worry too much. speak to the teacher. last year when ds1 started full time my son was accused of picking on another girl by the mother. she posted all over Facebook about him being a bully. i spoke to school it was a game if tag that the younger children. were copying from older children but they were hitting in the game

Original poster

josben · 14/01/2011 10:45

The Mum posting it on fb is awful...! I would've been so upset at that... I will talk to DD's teacher - i just hate having to wait till the end of the day, want to get it all sorted...

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mcv1 · 14/01/2011 11:46

speaking as a mum of my dd who has had this kind of thing happen to her i would like to explain what happened in our situation.
First of all i approached the mum of the little girl who was being rough with my dd.
Just like the mum has with you. I dreaded doing this because i didnt know what kind of reaction i would get, as i didnt know the mum that well.
Thankfully she was happy to help and talked to her dd, then we asked the teacher to keep an eye on the sitation. Between us we also arranged a couple of play dates, having older siblings this little girl was on the rough side and also a bit more forward, where as my dd is the eldest may be a bit more gentle and held back abit.
We had a few hicups but it was sorted relitavely quickly.
But the main thing for me was that this little girls mum was willing to deal with the situation.
You are doing the right thing by talking to your daughter and some play dates may help the situation.
claire

Original poster

josben · 14/01/2011 13:44

Thanks for your post MCV1, I am glad that you managed to sort things out - that makes me feel a bit happier.

I do think that having big brothers has made her more forward (and sometimes aggressive) I never worried about Ds1 and Ds2 like this - infact i've sometimes wished they were a bit more up front!

Oh blimey - its not easy... I will speak to her this evening and i will ask the little girl round to play and then make sure that I supervise the play and try and encourage my DD to be more gentle...

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mcv1 · 15/01/2011 21:14

Josben... no its not easy is it, but its made a hec of alot easier if mums work together.
A friend of mine is having similar problems and she approached the mum and got a very negative response, she finds it abit of a joke and basically told my friend to get a grip. Its all become a rather stressfull situation now.
If someone were to approach me, i would do my best to sort the situation and work with the mum and teachers.
It seems to me that your DD has to hold her own having 2 elder siblings, and its probably never been an issue with rough and tumble boys, she just needs a little guidence on how to be a bit more gentle with others. Im sure you will get things sorted.
Claire

Loopymumsy · 16/01/2011 08:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perfectstorm · 17/01/2011 05:26

josben I just want to second that - you sound such a good mum, being concerned about both kids and wanting a way to resolve this happily for everyone. It does just sound as if she is used to 2 older siblings and eough-and-tumble, and needs to learn that outside families you have to go gentler, as people don't always behave the same way.

Bucharest · 17/01/2011 06:58

Don't sweat the small stuff.

Just tell her that it's unkind, that it makes her friend sad, etc, and then leave it.

Tbh, I probably would leave the teacher out of it at this stage, especially as you know the other mother well enough to sort it amicably yourselves.

Bucharest · 17/01/2011 07:08

PS- her behaviour isn't "picking on" either, I'd say...it's just "being 4 in a playground situation with lots of other kids around!"

kbaby · 17/01/2011 13:14

I echo what some of the others have said. Your lucky that this mum has been able to speak to you about it, so at least your aware of the situation. I would chat to your DD and just say that she needs to be a bit gentler with her friend and then just ask the teacher to keep an eye out in school to see if they resolve things.

A similar thing happened between my dd and her best friend, it seemed that my dd was dragging her about by the coat which the friend didnt like. The mum mentioned it to me which I know mustve been awkward for her. I had a chat with DD and explained that her friend didnt like it when she did that and as she was her friend she needed to make sure they didnt upset each other and respected each others feelings. DD went into school the next day and apologised for upsetting the friend and they made up and that was the end of it.

Original poster

josben · 20/01/2011 21:38

thank you for your responses- it's great to hear other mums pov's :-)

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