5 year old DS says he should be dead

[Daisyk8t]

I hope this is normal but I'm having trouble finding anything similar on Mumsnet or elsewhere. My five year old DS gets angry with himself after he has had a tantrum or behaved badly and then says things like "I deserve to be dead". He was rolling round on the floor Xmas eve saying he didn't deserve presents and should be killed - after some bad (over excited) behaviour.

Tonight he went to the kitchen and stood by a knife. I think he's attention seeking and he clearly wanted me to come and see what he was doing - he hadn't picked it up, but was waiting for me.

But... What if he takes this up a notch and does something to himself? Am I just being melodramatic myself?! This is normal, right?

I think you should speak to your health visitor or the GP for some advice. It may be that they think that an assessment from childrens mental health services could be useful? My DD is only 2 and I have no personal expeeince of this. Like you say probably just attention seeking but best to discuss with someone who may have a better insight? Let me know how you get on.

Where did he get that idea from? Do you think he might getting bullied at school? That sounds like an unusual concept to come up with himself :-(

He's not bullied - really sociable little thing. And confident. Just prone to over dramatic reactions ...

I hope.

Hi Daisy wanted to respond.
No, I can't say it's 'normal' but perhaps it would reassure you to know it's a lot more common than admitted. My ds (now 12) has done this since about the same sort of age. Of course I've always noticed and talked to people experiencing similar. Those whose dcs don't say this sort of thing are always rightly horrified.

I'd say give lots and lots of positive self esteeem boosting praise at appropriate times when all is calm but not when your ds is in mid crisis. At crisis times I try to play it very calm, keep the boundaries (e.g. I told you that you are not allowed to play with knives so put that back in the drawer now please.) and not get pulled into a no-win debate. I'm a bad person. No, you're not darling you're a wonderful person. No I'm a terrible person etc ad nauseam.

Thank you. Was wondering about asking him where he got the idea, when he's calm. But I suppose that is not the point really. He has the idea now, so we need to deal with that.

My cousin's DD was similar - after a tantrum/misbehaviour would pull her hair out to punish herself for having done something she shouldn't. It was especially bad at school (her parents aren't the authoritarian type).

I wonder whether some of the ideas from How to Talk so Kids Will Listen might help?

Just checked out the reviews for that on Amazon and ordered it immediately... Have high hopes based on the positive response. Thanks!

I have no advice really, because i havent experienced it myself. It must be awful. You say you thought of speaking to him to see where he got these thoughts from but its not the point.
Maybe if you knew where the idea has come from it may help you to understand?