Poor behaviour at nursery- DS 2.2

[AnnaWulf]

Hi all,

I'd like some advice, please- my DS is 2.2 and my only child so I don't know if this is typcial behaviour or not.

DS is extremely active: always wantes to be outside running around; runs around the house like mad. He is generally very sweet-tempered with the occassional tantrum. He has been described by my MIL as 'wilful' which I would agree with - he is very single- minded about getting his own way.

We do the usual behaviour modification things (some minor time-out) but I would not say he has a behaviour problem- just very, very active.

His conectration is fine when he is interested in something and he communicates well; he seems to understand everything. Speech is a little behind, I would say. I would therefore rule out ASD, deafness and so on.

Thannks if you've read this far!

He goes to nursery 3 days a week. He is in toddler room but basically won't stay in there. Kicks the doors and gates to be out. However, when he's in the preschool room, I have been told that he won't listen to anything that the staff say.He 'runs them off their feet'. :( He also can't really 'play' with the others as he is so much younger so tends to parallel play. (I'm sure he must get on the older ones' nerves).

I don't really know what to do about it. The nursery staff have been fine but they are smiling at me with gritted teeth these days and I get the feeling that he is not the favourite he once was as a litte baby. :(

Don't really know what to do. I'm not sure that they have any kind of strategies there. I guess I should talk to his key worker. They haven't suggested anything ...I just feel that maybe nursery is making him worse? Not the staff, just the slightly chaotic atmosphere. Just to make it clear, I'm not blaming them- but he seems very manic when I pick him up. I think the large number of children is hyping him up a bit.

Don't know what to do,aaaargh! Sorry for the ramble.

Does this sound normal? I dont want him to become the pain in the bum child that people avoid, just because maybe we've been too lax with him.

Sorry for the typing.

You're not being too lax with him, he is 2, thats how 2 year olds behave! Some toddlers are easier than others and it just so happens you have a lively one. If the nursery can't cope with what is normal 2yo behaviour I would seriously reconsider your childcare.

Don't let anyone make you feel bad about this, you sound like you are doing a fab job.

He sounds like a normal 2 year old to me. I work in a nursery with 2 and 3 year olds at the moment, also have lots of experience of pre-schoolers too.
It sounds to me as if your son's needs are not really being met by the nursery.
Children his age need smaller groups, with a calm environmnent. Putting him in pre-school is not working, so they should be looking at what they are doing that isn't working.
Sounds like he needs more outdoor time.
How is the toddler room set out? Ours has lots of different areas, available most of the time.
We have
sand
water
playdough
construction
small world
painting
workshop (craft)
home corner
shop
reading area/ quiet area
markmaking area
Do the nursery staff know what interests your child? Do they plan activities around his interests?
IMO he is far too young to be in the pre-school. I also find that if a child has been in a room for too long then they get bored and start misbehaving. I also find that when a child moves into a more age-appropriate environment, then they flourish and come on in leaps and bounds and the bad behaviour stops. I have seen this many times.

You have described my ds! He is also 2.2, nursery had him outside on tricycles as much as possible, then he is able to play nicely indoors.

He is only able to concentrate on cbeebies and then it is a trance like state!

Ds' key worker says it's a phase, he will get easier. Hopefully yours will too :)

Hi again, thank you so much for the replies....very comforting!

Memoo thanks: that was my (limited) understanding of two year olds, too! I think maybe they expect too much of him. (He is very big for his age; looks about 4).

purepurple Thanks. The toddler room is a bit small and chaotic- not much room to move about and certianly no 'stations' or areas- I think this is the main problem. Due to the weather they haven't taken him out recently and I think this is a major issue- he needs to run and run and just doesn't get a chance to at the moment. :( They are aware that he likes to be out, playing football and running but there doesn't seem to be much opportunity at the moment.

They have a lot of staff turnover at the moment which is not helping.

I think if they got him outside a bit more it would help.He probably is bored, you're right. On my fays off I take him to child-freindly museums and the park which works really well because he can run around and wear himself out.

SeaShell I'm glad I'm not the only one! Exhausting, isn't it? I am always glad for Waybuloo.

Hopefully they will move on to a new phase soon.

Thanks all- I will talk to his key worker but we may have to look for somewhere else. It will be a shame- he loves going there and is very attached to his keyworker.

Bumping to say that I spoke to his key worker and the management today.

I picked him up just before lunch and he was in the preschool room again. The rest of the children were sat down having a story but of course DS was stood up, exploring the room.

Long story short- they are happy with him moving in and out of the toddler room to the pres-school room as long as he is happy (I have to admit, he does seem happy).

I explained that I was concerned that he was in a room with children nearly 2 years older than him and that he couldn't be expected to act in the same way- and they were fine about that.

I explained that he was active and that he needed a lot of running about and again, they were fine about it.

I don't know- on the surface, they were all very nice and happy for him just to do his thing. I feel uneasy for some reason, though-I get the sense that one or two of the preschool staff are unhappy with his 'behaviour'...but he's only 2, FFS!

They asked me what 'stategies' I had- well, I wear him out! He's 2, he is not going to respond to naughty step-type techniques. I don't like getting the feeling that they are unhappy with him. I might be imagining it, though.

I'm glad you got w chance to talk to them and air your concerns :)

No wonder the preschool staff have problems with his behavior-they are used to kids twice his age!

I find time out works with my 2yo- only for short periods (30seconds even) just enough to calm him down then we say sorry and go and play a new activity or game. It seems to work for him, but each parent and child are different!

Hmmmm, tricky... you are completely right that he shouldn't really be disciplined for "being a 2 year old"- well especially when it's not harming anyone else.

Can they get him outside? I've got this concern with my daughter's nursery too- they were oh so keen on showing me the outdoor space when I got her in, but in reality I don't think they go out in the winter.

It's not that hard to put on a coat is it though!!?

At my son's nursery at this age he was outside twice a day and this is what he needed. He is also big for his age and it's annoying when people have the wrong expectations due to it (nursery staff should know better though!).

My sister is in Sweden where the children are out in the morning for 2 hours a day- or the younger ones maybe a little less, but they are out in all weathers. The under 5s are out in rain, snow etc etc- the rule is they go out unless it's colder than -10 . There is a saying there is no bad weathy
It might be worth looking round some other nurseries if you are unhappy, and instincts are important with these things. See what else is on offer- his needs are different now he's a toddler

whoops that should be just bad weather clothes!

Tggr-we have that saying in our house :)

Thanks- they have been very receptive recently but still don't appear to be taking the kids out! It's not even that cold, FFS.

I totally agree- no bad weather, only bad weather clothes!

Funnily enough I was just talking to someone about the Swedish situation....do I know you, Tggr? :)

Ooo I don't know!!!

Was chuffed that my daughter had been out at nursery today. Had been tramping right round the playing field (they have fantastic grounds!) and had done her nap like a good girl (having not napped at home the last two days, although she does normally). She's 2 and 2 months.

SeaShells...meant to say thanks for the time-out suggestion. I do try and do it but I am very inconsistent. Will keep trying!

Tggr, sounds like a perfect day at nursery!:)

EYFS requirements state.

National Standards

Play underpins the delivery of all the EYFS. Children must have opportunities to play indoors and
outdoors. All early years providers must have access to an outdoor play area which can benefit
the children. If a setting does not have direct access to an outdoor play area then they must make
arrangements for daily opportunities for outdoor play in an appropriate nearby location.

Maybe you should quote this to your Nursery.

The standard above is:

Play: 1.16.

Hi there, just wanted to add, although v similar to other ladies.
My son is 2.5 and is EXACTLY the same, he is incredibly energetic, my mum too has described him as wilful! He is a real handful, but same as your son, can sit and concentrate when he wants to, he can be very gentle and sweet at times. So they sound very similar.

My sons playgroup group is ages 2-4 so it really is quite a range, however the younger ones have much more one on one time with their key workers. They play out EVERY day regardless of weather, they were out in the snow! only rain keeps them indoors. Wrapped up warm they love it.
When he first started there was no way he would sit still for story time, and when the parents come to collect the children they all have to sit on chairs, bags on laps and wait until they are called through to the main room to go home, again my son would no WAY sit on a chair and wait for someone for the first few weeks. However, he now does (and it still amazes me!) he sits for story time, he still races about but his "play" is developing, his speech has improved dramatically since starting playgroup and I put it all down to the care he receives there.
My advice would be to trust your instinct, if it doesn't "feel" right to you then could you try to find somewhere else? You should NEVER be able to feel like your son is a burden or not behaving as they would like, they are experienced and trained in dealing with this age group and should adapt his play to suit his personality. He sounds like a very normal energetic 2 year old!
I would also say, it may get better in time, my son is that little bit older than yours and I cant tell you the difference playgroup has made to him, but he too was manic when he first started.
Hope that helps! Take care
K

Thanks shoshe...I'm going to give it a couple of weeks. They said this week that he had settled down a lot (and is admittedly very happy) although maybe they are saying that as they are worried about ££££s walking out of the door...

K- are you me? :) Glad to hear I am not alone!

Im you in the future!! Really hope it all gets better, am sure it will x