How do I help my 6yo dd become more assertive?

[mananamanana]

DD1 has always been a peacekeeper and is very receptive to other peoples feelings and has understood the impact of behaviour on other people from a really young age - ie able to negotiate and share toys etc really happily. Whilst this was great for her and I worried that she risks being a bit of a doormat as she grows older. (DD2 is completely the opposite)

There is one situation recently involving her and two other girls which is making me worry that perhaps she needs to be a bit more assertive every now and again.

Current situation is that we walk to school with another close friend and then meet up with another friend along the way - dd1 and first friend are v close (known each other since they were about a year old - first friend and second friend have become close friends since school started) - second friend is quite manipulative and precocious - often tries to drag first friend away from dd1 - dd1 just accepts it but is getting really upset about it - I've tried to encourge her to run along and join them (which she is reluctant to do so) this is just one example, but I really want find ways to increase her confidence and not to be so upset by others actions.

I know that the dynamics of friendships are really difficult - particularly groups of threes - but I just want to give her some skills to help her get through being a little girl and with the least pain possible.

Strategies and advice would be most welcome!

bumping as now back from the school run :)

Oh how sad. I'm due in the next couple of weeks and just started looking at this topic thread out of curiousity but didn't want your question to go unanswered. I've always participated in martial arts training and I think the right martial art can be a really good avenue for assertive training. Shorinji kempo is very good but it's not too common in the UK.

Thank you for your post - I'm not quite sure she's ready for martial arts yet.

A few years ago we practised saying 'No - don't hit me' or 'Give that back to me' in a loud confident voice which had some positive results.

I can remember when she was a baby she'd never hit back if another child hit her - I can remember when she was about 2 or 3 and another child bit her and all she could say was 'Why did he do that to me?' :(

At home she can be more than assertive when she wants to be - and I try and lead by example, but know that if someone has upset me I find it difficult to raise it with the other person - I'm fine in a work capacity, but on a personal level its very difficult.

bump

Sounds like your you DD has some lovely qualities.

The strategies that helped my DD was learning to talk assertively, if you keep this up it will pay off. I also enrolled my DD in a Drama groups - this helped loads, and also sports both team stuf and individual helped her confidence.

Now, years on, she very well respected by her class mates for being caring and thoughtful and very very sporty

thank you - glad to hear that that learning to talk assertively helped - good idea about drama classes too - she was talking about drama club the other day so she may well be interested.

happy to hear that your dd has continued to be caring and thoughtful - they're such overlooked qualities but so important I think.