nearly 3 year old keeps hitting 9 month old sister - normal?

[decaffeinated]

He has, until now, been on the whole pretty good with her, but has just started hitting her with venom.

He is getting over flu, which has left him with a croupy cough, so I'm hoping it'll pass, but he's really hurting her, throwing toys, kicking her, and pushing her over.

Is it normal? How do you handle it? I get so cross, but then I also feel for him as he must be feeling so knackered and rough from the constant coughing. He keeps saying he's tired, which for his age is saying something - he usually denies it vigorously!

If he wasn't hurting her, I would ignore it, but I don't want him to hurt her, and I don't want him to think it's okay to hit out, even if you are feeling crap.

I wonder also whether he's frustrated as she is v. clingy at the mo, and either trying to play with his toys (which I divert her away from), or wanting me to carry her (which I try and counter with lots of attention for him when she's napping).

In a right old pickle with it. How did/do you handle it?

I would straight away think he's jealous.
Your dd in now 9 months and so will be moving around more, touching his toys and you'll be watching her more actively so she doesn't get into scrapes etc.

Your DS will see this and think that he should be getting more attention.

If it were me, I would:
a)pick up DS when he's been mean to her, remove him from the room and tell him "mummy will not be talking to you until you can stop hurting DD". He is old enough to grasp that you ignoring him means less attention and so will then be good.

b)Try to spend some quality time (which you are trying to so anyway) with him on his own when she's napping etc. Make sure you say something like "isn't it lovely for just me and you to have some time together" etc

c) try to get him to do more things for his sister; helpoing you put on her shoes/drawing her a picture and putting it up in her room etc so he feels incorporated into her life and it's just her and him separately.

Hope this helps.

unfortunately it is quite normal and will continue, esp when you are not looking.

vintage gave some good tips!