attitude of my 6 year old DD

[kbaby]

Hi,

Im looking for some advice. I have a dd6 and ds4.

My DD is generally a good, polite girl until she comes home from school. Her teachers say she gets on well with everyone in class and is very friendly and polite.

However at home she is the opposite. She hasnt always been like it but definetly in the last 9 months she seems to have changed into a hormonal teenager.

Anything she says is said with an attitude and a tone to her voice. Its not quite what she is saying but the way in which she says it.
For example tonight she played in her bedroom and got all her toys out so later on in the evening I said to her to tidy her bedroom before bed her reply was' No can you do it' I replied that I had already tidied some of it and now its her turn to finish the rest she then said 'Dont you speak to me like that'

Now I know that this and the other things she says are sayings that I have said to her ie dont speak to me like that, stop being so cheeky, less of the attitude etc etc. So in a way she is coppying my behaviour. But I dont know what else to do to stop her from being so argumentitive and cheeky. We used to use the naughty step for any bad behaviour but it doesnt seem to have an effect any more. I just now find myself saying 'dont be so cheeky please or you will be going to bed early' and then hear her say it to her brother a while later when hes naughty. I'm not a shouty person but do say this with some authority in the hope she will listen but it seems she doesnt but just copies my behaviour.
I need some tips on how else to stop her from having an attitude without resorting to using the above phrases for example.

Its hard to describe it but imagine vicky pollard of little britain and the way she speaks ie 'whaeverr...' thats the way my dd is speaking.

I think most kids go thro this phase, its usually short lived, they are just discovering themselves and caused and effect, dont stand any nonsense. I find bribery and holding my ground tends to work in the end. I ask my DS to do something if he says no, in whatever fashion i tell him i'll count to 3 and if he hasnt done it, started etc then i'll take something away, or he can forget the thing he was looking forward to etc. When i get to 3 i stand my ground and make sure i dont back down.

The problem I'm finding is that I can deal with her refusing to do stuff because then I put her on The naughty step its when a simple question is replied with a sarcastic tone or an attitude. When do I decide the way in which she says something is not acceptable?

I'm thinking of sitting down with her and having a chat about her behaviour and setting consequences or house rules. Do you think she is at am age where she will understand the way she is speaking? Will the naughty step work or should I try something else.
Part of me felt it was a phase and would pass but now I feel It's good on long enough and if I don't deal with it now she will feel it is acceptable to speak to people that way. Tonight we came in from school and she said with no prior conversation 'will you just do my dinner now' written down what she said isn't bad but it was an order said with attitude and there was no need for it to be said in such a way.

She's 6 - she's old enough to know that what she is doing is not acceptable and she is just trying to see what you are going to do about it.

So yes, I'd sit her down and explain that you are Mummy and you do the telling in your house (DH too if there's one) not her. That she isn't to tell her brother off and she isn't to tell you off and that if she speaks rudely to you there will be consequences!

I find a 'Who.Do.You.Think.You.Are.Talking.To?' with the compulsory raised eyebrow works a treat.

BUT do not keep asking her to behave/speak nicely/not tell her brother off/speak to you like that etc - simply apply the punishment - she already knows the crime!

I'm not a huge fan of 'the naughty step/time out' but whatever works for you. Make her sit on the step (or whatever) until you say she can move. Then tell her if she's had time to reflect on her tone of voice she can move. Keep repeating as and when necessary. Don't adhere to the 6 minute thing - do it for as long as you think it takes for her to get suitably bored with being there.

Or make her punishment something entirely different - but don't warn and do follow through. Simply say 'I wont be spoken to like that - xxxxx' (with xxxxx being whatever punishment/consequence you have decided on) loss of pocket money/screen time/friend to play/staying up/whatever.

It's important to sort this out now before it becomes a real habit.

My DD has just turned 7 and she gives me attitute, not all the time but more when she is tired.
Ive spoken to her and she realises that the way she speaks to me is wrong, it improves slightly then goes back a few days later.
So i took her favorite toy in this case her DS and told her when she stopped the attitude she would get her ds back.
That worked well.
Now if she gives me attitute her ds is taken for a specified length of time.
I think they all go through it at some point
claire x

Well I had a chat with her and said that I wasnt putting up with it any longer as it is cheeky and no one deserves to be spoken to in such a way. I said that I thought we could do a behaviour chart and the consequences would be 10 red marks and she wouldnt go up nannies to sleep.

She thought this was a good idea and her and ds4 designed a book, if shes naughty she has a red flower, she also came up with green flower for good and orange for ok!!
we started saturday and she will colour in the flowers at the end of the night.

It seems to be working as she knows without me telling her thats she has been naughty/cheeky and goes and finds the chart and colours it in. So far were on 1 green, 1 orange and 1 red flower.

I hope it continues and wont slide when theres no longer a chart to fill in.

i have the exact same with dd aged 4 infact you could be describing her.

im at a loss aswell, i tend not to use naughty step but send her to her room, and tell her she can come down when she is ready to talk in a respectfull way. i leave her 10 mins max and call her down and chat about making an effort to talk niely etc etc. if she is rude or interupts me she gets sent back up untill i have the chance to finish what i need to say with out any verbal from her. this works as she gets fed up going and down the stairs but it doesnt seem to prevent it.

at the moment i am using something she wants as an incentive but ts having very little effect yo be honest.

I am going through the exact thing with my 6yr old and am relieved to find that I am not alone! I expected this kind of behaviour to have passed by this age but the more I read the more normal it appears to be.

It is very tough! I think 6 is a transitional age, not little girl but not quite big girl, they are being pushed a lot more at school and want to be more independent.

We have tried giving more responsibility at home, eg. loading dishwasher after dinner, tidying room etc which seems to help with giving independence and the feeling of being more grown up. We also use time out if all else fails and it does work if used consistently, it also gives everyone a chance to calm down!

We have also found that there is often something behind the behaviour, ie. worries about school or friends so we have found it important to enable her to talk to us about any 'worries', once she has had a chat and we have helped her work through it her behaviour improves markedly.

Unfortunately I think it is true that parenting doesn't actually get easier but the challenges change with different ages and stages!

I found a book called 123 Magic very helpful in dealing with my 6 year old.