PLEASE help! sensitive ds unhappy at nursery

[HellinArcher]

can anyone suggest ideas for how I can help ds, 3.8yo please?

It's just me and ds at home so he is used to lots of one-on-one attention. he is also utterly bonded to me - he has gps he loves and sees them every few weeks. my DH died when I was pg, so he has never had a father around.

Problem 1: he is v sensitive and not remotely assertive. If something happens that he doesn't like, he cries. a lot. For example we were in the park playing near 2 little girls, one roared at him and the other said he couldn't play with them because he was a monster. ds cried. Now I wouldn't like being roared at or told I was a monster, but he gets very bothered by this sort of thing, he can't cope with it or deflect it at all. Another eg - someone at nursery took his painting, and instead of taking it back, he cried, got himself very worked up apparently.

Problem 2: he has been going to his lovely nursery for a year and is getting worse and worse at being left. Not just crying when I go, but crying through breakfast, all the way there and then having absolute hysterics when I leave. He used to be fine. He can't tell me anything he doesn't like about nursery, his problem is that I'm not staying with him. He tells me over and over "but I just love you and I want you to stay at nursery with me".

I don't have an alternative, I am retraining at the moment, he goes to nursery 3 days a week and the other 4 he has me to himself pretty much - we see friends, but I'm with him the whole time.

He will start school in September so I don't want to change his childcare for a few months. and I have no problems with the nursery they are great.

What can I do to help him? Getting v and desperate here.

You have had some good tips and advice here hellin and i hope you find something that works for you.
Your DS does sound very much like my DS quite boyish but sensetive souls too. For me its good to know that i am not alone, that its not just my boy like this and hearing from others that it will get better.
It can be stressfull and heartbreaking at times. But be strong and there is support here when you need it x
claire

HellinArcher you ok?

I'd look at a childminder, tbh. Lots of individual love and attention, and a good cm will provide that. Group, institutional care plainly isn't working for him.

I'm so sorry. It must be hell seeing him like this. But I do think something needs to be altered if he is this distressed by nursery. It may be lovely on paper, but to him it's obviously hell. And he's very tiny to cope with this level of anxiety.

hello again, doing ok. had the usual days at home and he loved being with me. talked a bit about going back to nursery today and I have introduced the Magic Bracelet from the Elizaebth Pantley book recommended up thread.

He liked the idea of the bracelet and wore it but was devastated at being left this morning. I went off for a chat with the nursery manager and we're going to try a few things. I sneaked out having seen that he had calmed down and was happily looking at a story with someone.

Today he had a very quiet day, he read lots of books with his keyworker and chose to stay inside nursery doing that rather than go to the park with everyone else . He was waiting for me this afternoon and had been asking for me, but was bouncing about telling me happily about what he'd had for tea.

he used to have a fabulous cm, but she gave up and for some reason there are very few decent cms round here, though I am keeping a look out. I think he will do really well at school, he will be in a very small 1FE setting and he loves letters, numbers etc and structure. It's just getting him through until Sept.

Will press on with all the ideas here and if things are no better in a few weeks I will have to think again.

Hello. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I am sorry if this has been mentioned before, I haven't had time to read the thread, but have you looked at alternative settings including child minders/ nanny?

It may be that the nursery just doesn't particularly suit him. I think quieter children don't always thrive in a nursery environment.

It sounds as though it is particularly beneficial for him to form very strong bonds with a few people which a CM would offer, rather than the rough and tumble of a nursery.

It must be awful for you seeing him like this but I would definitely consider other options rather than give up your retraining.

My dd is a sensitive soul too and I worry about her but I think its important to see that there is a place in the world for sensitive souls. They often have lovely gentle characteristics. I am sure you do but I think its important to praise those things too.

Too often education and childcare settings serve the more boisterous dc better (I have one of these dds too!)

Do a laminated sheet or little booklet of family photos- you, other relatives, pets etc. Send it in with him. Do they do 'treasure boxes' to send home or a teddy that comes home for the weekend?

I have come back to update ... we have tried and tried. Talked about nursery, how to make it better, how to join in, how to cope when things don't work. Got the staff ensuring he gets quiet time when it is all too loud. Bought the Elizabeth Pantley book, tried the bracelet (he loves this and says it helps but I can't see any difference when he's sobbing in the morning).

So - enough is enough. I'm taking him out.

Good CMs are few and far between here, but I have found two who have vacancies and have everything crossed that one of them will work out. They both sound lovely but who knows, until we meet them. I think he has got to have the company of children and continue to socialise before he starts school for a start.

If it doesn't, well I will just have to put off the course for a year.

My poor ds, he is too too sad about all this, noone should have to worry like this when they are only 3.

Thank you everyone for your help and input.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you both.