3yo and 4mo, how do you manage?

[twinkleymum]

I just dont seem to be able to manage 2 children. DD1 now 3yo is having tantrums makes BF DD2 very difficult. DD2 has reflux and also wakes every 1-2 hours through the night. I'm so tired! It has affected my mild supply as DD2 spent 2 hours screaming her head off the other day, refusing BF but eventually I gave her formula as last resort and she drunk 3oz and then was fine. DD1 plays up when DD2 shouts, which seems to be all the time since she discovered she could do it last week. I dont like to go out as cant control DD1 and dont like to BF DD2 in public as she fusses and thrashes about. DD1 would just run off anyway, she wont sit in a highchair anymore or wear reigns, not surprising as she is 3, but I cant stop her from running off. I dont know what to do, I'm so tired and cant see any light at the end of the tunnel, just seems like each day is extremely long and stressful. DD1 does go to preschool and I still find it hard. DH is really good too but works long hours. I manage to get them in bed by 7.30pm and then just eat and go to bed ready for the 1-2 hour wakings all night. I feel like I dont exist really, and I'm not getting much enjoyment out of being a Mum and neither are my 2 children I'm sure, which makes me very sad

I meant 'milk' supply.

Twinkly, I didn't want your post to go unanswered. In truth it's tough at this stage. Both your children are demanding in totally different ways. It's also hard to see clearly when you are so totally exhausted. My dd2 is now 10 months and although she is on the move things are so much easier. I think I just existed during the first 6 months and I felt crap about not being able to give my best to either child. In hinsight we did ok and you are too.

Do you have a sling for the baby? Mine was a godsend. How does you dd respond to sticker charts/marble jars? If well you could reward her for helping you, not screaming etc. I found lots of snacks and cbeebies helped in the early days. Have you got a children's centre or somewhere you can take both of them in a safe environment? Could your dh have the baby for a couple of hours at the weekend so your dd gets some special time with you? This is probably what she us missing.

Overall, i think if you can except it's hard and not expect too much of yourselfbut that it won't last forever it could help you feel less bad about yourself. Honestly it is hard but it will get easier!

Sorry if this is a bit disjointed. On my iPhone and in bed with a bug (not great with 2 dds!)

All I can send it's lots of sympathy to you and your family. The first year is so hard!

It;s hard for you because of the tiredness and not being able to devote yourself totally to everyone.

Your dh probably wishes he could help more.

Your dd1 probably gets distressed by dd2's crying and the fact that mummy has to deal with and spend lots of time with dd2.

Dd2 has to put up with reflux.

It gets better- I promise! I was a zombie until my babies were almost a year old.

In the mean time do you have a sling so you can hold onto dd1's hand or one of those reins which connects dd1 to the buggy? If your dh works Mon-Fri then maybe he could do dd1 friendly activities with her at the weekend? Dd1 will get more interested and interact with dd2 as she gets older which is hopefully when she will start behaving better and you can breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy things.

The age gap of my dc is very similar and it can be a bit of a struggle, but ds1 loved feeds for dd because i read to him and it coul be uninterrupted (tho I did have a permanent crick in my neck). Also recommend sling, encouraging dc1 to be a "helper" (get nappies out, find muslin, etc), eating as much asposs yourself late afternoon to boost the evening milk and reminding yourself that it will pass!

I have a DD age three and a DS age 6months. It is hard going, although we don;t have to sope with reflux. In fact my brain is falling apart right now but have a couple of minor suggestions.

In addition to DH doing dd1 friendly activities on the weekend, could he also take DD2 for a period to give your DD some time alone with you?

It's very hard with the reflux situation. DD1 is probably as stressed about it as you. Can you talk to her about how she feels when the baby cries. It might help.

DD also likes being a little helper.

I find Ceebeebies a great help while bf. In fact, DD won't do ANYTHING else while DS is latched. I let it slide as it makes life much easier.

Can you get her in a car to a park or soft play where DD! can run around? Playdates with friends at their houses? My mantra is, Get Out Of The House, although you have said you find this difficult. For me, it is harder coping with two while staring at a pile of ironing and washing up.

We also could afford a cleaner once a week which makes a huge difference to my stress levels. Could you?

We do tonnes of sticking and painting - I can get her to do this while bf although DS's latch gets mightily disturbed. Might not be the best for reflux.

If your DD1 is into books there's a book called 'Silly Baby' which is good for unleashing toddlers frustration with baby.

ummm...hope one of those might be of some help... off to collapse.

Poor you! I have a 2.8 year old dd and a 4 month old dd so I sympathise! In only 2 months, which is only a few weeks really, your baby will be 6 months old and will almost definitely be past the current growth spurt and sleeping better and it'll get easier, just hang on in there and it'll all be a distant memory soon! She could start sleeping better even in a week's time, these things change so suddenly sometimes.

I third the sling, I put my dd2 on my back in my manduca, which is like an ergo, and I do loads, like cooking and playing football in the garden with dd1, and she conks out in there.

Don't feel guilty about tv. It's only a few months. We'll get through it!