11 month DS - normal behaviour? What am I doing wrong?

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I am in tears today at DS's behaviour, and just need to ask some others mums if what he is doing is normal, and what I should be differently.

He has always been quite high maintenance, was a real cling-on for the first few months but is much better now thank god. He is very tall (99.6th centile) and very strong and physical IYSWIM, he was usually the first to roll/sit-up/crawl/stand/cruise out of our friends and is much more into climbing about and investigating his environment than most other babies I know. He is never still and is a real ball of energy.

If he does something wrong, I warn him, then if he keeps doing it I move him saying No! and then distract him with something else. He seems to understand no, and will test it out e.g. if told not to touch the tv he will then reach out his finger towards it slowly watching me. At home he will amuse himself happily by climbing around on the furniture, pushing things along.

The problem is that he is a nightmare out of the house, at other peoples houses and softplay; he wants to open every drawer and cupboard, knocks things over, plays with every toy especially if another baby has it and pushes over/hits/sits on other babies.

I spoke to the HV (well, a NN at the HV clinic) about it and she wasn't worried, she thought it was probably just that he is a bit physically ahead of the other babies I am used to and socialise with so e.g. he looks like he is always pushing over other babies but if they were both the same size and strength it would be 50:50 who would be falling over.

I had to leave soft play in tears today as despite my constant hovering he had made several other babies cry in split seconds when I was distracted and I just felt terribly guilty although the other mums were lovely about it.

I love him dearly. I just don't want him to be the demon child that people talk about with horror :( nor do I want to be constantly telling him off.

Am I just being PFB and overanalysing it? What else can I do? Please be gentle, I feel like the worst parent in the world at the moment.

You are worrying too much. Toddlers are physically clumsy and as your son is bigger and more physical than others then he's more likely to seem more rough.

Keep on apologising to the kids if he does hurt them. It won't be long until your ds has to play with the bigger children at softplay and be at the mercy of older kids.

I would keep on doing the distracting, removing and saying no. When he's older you can start disciplining. In the mean time, forget other parents and focus on your ds and yourself. Many parents will understand that there's only so much you can do until his understanding improves.

He sounds totally normal with regards to his nosiness in new surroundings. I remember the embarrassment at my toddlers opening drawers and cupboards in new surroundings like the GPs!!

Sounds perfectly normal to me. My son is the same regards nosiness and never sitting still....he was attempting to climb from back of sofa onto windowsill earlier...god help me!! He doesn't really push kids or is aggressive to other kids but then generally he is with older kids bigger than him. I would go with what the HV said. Your son is bigger and more advanced than kids his age. Very few kids are good at sharing and generally always want what another kid has. Plus kids cry....don't think that those kids would not cry if your son wasn't there!! Maybe your son can sense some of your anxiety and that could make him a bit anxious too. What's he like with kids older than him?

Don't worry, your HV is right. He's just a bit ahead of his peers in physical development, but not in behaviour . It's always a bit of a prob when little ones are so physically able.

My advice... get to know some parents with older children- 2 or 3 year old boys are recommended!!!! Seriously - consider going to a playgroup with older ones- maybe 18 mths, ones who can meet him physically.

If you go and experience older toddlers "playing" you will be able to get your son's behaviour in context . Knocking over etc is part of the course really.....

My friend had a younger boy who when he was 2 was the size of most of the 3.5 year old older siblings, he really enjoyed doing rough and tumble with my son!

My daughter was an angel, when i said no she never tested me, i could take her anywhere. she didnt get the terrible two's or trying three's. Even going shopping she never threw a tantrum when i told her she couldnt have something she got her eye on.
Then along came my son and what a shock to the system he was.
when we went to toddlers i went to all the mums with babies and explained that he loved babies and would make a bee line for them but he was rather clumsy at times and also a loving stroke on the face could be followed by a slap, and although i kept an eye on him if he ever went to their babies and i hadnt seen him to be carefull or just shoo him away. They were all very understanding.
keep persivearing with the no and distraction, esp when he is seeing how much he can get away with, it will soon sink in for him

can i just also say that we all go through it at some point and in situations like the soft play area its not what the child is doing so much but how the parent reacts to it. When i took my little girl to toddlers there was a little boy who would take off her what ever she had and he wasnt very nice to her, I would get annoyed because the mother wouldnt do anything about it, she was more interested in texting on her phone and leaving her son to his own devices.
However if she had come over and told him no then that wouldnt of upset me like it did. You sound like a mum who has a watchfull eye on your little one, you cant keep an eye on him every single second, sounds like you are doing a fine job.
claire

Sounds completely normal to me too. DD is much the same, bigger and stronger than a lot of her peers but just the same behaviourly.

It's quite funny seeing her alongside older children sometimes...the same size wise, but clearly younger in terms of behaviour and understanding.

I wouldn't be surprised if in future we have problems with other parents thinking she's older than she is, and expecting too much of her in future.

As PP said, I don't think any parent should be critical of a child being over-zealous. But should look to the other parent for action/apology.

That said, I do make an effort to stick to my normal way of dealing with DD if she hurts someone. I think sometimes other parents expect us all to deal with our children in the same way as them, and we feel we should be seen to be doing "something". I will always apologise on her behalf, but I'm not into punishment.

Just do your thing, and not let anyone else put you off socialising with your little boy x