Seriously considering sending dd to school in pyjamas, with no breakfast.

[PrettyCandles]

Anybody done this? Did it change anything, preferably for the better?

Struggling to cope with dd's tantrums on schoolday mornings. It's not every day, but TBH we're lucky if w get 2 tantrum-free mornings per week. Sometimes dh or I dress her instead of waking her, and she wakes up slowly and calmly, but it's not a solution. Fir one thng, she is still as likely to wake furious, though at least she's dressed. And for another, she needs to dress herself, she's eight and perfectly capable.

She usually settles down a bit by th time we leave the house, but by then we're usually late.

We've talked with the school, they've tried to find out if there is any problem. She's doing well, has friends, enjoys lessons. The tantrums are worst on one particular day when there is a lesson she doesn't like - though her teacher says her work in that lesson is extremely good and there is no indication in her behaviour that that lesson is a problem.

We are reaching the ends of our tethers, and dd's behaviour is having an unpleasant influence on all of us.

Would it be unreasonable to not dress her, but send her to school dressed in whatever she is wearing at 8.15 - even if that is pyjamas?

I dumped dd1 outside in her knickers and vest once. Her clothes followed shortly after. She got dressed faster than I have ever seen before. Things got better for a few weeks and then back to square one again.

This morning has been good. She had two alarms set. Alarm 1 tells her it is time to wake up. If she is fully dressed by the time alarm two goes off, half an hour later, she gets a sticker. 5 stickers can be traded for her favourite magazine.

I'll let you know if it works on Friday.

how old is she? I have only once taken DD to school in her nighty because she twatted about so much and refused to get dressed. She was around 4 at the time though and just wore spare uniform from the school nurse.

YANBU.

I'd wake her up at 6 and send her to bed at 6.30 at night as she's clearly still tired in the morning and needs extra waking up time.

She's eight years old, if you don't crack it soon you'll be sending her in pants and bra! LOL

We don't think it is tiredness, we think it's bloody-mindedness.

Last term the lesson she hates was on a Thursday. Monday mornings would be grumbly "it's not fair why do I have to go to school" but co-operative. Tuesday and Wednesday would be escalating tantrums, peaking with the worst tantrums of all on Thursday. Friday would be co-operative and calm again.

I did it. Made DS2 walk to school in his pants, vest and coat.

He has never ever ever played up in the mornings since.

Blimey, I thought you were goimg to say she was about 4 years old.

Yanbu!

What is the lesson she hates, and why does she hate it?

I would do it! I would certainly not be dressing her when asleep at 8 - actually for any age, though I DO understand why you do it and how stressful it must be.

But she needs to try and tell you what the issue is with that lesson - or someone anyway! Is she scared of failing, even though she is doing well, or is that hse infds theothers seasy and so this one seems difficult, even though she can do it? IYSWIM?

Ask her when she is calm and you do not need to get her anywhere or do anything. Explain then to her too that if she can't get up and get dressed, you will just have to take her in her pyjamas as you don't have time for it in the morning anymore - but you want to help her feel ok so that everyone feels ok.

The lesson she hates is The Big Write. And her animosity to it makes absolutely no sense. Literacy is not the sort of thing that is boring if you are very good at it and given free reign to go as far as you like with it. Yet dd considers TBW a waste of time. She enjoys the preparation for it, her teacher says she is well-behaved and focused during the lesson, and that the work she produces is excellent.

I think that TBW is probably the longest time the children spend completely focused on one task, and they are not allowed to speak. I can imagine that both these aspects could be frustrating, yet dd's record throughout school has shown that she is very task-focused and, while she is also a chatterbox given the opportunity, she is not one of the 'distracters' in the class. (Would love to see some of this 'task-focus' at home!)

Dd has once been told off for talking to a classmate during TBW. She considers this very unfair, as she had only nudged the boy and pointed to something.

Dh and I wonder whether dd is simply in the habit of being in a temper over TBW, stemming perhaps from this telling-off.

aha I see! then I would def go for the chat and the pre warning over what you WILL be doing at the most relaxed time you can get her

earlier to bed - earlier up. find outif there are any problems and if not - set two alarms for her. expect her to get changed off her own back as soon as she wakes. tell her breakfast is at 8 but only if she is ready. take her to school 'partly done' if she hasn't got a move on.

Aside from probably being tired (esp by the end of the week), she sounds stressed.

Would upping her blood sugar first thing help ie glass of oj/milk before getting out of bed?

It sometimes helps my dd to get things ready the night before ie clothes including underwear so there are fewer decisions to be faced in the morning.

If it does stem from this telling off, could she write (but not send!) a letter to the teacher or to an abstract someone explaining how unfair she felt it to be?

Dunno. My dd, albeit younger, is often irrationally obstructive and bad tempered in the morning; and these things sometimes help her.

I didn't actually think she is tired - just that logically, her refusal to get up can only be because she is tired, so needs to go to bed at 6.30.

If my children are shitty with me, I insist that as they are usually so lovely, they must be VERY tired to be so horrible, as they are not NORMALLY horrible, and therefore they need an extra hour in bed. This cannot be taken in the morning because of school, therefore it must be taken in the evening.

That's logic. They HATE it, but it's not an unreasonable conclusion.

Yes, i did it with ds when he was about 4/5. I picked him up as he was a nd drive him to school (I did take the clothes with me) but he thought everyone was going to laugh at him.

He had been playing up a lot in the mornings refusing to get ready and he was making his older sister late.

Have you tried some sort of star chart, with a star for each part of getting ready for school that is achieved without stress and tantrums, stars removed for tantrums, and a treat at the end of the week?

Other than that, I think that taking her to school breakfastless and in her pjs sounds drastic and well justified.

When DD's in one of her moods she pushes me until I snap and then has an excuse to refuse to get dressed/go to school.
She did it one day last term, though was dressed so I pushed her out the door and locked it.
I went back to check 5 minutes later and she'd gone.
She's not tried it to the same extent since, and I know not to bite in the mornings, but to leave it and sort out punishments after school