4 year old DD won't spend any time on her own

[oliviasdad]

Hi,

We have one lovely, lively DD. Our problem is that she demands attention 100% of the time. Unless I or my DW are playing with her she nags, pushes, moans to the point that either we snap, or we play with her. The only thing that will keep her occupied on her own is the iPad, or the TV, which we use very sparingly, we don't want her glued to either.

We love playing with her, but we also need time on our own. She has a ton of toys and books.

One resolution this year is to invite her friends round more, but this won't always be possible.

Any advice? How can we teach her to be a little more self reliant?

Thanks in advance.

Have another child?

Can you get her involved in some groups and activities? Rainbows, gymnastics etc etc.

How old is she?

heh :) Believe me, the thought of having a second one has crossed our minds, but that's a whole other kettle of fish.

She's 4 1/2.

Thanks for the idea, we're quite an insular family, maybe getting her out more would help.

My ds is 3 and half and exactly the same. The only time he is not demanding constant attention is when he watches Fireman Sam!

I have to say he is much better when I go to a friends house and there are other children about but even then he still wants to talk to me all the time but I think that's quite normal and I like it really!

Me and dh are currently trying to conceive dc2 but not for that reason .

One thing I have found that helps is to set a couple of minutes at first and get them involved in something and say you want them to play with ??? for 2 minutes and then check back after a couple of minutes and join in for a few mins really over praising them for playing on their own. Then leave them to it again for another minute or two, gradually weaning them off us for a few mins at a time. I can sometimes get an entire meal cooked by doing that but not often!

What OddBodd said.

Explain that Mummy needs to chop some vegetables for dinner, and she needs to play on her own (in kitchen if big enough, or living room next door?) for 2-3 minutes. Set an alarm or egg timer, and when the dinger dings, give her a big hug and lots of thank yous and praise. Then, explain you have to do the next job, set the timer and off you go. Get her used to 2 mins in the same room as you, then move on to longer periods, then in a different room...

You could use the cup of tea trick?

I am going to have a cup of tea now, you need to play on your own until I have finished the tea and then I will play with you again. They find it quite concrete and you can actually take however long you want to drink your tea once she has got the idea.

I used this with my 4 1/2 yo DD when she was younger - she now goes off quite happily to play on her own.

Yes, cup of tea/coffee good idea, but can also be more straightforward "I am doing x,y or z" we can play when I have finished.

During Summer holiday when DS (4) and DD (2) were 3 and 1 in holiday- I was even more explicit in I said "I need some time to myself, I will play again when the big hand gets to the 6". A boundary that is reasonable and can (on a good day) be respected.

Once they get the idea you can (sometimes) be more subtle and generally busy yourself (I find sitting at the table works quite well) and then they take your cues and go off and play.

We have 2, and my experience is they are very different. DD is much younger but a lot more independent- always has been in that she goes off and plays by herself not demanding attention. DS is the opposite and demands a lot of attention, but he is getting better- part of it was my habit of playing with him so much when he was young!!

I find if I start my dd - also 4 - with an activity, for example playdo and sit with her joining in for a little while then quietly wander off once she is absorbed in playing. Is she at school yet? As once they are at school they have to get used to occupying and playing independently.

Hi. No.advice sorry as I'm at the same stage with my four and a half.yo DD. I like the ideas here about setting them off and then going off.to do something. I find it frustrating that she is totally reliant on me and DH to play. I sympathise with you and I'm also hoping to pick up any more tips