I just can't 'read' my 4month old baby boy

[Brillbryant]

I have a beautiful 4 month old boy who has been 'difficult' to say the least. I also have a 5yr old DD. I had a difficult time with my DD when she was born although at the time thought her behaviour was normal.
Looking back I think she was hungry....
Currently my DS crys for what seems like hours every day. What worries me is he wakes up from very brief naps SCREAMING! He had very bad colic, and we've sorted this out but for the rest of the time he just seems to be a very unhappy baby. I'm worried I'm turning off when he cries. I just don't get that despereate urge to go and help or sooth him as he cries ALL the time. My husband is starting to feel the same. We're just not sure what to do next... A routine isn't coming easily at all as he fights sleep. I'm breast feeding but am starting to feel like a cow as the only thing to sooth him is to sit on sofa and feed. I don't think this is helping either as he snacks but doesn't seem to get satisfied at all....I'm pretty sure it will settle itself but at the moment, the light at the end of the tunnel seems a looong way away...... :(

Brill, what's his weight gain like? Are you having any indications that he's maybe not feeding efficiently enough? Can you get a Midwife or Health Visitor to check for a tongue tie, and perhaps check your positioning while you're at it, because both could effect his intake. He could very well be hungry.

Another thing that springs to mind is reflux? Does he bring up any feed? That said, it could be unsymptomatic reflux and he could be experiencing burning in his gullet which would explain the screaming - if he's lying flat then he'd feel the burning on waking .

Do you feel empty after every feed? Make sure you feed for a good while on one side before swapping to the other, or else he'll be getting a belly full of foremilk, but none of the fattier hind milk. What's his nappies like?

Don't beat yourself up for switching off - sounds like your exhausted. It's a tough enough experience without having an unhappy baby.

Sorry for the 20 questions - I keep getting random thoughts that could help and I don't have much time to edit this post.

Hope it helps x

my 4mo is teething could it be that...aside from what welsh has said.

my dd was like this,(she had reflux) it is awful,

but it will end,honestly.it will.

Thankyou for your response. I'm defineitly not as confident with my breastfeeding effort this time around. Funnily enough DS was born with a tongue tie and had it realeased almost immediatly. I don't think latching is a problem as I'm not at all sore. He is a snacky feeder and I do feel he is constanly feeding :(. We do give him formular in the evenings but he's just not that into it. Sometimes he'll have a bottle, other times no thanks!! Nappies seem to be ok, bit greenish !?

I must admit, I do randomly give him calpol and nelsons teething granules, when the crying gets perticulary bad, just to see if it makes a difference. I just feel iv completly lost my touch!! I cannot read his cries, they just sound the same...loud!

dd was the same,i think i tuned out eventually.
i had some pretty dark thoughts at 3am...

it will pass,it will pass,it will pass

(was my mantra!)

Don't beat yourself up about this. Some babies are hard to read- some babies give very confilicting signals and you don't know what they are crying for! Other babies are very straightforward. It is just his personaltiy- sometimes his crying may be from discomfort- but it could be bordem, or he had a very low tolerance threshold for all sorts of annoyances, and is simply a whingey baby. As a parent you want to try and fix these issues- firsty for you baby, but secondly for your santy. Just like clumsy said- the majority of whingey screaming babies seem to 'grow out of it' and you may never know what the fuss was all about. I am sure you have checked all the obvious. And I don't blame you for switching off- You can't spend every second of the day on high alert for a baby who spends the majority of his waking hours crying. The fact that you don't leap every time he cries is the only way to deal with a baby like this, as often they are displeased minutes later even when you go to them, so as long as you have checked with doctor/health visitor for any obvious physiological problem- then for your sanity- and you have checked yourself when he starts crying if there is anything obvious to be fussing about. 'switching off' is the only response on some occasions- I am sure that when you have gathered your strengh and when he is happy he gets lots of love and cuddles and happy smiles from you,- I am sure mothers of babies who cry within normal limits would Gasp in horror at this, but unless you have had a baby who really is genuinely fussy and difficult to read, then it's the only way to deal with it.Just like people, babies have different personalities and you can only influence this to a very small extent. As Clumsy said " this will pass" babies go through phases and some last much longer than you would like but I am sure in a few months, this will all be a distant memory- and you will have much happier memories to look back on as he gets older. A routine perhaps would help- I can give you some pointers (so PM me if you want.) as often babies who are fussy are somehow 'overwhelmed' by themselves, and don't seem to know what to do -( other babies just seem to get it, in terms of when is a good time to sleep and feed). Don't lose hope, it will get better and it's not your fault.

Brill, just to eliminate reflux, why not prop up his mattress at a low angle. Roll up some towels and put underneath head area so that he's 'slightly' elevated. May help. If you can, try and wear him in a sling (wraps are v comfy for you and baby) so that he's upright a lot of the day. You'll probably get more done whilst he's in the sling.

BUT, BUT, BUT.... green poo in breastfed babies is a sure sign that they are getting too much foremilk, regardless of his weight gain, and that he's not getting to the richer hindmilk. Too much foremilk will also cause colic......

Hindmilk is high in calories and ensures that your baby feels fuller, for longer. If he's not getting this, then, in addition to the colic he's getting from the sugery foremilk, he's also getting hungry extremely quickly and will need to feed more often. Sound familiar?

Too much foremilk will make him have runnier, green poo and the increased gas in his belly (from the too much lactose) will give him cramps.

Any chance you can tell me EXACTLY what your feeding routine is? I may pick something up....

Thanks so much, all this does sound very familiar... As for feeding routine I will try and keep an eye on it tommorow and give an update. Another thing I'm going to try is nelsons homepathic granules, one every 2 hrs. Have just read about chamomilla and children/babies and it sounds like it will help a huge amount. My theory being...a calmer baby will feed better,be fuller, be content for longer,feed better and so the cycle goes on!! Fingers crossed......

Brill, I found Nelsons to be really good when it came to teething and fussiness, but I strongly advise you to consider re-checking your latch. It doesn't have to pain your nipples for something to be wrong. I'm pretty convinced that this is down to too much foremilk and if you'r son is getting cramps and gas, then homeopathy is unlikely to help in the long run.

Do you let your baby take the lead when feeding? Or do you take him off after a set time? Try to feed as you normally would then write it down for me - I may spot something.
Is he really gaping before he latches on? What I mean is, does he really get a mouthful of boob and not just nipple when he latches? Have a look at his jaw bone action by the side of his ears - this area should be working away and not the cheek area by his mouth which might indicate a bad latch.

mines 4 months and exactly the same - i bottlefeed - only thing that soothes him is vigerous bouncing on my knee which is very tiring but doing wonders for my muscletone!!

I agree with WelshSara that speaking to the health visitor is the place to start, to have his weight gain confirmed and to check for symptoms of reflux. You mentioned that he had colic before and that this is now sorted, but the the term colic itself refers to healthy babies who cry/scream for hours for no obvious reason. It may be possible that it isn't entirely resolved. The health visitor may be able to suggest different colic drops that help break down any excess lactose or an easier to digest formula for those occasional times when you offer him a bottle.

Hang in there! It must be really tiring for you, your DH and your DS. I think anyone in your position (which could be anyone) would feel exhausted and desperate to know what is wrong / how to soothe him. When my DD2 was screaming for hours every evening with colic I could barely have spelled my own name, let alone come up with an inspired solution to her needs. The primal urge to feed my crying baby, seemed to dominate my thoughts, even though I didn't really think she could be hungry again after such a short time.

Do things like baby massage have any effect on him, in terms of soothing, or helping with wind etc? Also, I found a book 'the social baby' really helpful in terms of reading my DCs cues (although not at the time they actually crying) as it has lots of photographs of expressions babies make and possible reasons. Can you ask grandparents for help/ more help? It will get better / easier!

Huge sympathies! My DS4 was like this and only maturing a bit has improved the situation for us (he is now 10 months old and all is well apart from sleep ).
We had everything mentioned on this thread checked and ruled out (colic, reflux, cow's milk protein intolerance), he had sacro-cranial osteopathy, Nelson's powders, calpol, baby massage. I BF, but we tried top ups with EBM and FF - nothing worked, it washell on earth and the other 3 DSs were pretty much left to fend for themselves...

It passed.

thank goodness, it passed.

I really would not have managed through that awful phase without the mantra of 'this too shall pass, this too shall pass, TTSP...'

I hope you have lots of support and that you WILL find something that.'ll make a difference to you LO.

Thanks for all your advice and kind words, I shall keep you posted.....:)

Sounds exactly like my DS and to be honest I never got to the bottom of it. Completely agree with the 'it will pass' mantra. All I can say, is that we tried everything, and ultimately nothing seemed to help. Then when he was slightly shy of five months, he just stopped. It was as if he woke up one morning, said 'I'm alright now Mammy' and that was the end of that. His feeding calmed down, he started to sleep during the day and at night, and was amazingly good natured (and still is at 3).

It will pass!

have you tried altering your diet? Some things you eat can give him colic. I found out that cutting dairy, chocolate and coffee helped a lot! Some babies react badly to things as brocoli, sweet potato, others to citrus fruit, or even bread. It might be worth giving a try... Good luck!