Healthy Competition Among Children

[Earlybird]

DD and I walk to school almost every day. In order to get her out of the house in a timely fashion, and to instill a bit of "hurry up" in her leisurely pace, we've taken to playing a little game. There are one or two children who are always at school early, so we've started playing a "let's see if we can get to school before Amy and Elizabeth" game. They set the standard for timeliness with their prompt arrivals, and we try to meet or exceed it.

Last week we entered the classroom, and saw that indeed we had arrived before the other two children. DD and I laughed and had a bit of a low key "cheer" that we had arrived first. DD's teacher looked at me and said "what is this trying to beat the other children business"? I laughed and explained to her that it is simply a game we play as a way of hurrying along to school, and that we admire the other children for being so consistently early in their arrivals. She then said "it doesn't matter who gets here first". I was taken aback, and even felt a bit chastised, because our game is not intended in any sort of mean spirited way. (I agree it would be mean if we cheered about arriving ahead of the slowest ones).

I thought about this quite a bit because, of course, I don't want to make another child feel badly. But, I thought the teacher was overly PC to condemn our game. We weren't gloating, or making the other child unhappy....at least, not that I'm aware of. Is our game insensitve, in your opinion?

As a larger issue, personally I think it's good to introduce a bit of competitiveness in a positive way - especially if it is lighthearted (and also as dd is an only child this is a lesson she doesn't get at home). After all, the world is a competitive and aggressive place. How do you instill these qualities in your children in a healthy and appropriate way....or do you?

I'm surprised at her attitude and think competitiveness is a good thing, handled in the right way, which in this instance it obviously was. I think it's a great way to get them out the house and off to school with a bit more urgency, I will try it myself tomorrow

Is teacher usually on such a high horse? Almost sounds like she enjoyed putting you in the wrong.

However, this may be nothing at all to do with you or your dd, but perhaps hit a nerve with the teacher as being an issue (about gloating, "winners", "losers") she is currently having to deal with in the class as a whole? I would go on quietly playing your (totally inoffensive) race-game with your dd, but store up the issue generally for parents' evening.

(By the way, what the teacher said is exactly what I say to my dd, who is capable of being quite unpleasantly keen on winning.)

Sounds a bit much to me. Whats wrong with that as long as your child dosn't gloat to the others - but even if they did its hardly the end of the world, is it?

DDs school constatnly sends out letters re late arrivals of a lot of pupils - don't see what the teachers problem is.

I'd be a bit put out if my dd's teacher spoke to me like that, and especially in front of my child. The teacher/parent relationship should be one of mutual respect and support, not undermining. Of course it doesn't matter to her generally who arrives first, but it matters to you that your dd be a bit quicker in the mornings. Of course no child should gloat in the classroom in front of their peers about skills/abilities/who was first, but Earlybird and her dd surely weren't doing anything harmful to anyone else's child.

I'd be very annoyed if she said that to me. I agree with you entirely that a healthy sense of competitiveness is installed in children....which is why I can't stand these "watered down" sports days that many schools have now.

I would be irritated by the put-down too. But it's worth pointing out you have umpteen school years ahead of you in which you will hear teachers making pronouncements that are annoying, ignorant, unpleasant or just plain wrong. Unless your child's well-being is directly affected in a significant way, it's best to develop a set of heavy-duty ear filters for this kind of thing, and just let it wash over you.

miserable old bag

I'd cheer extra loudly and do a kind of cheerleader dance if you beat them tomorrow (make sure its in front of the teacher though)

anyway its none of her business what you do out of school hours