unconditional parenters...help with aggressive, stroppy 5yr old ds please...

[dandycandyjellybean]

both ds and myself have been ill for about 6 weeks with bad flu, hence it's all gone a bit pear shaped. He bed hopped a lot when poorly and we're having a problem getting him to settle at night, but the biggest thing is his attitude.

For absolutely no 'obvious to us' reason, he is speaking to us in a really foul way, shouting, throwing things and being generally aggressive. Perhaps because I am at a low ebb, (and I have to say after a lot of reasoning 'chats' and other things) I have been letting this push my buttons, and been shouty back, and punishing (naughty step, sending to bed etc) which I don't normally do, or like, or feel works particularly, but I am at the end of my tether, and feel at some point he needs to know that this kind of behaviour isn't acceptable.

What on earth can I do?

Has he been out getting much exercise if you've all been ill? DD is younger than yours but needs a good run around, outdoors preferably, or she gets really challenging. I don't know why, cabin fever?!

There seem to be a lot of stroppy 4 and 5 year olds this Christmas. Lots of recent threads on similar issues. I agree about cabin fever. my 2 ds are about to be marched to Tescos...Heres hoping for a stress free shop...ho hum!

1. Cabin fever

1. Post illness stroppiness

1. Post Christmas stroppiness

1. Vicious cycle of him being unpleasant -> you being unpleasant -> him being unpleasant

They're not excuses, but they're very valid reasons. He's trying to tell you that he's feeling very antsy but he doesn't recognise that he is because he's too young, and he's too young to tell you in a mature, helpful way.

I would be trying to think about my responses to his behaviour, so that they're controlled and helpful rather than unhelpful. Lots of cuddles and calm, but firm 'It is unacceptable and unneccessary to talk to me like that/behave like that. If you are angry, then lets try and do something calm together. If you are desperate to run around, then let's go out to the park for half an hour.' etc.

Thanks guys. All makes sense, especially the cabin fever, took him out for a massive bike ride yesterday.

Also the post illness thing, too. We don't have a lot of 'rules' here exactly but everything kind of melted into a flu hazed pj/snack/sleep/tv.....bleugh, and so what bit of structure we have went out the proverbial.

Thanks for the suggestions, and deep down I know that it is my response to him that is making him worse, must chillax! Thanks folks....