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shy 6yr old son

21 replies

groat · 02/10/2005 04:35

My DS1 makes me sad. He doesn't seem happy and in the last few weeks has started to mumble. he starts talking at normal level then goes really quiet mid sentence. As if he doesn't think anyone is interested in what he wants to say.

Any ideas on how I can help him be more confident?

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Steppy1 · 02/10/2005 04:42

ah bless....how does he get on at school Groat ?

groat · 02/10/2005 07:05

socially he seems to be ok but doesn't ever tell me much and I don't want to pressurise him too much. He has a few close friends but he always waits for them to talk to him first.
His schoolwork is excellent he's one of the top of his class.

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gigglinggoblin · 02/10/2005 07:46

would he enjoy something like beavers? our beaver leader is more than happy for parents to stay until kids are happy to be left (expecially if you help out). might bring him out of himself a bit. has done wonders for my 6yo

groat · 03/10/2005 06:45

sorry out all yesterday.
Has started both beavers and drama in the last couple of weeks in hope that will help. Have never stayed in case I inhibit him. So don't know how he is but says he enjoys both.

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groat · 03/10/2005 11:49

anyone out there? please help!
Got to school early this morning so he can play with friends but just ignored them and stood with me. Very worried that he is not happy. Has also started wetting his bed again!

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Flowertop · 03/10/2005 12:17

Hi Groat my 6 year old son (nearly 7) could be quite shy but he covers it up my being rude and miserable to his peers. This morning one of the girls in his class told him she liked the way he had decorated his homework and he just rudely mumbled and grumbled and stormed off. He has few friends (if any) but I do think a lot of it is to do with his attitude. Also he hates school and is really struggling. I suppose I am trying to emphasise the fact that if your son is doing really well at school then I do believe his confidence will improve because of this and perhaps the praise should be rewarded around this. Sorry not being much help just wanted you to know you're not alone.

groat · 03/10/2005 12:25

Thanks Flowertop it's good to know I'm not alone.
Isn't it sad though? How can we make it better for them?
I worry so much because I know I'm not the most confident of people and I'd hate to pass that on to DS1.
DS2 is loud and confident.

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shannen · 03/10/2005 13:07

I'm a qiuet ish person and so is DD1. She is fine when she meets up with her few friends - but is always very reserved and much quiter than the other kids (though v loud and chatty indoors)

I don't think it is something that can be 'passed on' unless you specifically put him off of joining clubs etc - (not that you do)

Hopefully his confidence will gorw with age. Are you sure he is not picked on or bullied?

groat · 04/10/2005 08:56

says he's not bullied but am going to speak with his teacher to see ig anything there.
He is basically shy and I know there is nothing I can do about that. But it's that he has just become very withdrawn in the last few weeks.

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MiaouTheFamiliar · 04/10/2005 09:21

dd1 is just like this - the difference is, she is not unhappy though. She is very quiet, often keeps to herself during breaktimes, barely speaks above a whisper. She is also a high achiever at school. She is now 8, and in the last year has started to make some friends with whom she will now relax enough to talk to them (before she would not speak at all, she was virtually mute in school). She does gymnastics and goes to youth club outside of school, and young naturalists club once a month. She finds youth club a challenge because it is not structured enough for her and she feels exposed.

At the age of 6 dd1 was much less sure of herself, felt like she did not fit in, and found it incredibly difficult to make eye contact (she still struggles a little with this). We constantly reassured her that being shy was ok, that she should be proud of being who she is, and she is finally beginning to take this on board.

Groat, why not invite over a friend of ds's for tea, and give them an activity to do side by side. That way your ds doesn't have to make conversation/play, or look him in the eye (which he may find intimidating), but can be in the company of another child in a relaxed environment. This is a technique we used with dd1 which really worked at this age. A big box of lego in the middle of the living room floor whilst you are within sight in the kitchen/next room should work. And palm off ds2 for the afternoon so he doesn't take over! (I have a loud dd2 so I know about that too!!!)

I've rabbited on a lot but hopefully some of this might be useful to you as we are two years further down the line. Feel free to ask me more about this if you want.

groat · 04/10/2005 09:40

Thanks Miaou really helpful. And yes I would have to palm off ds2!!

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Lonelywitch · 04/10/2005 09:44

Groat, if there has been a change in him in the last few weeks, that would seem to suggest something has happened at school. It might just be that he doesn't like the new teacher, or someone new in his class, or a new routine. Has he just started Year 2? Even though he is bright, maybe he is finding the pressure of increasing work a worry? Anyway, I think a talk with his teacher must be your first step here.

MiaouTheFamiliar · 04/10/2005 10:17

groat, another thought - dd1 found it really hard adjusting to being back in school after the summer holidays, even though she loves school. After spending the whole holiday almost solely in the company of our immediate family and in the home environment she found having to socialise again quite daunting. It just doesn't come naturally to her. We are in Scotland therefore have been back at school since the middle of August - I would say she has only just started to relax in the last week or so. Give it time - he's probably still trying to adjust.

groat · 06/10/2005 17:38

Well have now spoken to teacher but says if anything he has opened up more this year (same teach as last year, funny system, went up early). So it can only be new baby and loud DS2 making him feel insecure.
All I can think to do now is spend more time with him on his own and plenty of praise.
Any other suggestions anyone?

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LadyMiaouPoshPaws · 06/10/2005 17:52

groat - as well as a loud dd2 I also have a new baby - so I truly sympathise! I've just been into school this afternoon talking to the head about developing strategies to help dd1 cope better with school.

Anyway, re your ds - dh and I have made sure, particularly since ds was born - that each dd gets "mummy time" and "daddy time" - ie, just them with either of us two. I spend time doing an activity with them of their choosing (with dd1 we play chess or dominoes, or do origami, with dd2 it's hair and makeup!!!How different are they!), while dh entertains the other two (or, as tonight, dd1 is at youth club so once ds is asleep I'm going to do her hair for her). This has made a big impact on them both and increased their sense of self-worth and importance to us. Could you try this with ds1?

groat · 06/10/2005 18:09

thanks LadyM will certainly try although sometimes diff 'cos DH often not home until their bedtime.

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groat · 10/10/2005 14:33

heard this weekend that ds1 is either being bullied or friends with a bully. How do I find out which it is and how do I deal with it?
DS1 will not tell me anything. But has started wetting his bed again only on week nights (dry Fri and Sat night) so there has got to be something worrying him but how do I find out what it is?

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hocuspocusdiplodocus · 10/10/2005 14:37

Can you get any more information from the source, groat?

groat · 10/10/2005 15:52

no hocus and not sure how reliable the info is.

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groat · 10/10/2005 16:10

bump any advice please!

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hocuspocusdiplodocus · 10/10/2005 16:27

I can't think of anything apart from to go back to the class teacher, groat. Sorry, not much help I know. My DS1 (aged 6) won't talk to me about what happens at school either.

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