3-week old baby gets overtired and screams for hours - what can I do?

[NashBridges]

My 3 week old son gets overtired in spite of our attempts to settle him. He won't take a dummy. He screams and screams - he screams when I put him in his moses basket, and he screams even when I cuddle him - he builds himself up to a state of hysteria during the evening. I don't think it's colic (though I've tried Infacol on a couple of occasions). My partner suggested we let him cry, and we've done this a few times although I hated it. The first night he went to sleep within 5 minutes, which was great. I'm sure it was a lot easier for him as well as us - but it's not working consistently and just leaving such a tiny baby to cry and cry is, I think, cruel... But if it doesn't help even when we DO pick him up, what can we do? Eventually he just passes out (and then he sleeps really well thru the night), but it takes literally hours. He starts the day angelically, but he's descending into hysterical screeching every day. Any advice?

Is he napping during the day? DD was a bit like this until i realized she needed a lot of naps - at 3 weeks she would be awake for 2 hours, nap for 2 hours (but with a longer awake time before bed).

Three suggestions:

1. A sling
2. Swaddle the baby
3. I also found that my babies needed to sleep more than they were awake. So we'd roughly, wake up, feed, change nappy, play, swaddle, sleep. Repeat.

My DD loved the sling, my DS's needed to be swaddled and feel really secure, the minute they had their arms free we'd be in trouble as they'd feel insecure and scream.

HTH.

Is this your 1st child? I had the same sort of thing with my dd and we tried everything, she did have a dummy but we tried rocking her, taking her out in the car and all sorts.Infacol did help us though in the end and we also got told gripe water.
Check though the age with that as alot changes over the years.
But if your baby is not in pain or hungry or anything else out of the ordinary, other than seeing if this is just a phase,you can always ask your health visitor if you are worried.
All babies are different but i do agree it is hard to leave such a young baby to cry.Good luck :)

Forgot to add swaddling - DD loved it.

Yes, like others say I'd start by looking at his day time naps. Is he getting enough sleep in the day time? Which might help him to avoid getting over tired in the evening.

Do you put him down for a nap on a regular basis? I remember being told that DS would just sleep anywhere anytime, but it just wasn't true!

He's our first baby. He's going nuts at the moment, it's driving us bananas. I think he's getting loads of naps - increasingly, as I've learned the necessity of them. He slept for ages in the morning and then for a walk in the pram, which he slept through... Then I had him in a sling for a few hours so he could sleep close to me. I hoped it'd help, but he's just as bad as usual. Poor little chap. I've just tried some Infacol - but I really don't think it's that, it doesn't sound like he's in pain - but it is really intense crying. He just seems to work himself into a frenzy. If we could leave him to cry and he'd fall asleep within 5 minutes, I could accept that (although I wouldn't feel happy with it) - but I don't feel I can leave him to cry for any longer than that. Will try swaddling now and see if it helps, ta for the tip.

Just thinking back (DD is 4.6 now) and her sleep routine was something like this:

6-8 awake
8-10 sleep
10-12 awake
12-2 sleep
2-6 awake
6 bedtime (dream feed at 11 + one other night feed)

She loved sleeping in her pram so it was easy to go out with her.

What time are you putting him to bed? He might need to go a little bit earlier. I used to keep DD up so DH could see her but that was always a disaster as it w just too late for her.

I'm not able to put him to bed, he won't go because he's behaving like this every evening... This is the problem, I can't understand how to get him to go into his moses basket. I keep him in the lounge with us and put him in his basket if I can soothe him to sleep (which I can't). Should I be putting him in another room? If so, doesn't that mean leaving him to cry? And what time should I be doing it? Sorry if this is obvious to everyone but me...

You poor things - v stressful for you both. I hated it when mine got all upset and hot and red and sweaty.

I would change him, feed him and wrap him in a sheet so his arms are down next to his body all snug and then put him over your shoulder so his tummy is pressing gently on your shoulder - if he has any wind this will help. Then pace around a bit gently rubbing or tapping his back. Once he is snoring, lay him gently in his basket/cot still wrapped up. It's common for babies to jump in their sleep and the swaddling will help this and not make him scared.

For your sanity, remember everything is a phase and this stage will pass. He might just be having a restless few weeks.

Don't apologise, babies are baffling. None of us have THE answer, it's just trial and error.

I'd try a quiet dark room with no TV. Give him a cuddle in there and see if he calms down?

But during the day, when he's been awake for a little while and is content, see if he's happy to lie in his moses basket then? If you can get him to drop off in there during the day, it will be much easier at night time.

Evenings are always the worst time I think.

I remember taking DS for a drive every evening Then he'd wake up just as I took him back in the house. Grrr....

It does sound like colic to me. Why are you sure it isn't?

What time are you putting him to bed? He might not be ready. Our twins didn't start having a bedtime at 7pm until about 5 months, although it did creep earlier and earlier. When they were young, we carried on the daytime routine of feed/play/nap until after the 10pm feed, when they would go down for the night. Don't think at three weeks they're anywhere near having a bedtime earlier in the night (although that's just my babies & my opinion!).

Although after a few weeks we did find the TV too much for them so if they were napping, we would turn it off and just have a lamp on. Or obviously you could just put him in another room!

If you're keeping him with you he may be over stimulated and unable to sleep. Try putting him in his own room (or your bedroom, but alone) for his naps and bed time.

oh poor you, it's so hard when you can't find out why your tiny one is crying! it will get better as you get to know your baby and get more confident and experienced. (having said that, i'm currently mning to stay awake with ds2 in my arms in the armchair< dreading lying him down in case he starts screaming again! (hence crap one-handed typing)

here comes self indulgent blah but please bear with me, hope you can glean some wisdom from my similar tale of woe!

my ds2 is 4weeks and tonight was the first evening he has cried for ages. he's been much more alert the past couple of days, really lovely, even got most of a smile today, but i'm sure he's a bit overtired and that's contributing to his distress. he's been on and off the boob all evening but didn't settle, culminating in massive puke around 11pm. he carried on crying for a good hour after that and nothing seemed to help.

then, thank god, i remembered my trusty old sling. popped him in and marched round the house for a few mins, he went straight off to sleep. bob's your uncle. this always worked with ds1, we've used the sling with ds2 but mostly just to get hands free for playing with ds1, ds2 is normally such a peaceful chap!

i find a wrap sling works best for getting to sleep and also seems to do wonders for getting wind out - both my dss often do/did a great big burp after being popped in. we have a kari me but there are several different brands (didymos and close spring to mind) cost around £35 i think but you can get one cheaper on ebay.

as for putting down, i'm no expert on this as we didn't really put ds1 down for the first 4 months or so. he was quite a needy baby so we decided just to keep him with us - dh would take him for a walk in the sling while i made dinner, we'd eat with him in the sling and then watch telly, but switch it off if ds1 was restless. this got impractical when ds1 got older and needed more quiet and a routine to get to sleep.

this time round i'm trying to put ds2 down for at least one of his naps each day so he gets used to it and i can spend one to one time with ds1. being an obliging second child he seems coolwith this but has struggled to lie flat on his back lately due to a cold. (hence mning at silly oclock!) i've put a folded blanket under top end of his basket and lie him slightly on one side - safer than lying on front, prob not quite as safe as ob his back but as he's in the same room as us i feel comfortable with side sleeping position.

at night we co sleep, overall this has bought us many many nights of lovely sleep but has been tricky while we both have colds - i need to be propped up but don't think it's safe to have ds near pillows, and ds can't feed lying down without puking. mumsnet has become my nocturnal friend!

op, can i suggest you repeat your post in the sleep section? you might get more responses, especially from soppy hippy types experienced baby wearers and co sleepers like me! also you might like to check out which has lots of info on sleep.

good luck to you! hope you and dc are fast asleep and don@t read this until 8am at the earliest!

Is he hungry?

Thats what i was thinking Yuno. Are you breastfeeding? What i did in the early days was offer the breast when DD cried as invariably she was hungry. DD won't take a dummy either and at 11 weeks hasn't found her thumb so she needs comfort feeds. Perhaps he's a little young for sleeping though the night too. Maybe you could wake him for a night feed and he may be less fractious in the day and nap too?

I did a bit of controlled crying but only with an older baby - 3 weeks does feel a bit young to be left crying.

I found that a tiny baby needed lots of daytime naps and bought a couple of books to get an idea of routine (I didn't want a strict routine to the nearest .25 of an hour but I did want to know how a prescribed routine of eating and sleeping would look IYKWIM) and from that I cobbled together our own structure to the day which really helped. The two books I found the most useful were Baby Secrets and Baby Whisperer.

I also found holding baby whilst bouncing gently on the edge of the bed helped as did a bouncy chair. Some friends reported good things from a self-swinging chair.

At 3 weeks I would not even think about bed times, nap times or routines. Just put him to the breast at every squeak! Ideally before he's crying, because once they get worked up it's harder to calm them down. If he wants to feed constantly all evening it's completely normal.

My DS did this from 3 weeks to about 10 weeks when we introduced early bedtime routine. Not suggesting you do that now though - we tried doing it earlier but he was too little for it to mean anything and failed miserably. Nowadays he reliably sleeps for three hours every evening.

Everyone told us it was colic but like you I think it was overtiredness. Trouble is that DS is a world champion sleep fighter so it ended up being a vicious circle. My advice is do whatever it takes to get him to nap during the day but vary your method so that he doesn't get tied to one or another. Two hours awake sounds too much for a tiny baby - my DS is 14wks and still can only manage an hour and a quarter. Watch baby for sleepy signs (looking away, yawning) then whisk him away and try to get him to sleep. Rocking, feeding, sling, whatever it takes. After a couple of weeks of this he should be less overtired come the evening.

Many babies just like to feed all evening at that age. I sometimes just used to feed him til he passed out.

We have found that white noise works a treat combined with swaddling and rocking/walking. After 4 weeks you can use gripe water which is brilliant stuff.

I sympathise deeply - it is hell and it still happens occasionally, like tonight.

There's loads of us with the same problem on the newborn sleep nightmares thread on the sleep board. Have a read and come and join us for a good moan and some sympathy!

It's a nobrainer to me. He's hungry!

I'm sorry but I felt exasperated just reading your post. Is he breastfed? Just offer the breast and I doubt very much he will scream. He doesn't like the moses basket - he's 3 weeks old, most babies of that age don't like it - he wants to be near his mummy and be cuddled.

Feed him!!!!!

have you tried to not put him into the moses basket but into a carry cot or a cot? I have found some babies simply do not care for sleeping in a moses basket