*HELP!!!* My 4 yr old son is a "cry baby"

[ngozi001]

My husband went to pick up my son from school on Friday and saw other kids calling him a cry baby. This is obviously very upsetting for both of us and I'm very worried and I would not want him to get bullied. He's only been in school for a month and he's already being called names. He cries for literally every little thing and I need him to toughen up before the name calling gets worse. ANY SUGGESTIONS?, WE'RE AT OUR WITS END

Some children are softies. It's just their natures. If they are given plenty of love and have the confidence of their carers, then they grow up to be loving, gentle adults. It's not a defect of character.

First of all, speak privately to his teacher. This name-calling should not be permitted.

As for yourselves, do you make a fuss over every little thing? Do you encourage him to tell you every little detail? Do you reward his tears (eg by giving him a biscuit)?

4 years old is very little. He is just a baby, don't forget! I am sure that all the other kids cry as well! I know it is awful for you to see, but I think it would be a mistake to go down the 'big boys don't cry' route, as this is the reason so many men are unable to show / deal with emotions!

I think what I would do is talk to him about how he is feeling. Make sure he knows that it is ok to be upset if he feels someone has not been kind to him, but talk to him about alternative ways to show his feelings. You can teach him to walk away, to use humour, you could maybe even enrol him in little karate or judo classes to help build his self esteem.

Perhaps you could talk to the school about it, maybe they can suggest ways to help him too?

Absolutely, don't go down the 'big boys don't cry' route.

But if he cries when he can't have something, for example, rather than making a fuss, tell h im that you can't understand, could he please use his speaking voice to tell you what he wants? Encourage him to use words to express himself.

I was a 'cry baby' when teased/bullied. Being told to toughen up, not show my feelings etc. didn't help - it just left me feeling very alone. My take on things was that I couldn't understand why anyone would want to be nasty to anyone else, when people were nasty to me I would consequently take it very much to heart and cry, and when people said I shouldn't cry I felt I had a right to as I didn't see why they shouldn't see the consequences of their actions.
The last thing you should be putting across to your son is that you 'need him to toughen up'. I think Mytwopenceworth's advice is excellent. Acknowledge his sensitivity, don't give him the impression you reject him because of it. He should not feel it's not OK to cry, but be encouraged to develop a bigger repertoire of ways of dealing with difficult things. But he's only going to manage this if he feels you're behind him. Tbh your message sounds rather impatient with him.

He is only 4. He has only just started school. It's possible that he is feeling very insecure just now and needs all the back up he can get. If he learns that you are there for him and always will be and that you are on his side he will become more secure in himself and able to deal with the school stuff. The last thing I think he needs is 'toughening up' at home. Be supportive and find out what it is about school that is disturbing him and talk to him about ways of dealing with it.
Agree with PrettyCandles - speak to his teacher - the name calling should be stopped.

Thanks everyone for your responses