controlled crying-did it work for you?

[NButt]

I have a six month old baby who will not sleep when I put her down in the evenings. I got her into a bad habit of feeding her to sleep when she was first born and would put her down and she would sleep well through the night. This recently stopped working as she wakes as soon as I put her in her cot. I have tried so many things to get her to soothe herself to sleep and now resorted to controlled crying. I initially tried the checking in and consoling her every 10 minutes for a week with little improvement. She was crying for over 3hours some days and still not settling herself. Then I tried the method of checking in on her but avoided her seeing me. I did this for 10 days and was the hardest and the most horrible thing I have had to do since becoming a mum. She was crying up to 2:40mins (and me, not much less) before settling to sleep. Once asleep she would sleep until 3am then have a feed, then up at 8am. I just don't know what to do and feel awful about having to put my daughter through this. Today I am trying this other method of doubling the check-in times, starting with 2mins, then 4, e.t.c. It's so hard and emotionally exhausting.Can anyone please give me some advice as I don't I can go on much longer.
Thanks

CC worked for us too, within a week but DH and I worked as a team whilst doing it as it was emotionally draining (for all). We were lucky as I know it doesn't work for all. Now DD sleeps beautifully - for one week's crying to no tears at all, it was worth it in our case and DD is a happy, well-adjusted little thing on all that good sleep.

Controlled crying will create an anxious child - don't do it!!!

WTF! Is this a medical opinion or another wild assumption?

Did it both on the boys from a few weeks - worked a treat.

ANother important thing is the daytime routine - if you dont have a good one then it has a knock on effect. A baby needs 2 hours at lunch time and maybe a little nap around 4pm.

Plus the same cot, not interchanging between baskets and cot, totally confuses them and that probably causes some confusion. Baby loves routine.

Did, worked well. But they were older, 9/10 months I think, and never cried for as long as yours has. I also never did it in the middle of the night, only at bedtime - I read Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems and it made sense that a child who goes to sleepin

CC worked for DS at 10 mths - but it only took one night and he only cried for 40 mins then fell asleep. After that never had any significant broken nights.

I think it depends on why your DC is waking and crying. In DS's case I think he just felt like playing so was not so determined to cry for hours, so it worked in his case.

I know lots of others who have tried and failed and cosleeping until their DCs got a bit older was the only answer.

Bacon - sweeping generalisations are not helpful.

DS is a very laid back and happy child who has been a great sleeper from 10 months until now age 9.

...continued ....
A child who goes to sleep in one situation will wake and be distressed if they semi-rouse and find that the mother who cuddled them to sleep has disappeared.
IME once they can get to sleep alone (albeit with you in the room) and have got out of the habit of midnight snacks then they will scarcely ever wake at night - but that obviously doesn't work for every child.

I used CC and it worked for us. It is absolutley not cruel. I was never cruel to DS, he never screamed for hours.

CC for me me was about teachimg him to feel safe and secure in his bed. Teaching that I will always come back when he needs me, but he does not need to cling to me like a limpet.

I think many parent's use it to get their DC's to sleep through the night before they are ready which is wrong. DS was always fed if he was hungry.

It helped me realise that when he cried, I didn't need to rush to him and scoop him up. I could stop and assess what he needed. If he was just fussy, I could talk to him, pat his back, sing a song or whatever. I could interact and communicate with my baby in other ways than feeding and holding. I learned how to recognise different cries.

The most important thing is that I was there when he needed me. All his physical and emotional needs were met. CC was only used when he was crying to be picked up and I couldn't do it right this instant. It got to the point with DS that I couldn't even go to the loo without him screaming. Now I can go to the loo without all the drama. DS knows I still love him, and will come back, and he is OK.

I started off only CC during the day when DD was just over 6mo. Something switched around 6 months and she would not feed to sleep any more. We were stuck in this horrible spiral of bad daytime sleeping making her overtired at night, so she was waking 4-5 times after being an excellent night sleeper (she slept 10-8 from 5 weeks).

I found the day times easier to fix first. As others have said, a good amount daytime naps really helps the night settling. Once the daytime naps were sorted (about a week) we did it at night too.

It was emotionally draining, but again after about a week she only whinged/cried for the first mobile and fell asleep about 10-15 mins later. She even went back to just waking once or twice during the night. We've now started to work on the night wakings now, and seems to be going well so far.

It's not for everyone. However, we'd tried the other gentle, no crying methods and DD was getting worse. This was pretty much a last resort for us, and it's worked, but you have to be really committed to it, and you and DH really have to back each other up.

Good luck. I hope you get her sleep sorted soon, however you manage it

Millpond Sleep Clinic "teach your child to sleep" by Hamlyn £10. This book is the most sensisble easy to read book, set of techniques I have found for different ages. Written by 2 ex NHS mums who had problem sleepers. They talk about CC and other techniques when this doesnt work.
I truly believe some children do not respond to CC, some do and when your the parent of one that doesnt you feel like you are doing something SO wrong. This is compounded by the sleep exhausted mindset of the zoombie you have normally become. I have tried various techniques over the last 3.5yrs with my DD and gradual retreat has had the most success for us. CC just didnt work for our anixous highly imaginative child who regularly has alot less sleep than other children and is thriving, even if her parents are knackered! And we have no2 on the way now. So yes I will try CC again if needed but will not beat myself up if it doesnt work but will follow my instincts based on the childs personality.

Friend of mine who has fostered over 300 babies now says it takes about a week for a new sleep routine to work. (Of course, if it's not biologically your baby the pull on you and them isn't the same, but I still found this useful advice.) She did also say that some babies need to cry for a short time to settle themselves into sleep.

I think make sure all physical needs have been addressed and remember that babies are human. I've got two DCs, and what worked fantastically with one did not work AT ALL with the 2nd. They are all individual, that's why no bloody book in the world will come up with the answer for all children.

You're the parent, you do what works for you all through trial and error. It's OK to not know what to do, we've all been there. But nothing is worth all of you being upset for very long periods of time, and if it hasn't worked - or at least created some improvement within 3-4 days, then I'd try something different. I personally couldn't co-sleep, but clearly your DC needs some kind of object to settle, whether it's a bottle of expressed milk/teddy/blanket that smells of you, etc. Tiny steps. Ten minutes can feel like ten years to a little one. I'd try more frequent checking too, but without much interaction.

Yes, it has worked for us.

Started with DD when she was 6 months (wouldn't have attempted any younger than this).

Like you, she had been pretty good at settling down for a sleep after falling asleep on the bottle.

Then from about 4 1/2 months she became more and more difficult to settle on a night. It was sometimes taking us until about 11pm to get her to sleep.

I started controlled crying (checking that nothing else was wrong with her) and after about 5 days it had started to work. I never left her for more than 15 mins without going back in but after a short amount of time she would fall asleep within 5 minutes.

This also coincided with her sleeping through the night (approx 12 hrs).

I'm aware that there will be blips along the way - teething, illnesses etc. and we may have to start the process again but really we were at the point where we felt that we had no other option.

Having said that, we were quite lucky in that the max she ever cried since starting CC was 30-40 mins. I probably couldn't have stuck it for anyone longer than that.

It is also now working for daytime naps too. I can put her in the cot awake when she seems tired, she may cry for about 5 mins but then has much longer naps (approx 2 hrs).

We've only been doing this for 2 weeks but we all feel much happier and DH and I feel that we have a bit of control back.

DD is also a lot happier during the day as she is getting the amount of sleep she needs when she needs it.

Hope this helps.

I know this is a controversial issue and a lot of people will disagree but this is my experience and I'm happy with it.

I tried it with both children and it worked for the first although she cried for about 2 hours and it took about 2 weeks. We also had to repeat the horrible process after holidays, illness and teething. I don't think it was the best thing really. With 2nd there were issues like trapped wind and possibly silent reflux although this is purely speculation - in any case it didn't work and I gave up after about 2 weeks and regret having persevered for so long, poor chap. I agree with previous messages - if it isn't working or is too stressful try different things and best to start with the more gentle things - rocking, patting, comfort blankets, singing and all that. A strong sleep-time routine is very helpful. However, I've never found a method that is totally crying-free. Ds was about 10 months before he could self-soothe. Was hugely stressful. Good luck.