3.4 year old driving me crazy

[conkertree]

It's so hard to do this concisely, but I will give it a go.

Ds1 (3.4) has always been on the difficult side, although a large part of that has been to do with having pretty severe eczema. Has recently been confirmed as being strongly allergic to eggs, peanuts, mussels nd shellfish, and fairly strongly to milk, (and that's just what was tested for - there could be other allergies but he has been referred to an allergy clinic for furrier investigation).

Anyway, he has been a rubbish sleeper since birth - probably slept through fewer than 20 times since birth, and I'm sure that plays a part in his behaviour.

He just doesn't seem to get on with other children. He doesn't seem to know how to make friends. He plays fairly well with his cousins who he sees pretty regularly, but it's almost always him who ends up hitting the others after a certain amount of time has passed.

He's gone to playgroups since he was tiny, but he always seems to be the one on the outside of any group, and he often seems to try and annoy other children, rather than play with them.

He started nursery in August when he turned 3 and they say he plays much more with the girls cause he finds a lot of the boys too rowdy, but they have also noticed recently that he has been hitting a fair amount.

Anyway, sorry that this is long, but the last thing is that he keeps trying to cut dh out of everything. He won't let him do his bandages, or out him to bed, do his teeth etc unless he is in a really good mood. If he is even remotely cross, only mummy can do anything.

Just wondered if anyone can help with the hitting/ how to help him make friends? Or with the letting dh help him?

Missed out that he gets on pretty well with ds2 (1.7) but hits him quite a lot too.

Sounds like the poor love is uncomfortable, tummy and skin driving him mad and I can fully understand why he is fed up and grumpy.
On the other hand much of what your describe is a typical 3 year old too!
I think you need to get his health really undercontrol and go from there. Have you got on top of the eczema? I assume your now looking at his whole diet. Must be a tough time xx

Hello!
He sounds like quite a normal 3 year old to me
Don't worry about the friends thing, they get to it in their own time, well my DS did. He had one or two "friends" at 3, but it's only now at 4 that I would say he is making his own proper friends.

Personally I would do the tough love thing on him wanting only Mummy. Then that's me, I'm hard . I would just ("just!!") stand firm and say no, Daddy is going to do x and stick to it. He'll come round if you stick to your guns.

I would work on the sleep and the health stuff. That will really help him and hopefully the rest will fall into place.

Thanks for the replies. I know a lot of three year olds do hit, but he just always seems to be the most badly behaved when we are out and about.

We have finally had our referral through for Yorkhill (children's hospital in Glasgow) so I'm hoping things will improve with his health after that.

I know lots of people have an awful lot more to cope with, it's just the lack of sleep I think which is making everything else seem worse. Have been awake since just before 4am trying for an hour to get ds back to sleep, but eventually gave up and took him downstairs do that dh and ds2 could sleep.

Just have a lot less patience than I used to, and on the few occasions when I get a chance to have a cup of tea with some other mums at a group, ds1 ends up hitting some poor wee child and I eventually have to take him home.

Tggr - part of me would like to do some tough love cause I'm finding things a bit hard ( although again, I know that he is having to put up with so much so it makes me feel guilty for not having the patience with him) but when he gets really cross, he scratches so much that he ends up bleeding or at least very red and sore if he is bandaged as he usually is, so I tend to avoid it when I can, but that probably doesnt help in the long run.

He doesn't use the scratching to get attention or his own way afaik, but its just a habit when he is cross.

Bumping to see if there is any more advice on getting him to let dh help him more as it's also driving dh crazy that he can never help.

Could they have a special day out together to somewhere fab? Science Museum??

Yes marypoppins - it's certainly worth a go. I'll suggest it to dh. Thanks.

My DS has quite bad eczema and a bad temper, I am sure that the two go together. It must be so hard itching all the time. Coupled with lack of sleep and tummy problems no wonder your DS finds life hard.

I am not underestimating how hard it is, I am frequently at the very end of my tether with DS. lack of sleep makes me despair. So I am sending lots of sympathy and hoping that things improve for you soon.

My DS will have nothing to do with my DH at the moment either, so you are not alone on that front either.

Thanks humphrey - sorry to hear your ds is similar with your dh, but it is good to know that other children do the same. How old is your ds?

He is nearly 4.

I think it's pretty hard being three - a bit like being a teenager - lots of changes in the transition from toddler to child. And all this is on the normal scale.

dd does the refusing daddy thing. we try and push it sometimes but it's hard. I think it's partly about them finding it difficult to let go of being a baby, so personally i'm trying to be patient with it knowing one day i'll miss the times she wanted me all the time!

I think they can feel a bit awkward anyway and his eczema can't help. If he has a younger brother too can you make sure you get a bit of quality quiet time just with ds?