Very effective toddler bedtime stalling tactic - asking for hugs

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My dd has been attempting bed time avoidance for a long time, but recently she seems to have taken it to a new level. It goes like this;

Me: Time to brush your teeth dd.

Her: But I need a hug first.

10 minutes of hugging later...

You need to brush your teeth dd.

I need a hug first.

Then continuing ad nauseum. Same with pyjamas and then trying to get her to get into bed.

It quite often ends up with her getting all whiney and upset and me getting stressed out. I lost the rag with her a bit tonight and I feel crap about that.

She has been with me for most of the day and had plenty of physical contact and attention, so it's nothing to do with that.

Do your toddler do this too? Any tips on how to deal with this so bed time does not take 3 hours? She's 2.5.

How about, "Hugs only after you've brushed teeth/put PJs on"?

Or "No hugs now but lots when you're in bed?"

Hope this helps, they can be very manipulative can't they! :)

No, you're right, it's all about the stalling and not because she loves you soooo much (although she does).

Effective isn't it? I would instigate a specific 'hug time', eg after book/before bed, and make it only a couple of mins or so. Then you can say, when it's teeth time, 'no, hug time is after books' or whatever.

There will be tears, she will probably move onto other also effective stalling techniques. I can say from bitter experience that it's easier to get tough now than let it get more and more prolonged. Dd1 is 3.3 now with over a years practice under her belt. Damn she's good .

ds (2.11) does this all the time! every time I say no, or try to tell him off, or in fact try to do anything without him. 'I need a hug Mummy' - cute but drives me demented.

I have to be fairly firm. He gets one quick hug if he asks when I'm in the middle of something (longer proper cuddle if there's time). If it's being used as a stalling technique then no hugs. Harsh Mummy!

At bedtime I give him a cuddle in bed then I say I have to go and do the washing up but that I'll come back and see him when I've finished. I then come back downstairs and MN! :) very occasionally I have to go back up to him.

If he gets really silly about not putting pjs on or brushing teeth I carry on with bedtime routine and say, fine we won't brush teeth tonight. This normally shocks him so much he agrees to do what it was I asked in the first place. Funny things 2 year olds!

They get more cunning with age. DS (5), when asked about his day at school during the day, gives a teenage-style monosyllabic response. At bedtime however, he suddenly sits up with, "At school today, I did..." and so on.

Either that, or needs a poo.

Say no more hugs - stop it I know what you're doing and it's bedtime - we will hug in the morning.

DS 2.3 goes to bed like an angel, then gets up to use the potty. He doesn't need it, but it gets him out of bed for 10 mins.

Thanks everyone! Yes, I'll just have to try to be a bit more firm and say 'hugs when you're in bed' or something. That kind of thing has worked with her in the past actually (about other things) but it's just so hard to be firm about the hugs.

Mine used to sit on my lap and have a hug while they brushed their teeth, and then we would go through to their bedroom where they would sit on my lap to get changed for bed, then they would sit on my lap on their bed whilst they had their bedtime story. Then they would ask for more stories. Then I would kiss them good night, lots of kisses everywhere until they giggle, then I said good night and went downstairs.

Elk - that sounds like a lovely bed time and what I'm aiming for. Problem is with my dd it's more of a launching herself at my neck and clinging on for dear life, so quite difficult to do anything!

I'm also thinking I should start the whole thing a bit earlier because it could be tiredness isn't helping.

Yes, here too, then crocodile tears, then, "but I love you mummmeeeee". I feel terrible. I try and be firm with her, cuddles and kisses once we've done x, y and z, and I love you too, that's why you need to do these things. She's 3.11 - I think they just change their tactics like PP said.

noteven - the other night she said to me 'I want to love you all the time mummy'. I said but I do love you all the time and she said 'no, now you are saying not to hug me'.

With DD1 saying "how many" works well. So I'll say, alright then 4 big hugs, tonight you can have 3 stories etc. She often manages to squeeze a few more out but it seems to work quite well.

I do that with the stories ISNT, so will try it with the hugs, good idea, thanks.

Good luck

You say no. That's honestly the best way to deal with it.

You say "In a minute, hugs in bed. Teeth now."

I GUARANTEE she will become outrageously thisty next. Or hungry. Or will need Daddy.

coldtits - yes, she already thinks of all the nine different things she needs to eat as soon as I mention bedtime.

Right, firm and calm tonight!