Bonding with Two Yr Old/ Jealous of Grandparents

[wasl102]

I have a 2 and half yr old daughter with whom I came into her life when she was 2. She calls me daddy and we laugh/play but i can see that she is more closer to her grandparents than me especially her Granddad- she even calls him Dad which really annoys me. How do i bond with her more/ what can i do to strengthen the relationship between me and her. I am jealous of the fact that me and her are not as close as her and her granddad on her mothers side.

Well, maybe grandad has spent more time with her than you?

Chill; it's not a competition. You're new in her life and it really is about how much time you spend with her, and how much fun that time is for her.

Put the effort in, on a consistent basis, and she'll soon recognise that you're dad. :)

I understand obviously that its because the Granddad has played a much more active role in her life than I have but its disheartening to hear her call him Dad sometimes and seem to enjoy his company more than with me.

Of course its not a competition but what parent would be content that their child appears to love someone else more than them?

I forgot to mention that my daughter doesnt live with me she spends 3 days a week if not more at her Grandparents house and when she is with me shes (understandably) constantly asking for mummy, nana, Granddad.

In any case what advice could anyone give in terms of activities to with a two and a half yr old girl for a father?

How did it come about that you had no contact with your DD for her first two years? (I'm not being critical here, just asking! Feel free not to reply, but I think it may be relevant; is there hostility between you and her mum/her family?)

As for stuff to do with a 2 yo, I know it's difficult when you're new to parenting, but it's a mix of being daft and setting limits; it's a challenging thing. You play with them (however you like to, but it'll involve getting on hands and knees at some point!) and have to say "no" when, well, "no" is the appropriate answer.

Look, no-one, and I mean no-one, is better qualified to be your DD's dad than you. All it takes is listening to her (this may be more about body-language than speech, and you will learn her body language if you pay attention) and responding.

You don't have to be perfect. No parent is.

Earlier this year I was told by my ex that I have a 2 yr old daughter. I had no idea prior to that point because me and her had split up and she never told me she was pregnant.
Took me a while to get over such shocking news but I realised I needed to be in my child life as soon as possible.
My daughter even was named after her Granddad one of her middle names is adapted from his.
Some say these are little picky things but to me its important.

This site is really good, I think. I'm a uselessly non-crafty mother and steal tips. The book is supposed to be good, too.

Parenting takes time and patience and biting your tongue, really. That's the only way to build a bond. Bloody hard work but very rewarding - and good for you for stepping up to the plate. You must feel a bit robbed about the past, but two is still tiny and in years to come she won't know you weren't always there. Nobody can replace a parent who puts the time, effort and care in - loving her grandpa is separate from loving her dad. Give it time.

For the record my son often seems to love my husband more than me. Tis never easy, but kids are just tactless. There's always enough love to go around, and in the future you'll find the bond effortless and very strong, if you keep consistently loving her and spending good quality time with her.

Well, it's great that you want to be part of your daughter's life. Really great.

Jealousy is a horrible feeling. It is not positive in any way.

Can you look at your daughter and her grandfather and be happy for her that she had a strong male role model in her life whilst you weren't around? That it added to her, gave her positivity and love? Forget about yourself in this instance and think about what is good for your daughter.

You are now in her life. It will take a lot of time for you and your dd to forge the bond of father and daughter.

But, if you are patient, kind, spend lots of time with her - without spoiling her with ott gifts etc - she and you will be as close as any other father and daughter.

Try to forget about the role of her grandfather - it's not a competition. She's lucky to have you both. Please don't make her begin to feel that she has to choose between you and him so that you don't feel bad.

My children too absolutely and without doubt prefer their father over me. And it does hurt my feelings sometimes but I'm hoping when they're grown up, they won't favour him quite so much.

I hope you enjoy being a dad - what a tremendous and exciting thing!

Yes, I would say don't worry. It will just take time for her to bond with you.

Activities - at 2.5 mine liked going to soft play with her dad - but be prepared to climb it with her and go down the slides. Or just a ride on her trike/walk to the park, feeding the ducks - simple things really. Having a gingerbread man or a smoothie in a cafe was another thing she enjoyed. Our local surestart centre does a dads and toddler session on a saturday morning. At home - playdough, sticking glittery things onto paper - pritt stick is less messy, or just stickers and paper if you don't want the mess. Mine loved just imaginative play with plastic animals. Making biscuits. Helping with cooking - obviously not hot things, but I think mine used to chop mushrooms with a blunt knife at this age. Then silly play really - being a horse she can ride, hide and seek that sort of thing.

Mine has a dad at home and has phases of liking him or me better which she quite openly states. I try to rise above it really and just offer her stability, consistency as much fun as I can manage. My job isn't necessarily to be popular with her - but to care for her.

I hope you have a wonderful time with her, they just need a lot of attention at this age, lots of playing with imv.

All the very best.

and Aqua draw/doodle is another good thing at this age - if you haven't seen it, it's a pen you put water in and draw things, stencils etc on a big sheet of cloth.

You may be reading too much into her calling her grandad "dad" - DD regularly calls me "dad" (I'm mum), she just gets a bit confused sometimes. Language is still fairly new to them at this age. Plus the "G" sound is quite hard, she may just find it easier to say 'dad' than 'grandad'. She is still very little, and they do have favourites at this age, mostly it's a phase that passes and someone else will come into favour in a bit. And trust me, there are both pros and cons to being favourite... like when they want you and only you at bedtime... Just be there for her, and I'm sure you'll have a great relationship with her.

I think you are overthinking the granddad thing, of course she was close with him and to be honest, you are lucky she had a strong male role model around and that she was so loved and cared for during that time (not your fault in any way that you weren't there of course).

You need to focus on building your own relationship with her, and stop making comparisons, they are really destructive. All children go through phases of preferring one person to another, it happens between partners living together and there's nothing more infuriating than when you've looked after a child all day and they prefer Daddy and want Daddy (or Mummy or whoever). You need to be cool, calm and collected otherwise she will start to sense she can't prattle on about her other relations to you.

As for building bonds, just do stuff you like to do, if you don't want to play on the floor, don't, go on day trips to places, to the park, take her shopping on trips, the chance to get one to one time will be so valuable to her. It will come in time, you've only been in her life about six months! But it's wonderful you are keen to be there and get on well with her, try not to focus on names and stuff at this stage when you are relatively new on the scene.

What others have said: focus on the positive, try to clamp down on your own jealous feelings , have fun together, give yourselves time and do not worry about anything a 2 yo says.

My dd once called the butcher's assistant Daddy: I am, shall we say, a middle-aged mum and he looked about 17 .

But then the same 2yo also told me very calmly that she won't need to love me when she is grown up as I will be dead then. And I am the mother who had been in her life since the day she was born. Getting to know a 2yo is not for the fainthearted. But they are great fun- concentrate on that!

have replied on the thread on the other forum.