how to deal with dcs bickering, winding each other up etc?

[fattybum]

i have 2 boys aged 2 and 4. Sometimes they get on great, other times its just constant arguments. The main problem is ds1 continuously winding ds2 up eg poking him, throwing a soft ball at him, snatching what he's got then running away. He just really seems to get a kick out of it. Doesnt usually get too aggressive. I just dont know how to best deal with it and it makes me so mad i want to hurt him. Do i just need to turn more of a blind eye, or is there some magic cure? And is this normal? Thanks

Running out now but giving this a little bump and I will be back later. I also have a 4 year old (girl) and a two year old (boy) and they also wind each other up quite a bit..

THey just seem to need to be inteeeeeeeense!

Lurking with interest!

thanks for bump! No advice then? Maybe just reassurance that i havent got horrid children?

I think this is completely normal behaviour between sibings (especially boys) and it is usually the eldest winding the younger one up - why? Because they can!! The 4 year old could be a bit jealous of his little brother and thinks he gets more attention. Can you give the big boy more attention and see if that helps. I'm worried that you say you want to hurt your 4 year old - that's not on. Don't take it so seriously - it's called sibling rivalry and it certainly went on with my kids and now my grandchildren, and is a normal (though annoying) part of development. The younger child usually finds a way of making more of it (screaming loudly) or some other behaviour to make sure mummy shouts at big brother.

Can your 4 year old have friends of his own age to play sometimes and you can keep the 2 year old out of their way.

I tend to think it's usually some form of sibling rivalry rearing its ugly head when we get it here, and we sometimes do..

Does your DS1 do it when he's bored?

Sorry forgot to say, on the occasions when the 4 year old is nice to 2 yr old (there must be some surely?) or doesn't snatch when you ask him not to, be dramatic with your praise "WOW how good are YOU" - I did this with one of my g/sons recently and he glowed with pride. Positive reinforcement is a good tool to have, try to ignore bad behaviour but dish out "over the top" praise whenever you can- it works - honest.

i know its not good to feel like hurting him, i seem to get irrationally annoyed at the winding up. He probably does need more 1 to 1 time, but its hard to fit it in. He does do it when bored, but also when he has just been given attention.

They do also get on and have fun together, which i do praise, maybe not enough. Its just the gut wrenching feeling i get when he does it and gets that look in his eye thats so hard!

I hear you sister! My boys are 2 and a half and 4 and it is damn tiring when they start... I do think the attention thing has a lot to do with it but it just gets too much sometimes doesn't it? I love my boys so much but love them a hell of a lot more when they are being a team and having fun together! My Dh has been working on gettin them to team up, he plays fighting game with them ya know the usual rolling round the floor kids jumping on him that kind of thing... So he "traps" one, they wiggle and giggle and Dh says things like your my prisoner there is no escape only your brother can save you now! Cue brother saving brother :) has given them a good boast in the right direction... We try to use the team thing as much as possible and tell them together they are stronger etc etc just get them to associate being a unit and having more fun that way... Does that make any sense?

Oh man, my 5 year old just got a time out for this....whatever his younger sister has, he snatches, he teases her, he pokes, pushes etc...seems all the time at the mo. Its driving me crazy!! DD is not the innocent party though, often grabbing his fave toy and running off, or ruining his match attax or scribbling on his drawings...cue...utter meltdown from ds!!

Xmas Hols tomorrow...happy days lol