9 Year Old stealing money

[Gonzo33]

I found out today that my 9 year old has stolen ?6.50 from me. He said he spent it on sweets. What do you think is a fair punishment?

I have grounded him for 2 days and told him he is to give the money back out of his next pocket money.

i think that's punishment enough isn't it?

Have you explained to him why it is wrong?? apart from the punishment??

Yes, on several occasions we have discussed why stealing money is wrong.

I'm not an ogre, but just wanted someone elses opinion on what their punishment would be having not been in this position before.

I remember (to my shame) stealing money from my mum's purse.

I think I did it because I didn't have pocket money and wanted to buy sweets.

I remember my mum being great about it. She explained that the money in her purse was used to buy things that the family really needed and if I took it (as well as it being wrong) that the family would 'go without.'

She also said stealing would make me unhappy, that I wouldn't be ablr to enjoy what I'd bought with it because I'd know they were bought with stolen money.

She asked me why I stole and helped me problem solve how I could make money.

She did punish but also said she understood why I'd done it but that it wasn't ok. She didn't shame me, she let me know she thought I was a good person who didn't and shouldn't steal.

Her punishment to me was that because I took something from her, I needed to 'give something back,'and I was given a list of chores as long as my arm to carry out for the next week e.g. sweeping the stairs down with dust pan & brush/ clearing the table after meals/ dusting the banisters (I can see she gave me jobs where by I didn't manage to break stuff!).

Good luck.

Does he enjoy stories? The Waterbabies by Charles Kingsley covers a lot of things like this, and IMO is a must read for everybody

I think the punishment you dished out was appropriate, ie it directly related to the "crime". And you had fab advice from others so hopefully it wont arise again.

Thanks everyone. I think it shocked me more than anything. I like the chore idea, and might make that part of his grounding - although maybe not quite that long a list .. ha ha

Purple, I shall have a look for that book. Thank you.

Me xx

I just think you ought to have a talk with your son about "life in general" and see if anything is bothering him. I remember one ofmy sons doign this at about the same age and I read the riot act and he told me he thought we preferred his little brother to him and I was amazed. He was upset and crying and saying little things that we said to the little brother and not to him. I assured him we loved him just as much etc. He didn't do it again.

Some children do steal as they are feeling left out or not getting "enough" - it used to be said "a child who steals is stealing love" but I think this is a bit far fetched. It was something said by an old fashioned psycho-dynamic counsellor (when I was doing my social work training over 30 years ago)

All the same I would just have a chat with him - you never know what might come out. I remember stealing sixpence from my older sister's purse and it was because I thought she had so much more money than me! she probably did as she was 4 years older but I still feel bad when I think about it!

Oohhh I was gonna try and think up a clever reply, but you've all come up with much better suggestions than I could offer! :)

Good luck!