Daddy is the favourite - how to deal with this?

[carolynd]

My DS is nearly 3yrs old. Since he was about 7 months old he's been a real daddy's boy, despite the fact I breastfed him for 11 months, took 9 months off work and went back part-time.He has a younger brother who's now 13months. I breastfed him as well so obviously daddy had to deal with our older boy more while I was concerned with the baby. It's at a ridiculous stage now where I'm not 'allowed' to do anything with our older boy when daddy's around. 'Want daddy to brush my teeth/wipe my nose/get my clothes on' etc etc etc.If I try and do it there is a major tantrum. When I can't be bothered with that I just go along with it. I know to a certain extent it's normal toddler behaviour but aside from trying not to be hurt about it (which is hard because this 'phase' has lasted so long) sometimes his demands are so ridiculous I feel I have to make a stand and challenge this behaviour. Otherwise I feel it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy and daddy will the be the only one who can 'deal' with him. When I do make a stand though there is a major showdown and I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing or whether I'll alienate him more - or is he too young still to worry about that? When daddy's not around it's all totally fine and he's lovely towards me. Just not sure what's the best way to deal with this?

My situation is similar. DS1 BF until 13 months - he is 3 in Jan. DS2 still BF and he is 1 in Jan. DH and I both work part time and share child care. DS1 is very much a daddy's boy. One part of me is pleased that he has such a good relationship with him but it also hurts when he won't allow me to comfort him if he falls etc if his daddy is there.
I have spoken to other people about this and they have reassured me that its not a personal slight on me ! but a natural phase of development that will change over time.
Sorry can't offer much reassurance other than I am in the same position

Hello,

I have the opposite - my DS who's 3 1/2 wants me (mum) to do everything and never his dad.

He even went through a very long stage of saying (and doing) that he wanted to bite, hit, smack daddy etc He'd say "I don't love daddy" over and over - it was horrible.

My partner was obviously very hurt and at a loss as to what to do.

We then read this book called Unconditional Parenting, which I am not a complete fan of, but it has influenced the way we parent and made us change some things - my partner in particular.

Since reading the book my partner has stopped trying to make a stand with DS and stopped reacting in a hurt way. He just accepts the behaviour - unconditionally ...

It has brought on an almost instant change in DS. He now says all the time "I love you and I like you" to his dad. Never talks about smacking and hurting him anymore and is much more accepting of his dad doing things for and with him.

I really think that DS had begun to see his dad as a harder, not so loving figure, whilst I was soft and easy going. Now that he feels less criticised and more loved by his dad he is happier to spend time with him.

Thanks - that's really helpful. I've spoken to someone else who said her boy was the same and then when he turned 4yrs it reversed. It just seems so long when every other phase of behaviour / sleep issues is shorter! I'm definitely harder than DH and a bit less fun, as DH seems oblivious to the mountain of chores to do at home, and manages to spend a lot more time playing. hmm Negotiations are ongoing regarding this!