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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

F***ing four year olds!

20 replies

fattybum · 14/12/2010 18:31

I'm finding ds1 such hard work at the moment I could cry. He is not being "naughty" as such, just awkward. He seems to be going through a phase of not playing with anything, just finding destructive things to do instead. After school he's pretty tired, so we often put a dvd on. The problem is when it's finished he is either asking for more food (even though he has just had snacks and dinner's nearly ready) or winding ds2 up, which in turn REALLY winds me up. I get angry and shout, he cries and says he's sorry, then the cycle begins again. This is basically what is happening everyday at the moment.

ds1 decided he wanted to write all of his classmates xmas cards himself (which I was really pleased about as he's not always that keen on writing) but when I explained I needed to write the name on the envelope so that his teacher knew which bookbag to put them in, he started to get angry and say that he wanted to do it all himself etc etc. I tried to explain it to him logically, but he wouldn't back down and again I ended up shouting, going upstairs to calm down and putting him to bed early because he was driving me so mad!

Is this just age? Time of year? Or have I just got a particularly awkward child?

I am finding it so hard to enjoy his company at the moment, whereas ds2 is so easy in comparison.

Anyone else going through this/got any advice?

Thanks

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Original poster

fattybum · 14/12/2010 19:33

bump!

OP posts:

earwicga · 14/12/2010 19:36

Stop shouting at him. Stop explaining and tell him. Make full use of the naughty step and time out techniques.

He is more tired and stressed than he has ever been with school every day.

You have a normal child. Be thankful you haven't got twins.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 14/12/2010 19:36

I think it's that he's 4 yrs old, and is wound up by all the Christmas stuff, and is knackered (I have one too, I feel your pain!)

Original poster

fattybum · 14/12/2010 19:47

thankyou! I dont know many children so its hard to know whats normal! I dont shout all the time, just all getting too much at the moment, and ds1 winding ds2 up all the time just makes my blood boil. Is it just par the course with siblings that they annoy each other so much?

OP posts:

earwicga · 14/12/2010 19:54

Yes it is! My 8 year olds do it all the time. Drives me to distraction. But, my sister passed on her sofa and armchairs down to me a couple of weeks ago. They have an armchair each now and it has reduced fighting/bickering by a good 75%. Wonderful! Now I have nowhere to put the tree though...

Do you do the naughty step - warnings and time out? I found it worked brilliantly.

I think with the cards I would of just written the names on later after the child had finished. One of the best lessons I;ve learnt is pick your battles wisely. Some really aren't worth it.

SpringHeeledJack · 14/12/2010 19:56

I remember my dd at the same age sitting down on the pavement on the way home from school, shouting "bollocks"

it gets better. I promise

earwicga · 14/12/2010 19:57

I often feel like that SpringHeeledJack.

Agree, it does get better.

Original poster

fattybum · 14/12/2010 20:02

its not just me then! I think part of the problem is that i sit there thinking everybody else is doing so much better than me.

I only really do timeout for hitting each other.

Springheeledjack, when does it get better?

OP posts:

earwicga · 14/12/2010 20:03

When they leave home fattybum.

SpringHeeledJack · 14/12/2010 20:06

errrr....when they're....errrr...

[flustered]

...seven???

SpringHeeledJack · 14/12/2010 20:08

ooh, you're blessed too, earwicga?

dearprudenceandtheivy · 14/12/2010 20:08

Love the thread title

Do you need to change your routine at all? Do tea earlier perhaps? If my DS is hungry, his behaviour is frightful.

Agree with others who suggest the standard behaviour techniques - warnings and sanctions. Or a sticker chart with clearly defined positive behaviours, eg: being kind to DS2, sharing nicely, etc.

FamilyWhoNeedsEm · 14/12/2010 20:08

you are almost me!

DD also does not mean to be argumentative, destructive or defiant, but ends up being so easily, she constantly does stuff like picking up my glasses to pass them to me even though she knows she is not to touch them, and they are enough out of her reach to not be tempting ie on a shelf not on her table, she shuts her brother in places knowing it upsets him, but not maliciously, draws on walls because she 'forgets', insists on doing things herself because she 'can' now, even though she can't really, needs some help, refuses, unless she asks herself, has no concept of time (of course not) and generally disobeys everything we tell her, like she is deaf! we have a lot of meltdowns recently, involving her being told not to do something then doing it, or taking something from her that she cannot have, or messing around at the meal table etc.

I am not sure what to do about it either tbh, am pretty sure it is tiredness, as only just started school this year, coupled with being a bit run down from a bug that has dragged on for weeks.

I shall watch this thread with interest for some ideas! and hope you get some respite from it soon too !

Original poster

fattybum · 14/12/2010 20:20

he's actually improved in lots of areas, just seems like there is always something to stress me out. Maybe it's called having kids? I never realised it would all be such a challenge and am kind of wishing for a quiet life at the moment, no chance of that.

I don't think the routine is a problem to be honest. He has a snack as soon as he walks out of school otherwise we probably wouldn't get home, he just seems to ask for food as a substitute to having something better to do, the same with winding his brother up. He is always very apologetic and I think he does want to be "good" just doesn't always know how or just forgets!

OP posts:

earwicga · 14/12/2010 20:25

Oh yes SpringHeeledJack :) Nine in March.

Hunger is a big trigger for fighting I find here too. Perhaps a more substantial snack when he gets home and a slightly later tea. Or an earlier tea like dearprudence suggests.

Or perhaps his moaning for more food is really him wanting to see you a bit more after he's recovered from the after-school feeling. Maybe it is classic attention seeking and you could give him something to 'help'?

earwicga · 14/12/2010 20:26

x posted (took time to try and remember what life was like when mine were 4)

NonnoMum · 14/12/2010 20:27

I put it down to seasonal behaviour. I found that if I fed them pretty much as soon as we get in, then behaviour is better. (only in Winter - can go for hours in the summer)

And with regard to the names on envelopes, I would have written a list (or post it notes or summit) so that he could have a go at labelling them all...

I take it this is his first term at school? Don't underestimate the cumulative effect of a long hard slog at school, long dark evenings and darker mornings etc, all the Christmas stuff going on etc and just, er, stuff.

Don't try and do anything else but feed 'em and get 'em to bed at this time of year. Don't bother with the naughty step, that's like punishing a pensioner for not sprinting fast enough.

IMHO

IAmReallyFabNow · 14/12/2010 20:28

Pick your battles. You should have let him write the envelopes.

earwicga · 14/12/2010 20:30

Ha, that's a funny analagy NonnoMum

I think that time out is more to stop parents losing their rag with children tbh. Worked here anyways and there were consequences to actions that had been warned about. Job done.

Tgger · 14/12/2010 22:02

I vote tired and hungry.

My DS is 4 too (only just so a bit younger?). He gets a snack before we walk home from school (he does 2 full days at nursery and 3 mornings). Then he gets telly, then it's tea.

I've cut back T.V. and made tea earlier and the difference is VERY GOOD INDEED. I am surprised how much he eats after a snack not long before.

Similar to your son he gets awkward and really annoying (nothing is right, behaviour goes more like 2 than 4..., but very articulate kind of 2 when tired and hungry.

I am looking forward to the end of term....

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