How do I deal with this one??

[tryingtobemarypoppins2]

DS just turned 3. I was watching his behaviour at a very busy pary today. He was trying to play with a bike with trailor and one child (4 year old) was winding him up by running of with the trailor then throwing it across the room etc. Whilst playing elsewhere younger children eat/ran off with etc parts of the game, all the normal snatching stuff etc

Towards the end a child he was playing with suddenly pushed him. No big deal.

Now it seems some 3 year olds when these things happen a) cry b) let it wash over them and ignore/move on etc c) get cross/upset and hit back etc.

My DS is very much a 'C'. How do I manage this as I don't agree with hitting back,it often makes him look the bad guy (annoying if the other child then crys!). I know he is really annoyed but I can't let him hit back.

So what do I do/say??

Hmmmm. Tricky. It's that problem of how much you get involved and when and if the other parents get involved too.....

I think you have to teach him not to hit or push under any circumstances, but tell him to say things like "Don't push me!"- the louder the better so adults (other child's mother) can hear.

Also "I was playing with that" very loudly, or to go and play with something else. Other child is wrong of course and perhaps a parent should step in, or if it was at nursery you might expect an adult to step in.

It's hard isn't it how much to leave to them, they need to learn skills but at the same time they are little people easily upset/there is a case for some guidance on right and wrong....

DS has got a lot better- think they do between 3 and 4- he's just turned 4. It's just a bit painful to watch them struggle in the meantime. There will always be naughty kids as well....

Thanks Tgger its so hard as often others don't see the provication and the initial push or hit but they always tend to see my DS react!

I do feel for him as baby brother keeps eating his games etc and what can I do!

Bumping. Any other advice lovely MNers!?

i think its perfectly fine.

someone hits you - you hit them back

Seriously?? He tends to do it back harder

Errrr, no I wouldn't go that way..... hopefully some others have some pearls

Great thanks Cat love the pen idea!! I do get cross when DS snatches from babies but I guess at just 3 he may not understand they are too young to know etc.
I really don't think hitting back is the way to go with his peers, later on when he is older I think it will bleer the boundries and he may be the one to get told off at school etc.

Indeed . When your baby is a year older- or so, and your DS is just 4 you'll be where I am now, and the new set of problems- 2 year old snatching, shouting "Mine!!!" and 4 year old bursting into tears...... or sometimes the other way round .

Good news is that they can be taught and they do learn... even terrible twos respond to being asked nicely to give things back "Younger sibling (insert name), I was playing with that, please give it back... shall I get you your. insert favourite toy....", or even " Younger sibling... we can play together..." Hee hee... all good fun ......

I was always told 'if someone hits you, hit them back harder, but NEVER hit first'.

I never had to do it thankfully, but I'm pretty sure the little bugger kid who hit first wouldn't do it again!!

If they were 20 I may slighly agree Tw1nkle but at just 3 is all normal learning stuff! Make peace not war and all that!!
My main reason though for not wanting him to hit back though is, that DS may look like the guilty one and not the hitter! Problem is DS doesn't take a moment to think he just reacts back.....not sure where he gets it from?? ;)