Miserable 4 year old DD

[Muran]

Hi
My DD will be 5 next March and basically ever since 18 months, she has been moody and miserable. She is very shy with adults, but when at home she is loud, naughty and disobedient. She plays well with other kids, although best one on one.

I know shyness is common and part of the problem, but she is just so moody, someone only has to brush past her and she'll push them and give them an evil look and grunt. She gets upset over the slightest thing - she couldn't stand her juice bottle up the other day and I thought the world had ended for her!

Any advice greatly appreciated, this makes me totally miserable too and I now have a short fuse with her, never use to be like that she was a good baby and I coped well, but it's now gone seriously down hill.

By the way, Health Visitors are totally useless, tried and failed witht them.

It is quite unusual for children that age to be 'miserable' all the time. Have you tried asking your GP to run a full set of tests on her, maybe she is lacking in something/something not quite right and it's making her tired/low level pain that she is so used to she thinks it's normal.

I would have to rule out anything like that before just deciding she's a mardy little mare.

I keep thinking about the doctors, but they will probably just laugh in my face and say she is normal. Also, how do I talk to the doctor when she is in the room with me, don't want her getting even more upset?

She can be happy, but I know she plays on the miserable thing a lot, pouts then smiles. Lots of friends say it's normal until they actually see her like that and say ' blimey, I see what you mean"!

It could be attention seeking as I have a two and a half year old, but she was like this before the baby was even born.

Phone the doctor to discuss your concerns, and ask him if he could do a full check up on her, calling itvlike av'5year. Check' or somethingcsimilarly bland

If you feel your Drs would laugh in your face - change Drs.

Book an appointment for yourself - talk to your Dr, explain the problem and then book another to take her along.

I wouldn't say to them that 'she can be happy and plays on it' tbh. I would just say that she is permanently miserable and you are concerned she is lacking in something or is in low level pain that is making her unhappy and because it's 'normal' to her, she doesn't know 'it's not right' just tell them how worried you are that there is something 'not right'.

Once you have done that and can pretty much rule out there being anything wrong with her you can work on her behaviour.

As it has been long term and before the baby doesn't mean it's not attention seeking. It is quite possible for her to have learned that this is the best/quickest way to get your attention (they generally don't care if it's good or bad attention, so long as it's attention!). I would praise the others for being 'cheerful' 'smiley' 'happy' and ignore her 'misery'. Read books about happy/friendly/good children doing nice things and grumpy/naughty children not. Give her LOADS of attention anytime she is happy/smiley/cheerful etc When she is doing the smiling then pouty thing just tell her that it will not work with you, that she can pout all she likes, but she wont get whatever it is she wants.... be firm.

It could be attention seeking. Test it with DH taking the young one and you spending loads of time with her for a week. If she's better, you have your answer.