4 year old cries about every little thing

[AJWentworth]

My four year old son cries and whines pitifully, several times a day for long periods, for the smallest reasons, for example his dinner is not exactly as he wanted it, or I have told him he has to turn the TV off after 2 CBeebies programmes, or he is having difficulty putting his socks on. I really feel worn out and at my wit's end with the constant crying and tantrums, and I do lose my temper with him and end up shouting from time to time, for which I feel duly guilty.

I think there must be something I am doing wrong which has caused him to form this habit. I'm no longer sure whether I should be being empathetic and soothing when he is upset about these small frustrations, or a bit more brisk and "come on now, you're not a baby, take a deep breath and count to 10". Neither seem to have worked - we have been telling him to take deep breaths and calm down since he was 2, but he is worse now than he was then. I am very worried that he will be unable to break this pattern, and will be an easy target for bullies. Even his little 2 year old sister can reduce him to tears. He is in nursery class and will move up to reception next year. I just can't think what to do to help him develop some emotional resilience.

He finds it very difficult to deal with any changes to his normal routine (e.g. his nursery class go for a visit to the "big school") and while he used to go off for the odd weekend at Grandma and Granddad's without much fuss and have a great time, now this is almost impossible, as there are huge tearful episodes whenever the subject is mentioned. We've had to curtail or cancel some of these visits, because he won't stop crying.

Other than this, he is a loving, funny, bright little boy, but he is driving my wife and I round the twist. I'm not unhappy that he is a sensitive, imaginative boy, and I don't want to turn him into an aggressive, toughie. However, he is going to have to learn to take the rough with the smooth sometimes - I just don't know how to help him to learn this for himself.

Does anybody have any ideas, or have experienced similar with their offspring?

Sorry for the overlong post.

My ds(9) is a 'sensitive' soul.

Can cry at the drop of a hat. I can't change him......we've had tears over the most ridiculous things, but obviously they mean something big to him.

With age, he has got better, more confident.....obviously helped by making friends at school etc. and knowing the surroundings, routines. But he can still well up over (what I believe to be) not very much.

You ds just needs time to learn his confidence. He needs re-assurance that yes it may be upsetting that something has not gone his way, or somethings changed but it's alright and he will still be ok.

my ds will never be an agressive toughie, but he is and hopefully always will be a sensitive, thoughtful, kind hearted boy/man.

sorry I've not really answered your question - but wanted you to know, I'm in the same boat.

I think it is because he is only 4 and can't control his emotions. DD1 (almost 6 now) was like that and has changed a lot in those 2 years. She can controlled herself more and can relativised.
Most of her friends were like that too at 4/5. (boys and girls). some (girls) are still.
Can you talk to him explain what going on. DD1 doesn't like her routine changed too much but she does like adventure and knowing what is going on in advance.
As for the shocks I just teach her that they are things worth crying for (sad...) but not putting your socks on is not one of them. If she can't do it ask for help nicely.
It seems to be working even if it takes some times.

DD1 was also frustrated that her speach is not up to speed with the way she was thinking (but she is trilingual and is very advance in science and understanding complex pattern, like the universe or water cycles), she still gets really angry when we don't understand what she means and gets upset when she can't do something that her friends can do.
All that will pass when your DS will grow more confident and more verbal. Help him to express himself and give him time to explain what's wrong.

As for toughening up, well I do say to DD1 that if she cries like a baby she will be laughed at at school.