Imaginary friends

[christmasheave]

My DS has talked about the same two friends at school since around October. He tells me about what they have played at school and what they did together and can describe them. I work full time, so am not at the school gates so wrote a note to the parents of his two friends to ask if they would like to come to play one day over the xmas hols.

All OK so far, until yesterday when I had a meeting with his very puzzled teacher who got the letters, because there are no children with those names in the whole school. When I questioned my DS about it, he explained that the teacher had made them invisible and they are only visible to him.

Now DS has had an imaginary pet cat since he was 2 years old, so its nothing new for us, but to have two imaginary friends at school, complete with descriptions, history and details of what they do every day seems a bit much.

I asked the teacher if he has friends and he does have a couple, so its not that he's alone. Now the school want to talk to me about his behaviour as apparently he finds it difficult to concentrate in class and deal with changes to his routine. The words they used are "creative but unsettled".

I am concerned that my child is going to be the weird child in the class. Does anyone else here have experience of multiple imaginary friends and/or "creative but unsettled"?

My DD2 had an imaginary friend from when she could talk until well into primary school. It had an unpronouncable name(not to her but to the rest of us) and we never knew if it was a girl or a boy. She talked a lot to this friend and also blamed it for naughty things from time to time!

It was a bit odd but we didn't pay too much attention and she did grow out of it.

She was a challenging child in lots of ways and although she still worries me to death she has grown up to be a lovely person and has children of her own now (one is very much like her so she is getting it all back!)

I have heard people say that children who have imaginary friends are picking up "spirits" and communicating with them. I really don't know about that but I do think it shows a good and creative imagination and I wouldn't worry about it.

He is a creative -

DBD1 is 10 and has had imaginary friends for the past 5 years and the family keeps growing.

She had been labelled in the same way at school and sadly lazy or old school teachers just ignored/demonised her instead of tackling it by trying to find ways to get her to learn- Some teachers don't like challenging pupils, they find it unsettling.

It wasn't until she had Y4 teacher (brilliant, open-minded, passionate) who embraced her uniqueness and creativity that she started doing better at school. She has been flourishing since then- We've learn to fight for her to be respected for her uniqueness.

She is now prolific storyteller and draws the most amazing portraits- She'll never be top of the class, we know that, but we know she is intuitive, intelligent and incredibly witty.

Don't let it get you down and make sure that the school know that you will not tolerate him being singled out. They need to work with him, not against him.

I just wanted to agree with mj that it's quite normal.

He's not very old is he? 4 or 5? Does he have any real friends? If he's unsettled at school he might be making up friends because he's lonely.

When are you seeing the teachers?

Thanks all for replying :)

Pegs - that sounds so like DS. He loves stories and will draw or play with modelling clay for hours, but is dreadful at sitting down and concentrating on other things. I just put it down to his age until I was told yesterday that its not usual.

If you think about it, he has been so detailed in what he says that he has managed to dupe both his Mum, Dad and grandparents into believing those two children exist. Not bad going for a 4yo.

It was just a worry yesterday being told that his behaviour singles him out. No parent wants to think of their LO not fitting in

I had a very vivid imaginary friend called Mary around this sort of age and then one day I announced she had died, with quite a detailed account of the accident that had killed her. Some friends of my parents overheard without realising and were horrified that I had apparently witnessed this ghastly freak accident that had killed one of my little friends!

I think it's pretty normal, apparently especially with only children (although I'm one of 5). And I did once read that it's relatively common to kill them off as well!

my ds at 3.5 has had imaginary friends since he was about 2- it did co incide with a newborn and a big move. they come and go now, get blamed for things, one is a bit of a party animal and drinks glasses of wine . these friends are animals, one is a dark blue 7 foot high squirrel named cedric(?) the party one is a crocdile- he is always in the naughty corner!

personally I wouldn't let the teachers single him out and I would separate this from his concentration skills- maybe you need to help him by doing what you do- sitting with him with books and drawing to teach him to concentrate. but i understand many little ones find it hard to sit down for long! maybe its very dull, what they have him sitting down for?

I had lots of imaginary friends when I was young, up to about 11 years and then used to write stories about them. they were also animals and birds, ie monkeys and parrots etc!
your ds sounds very imaginative, and as long as he knows they are pretend, ie no pretend dinner places...