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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Anyone interested in a support thread for velcro babies?!

11 replies

plasticspoon · 04/12/2010 20:04

Does anyone want to share stories and tips about their velcro baby? I am feeling a bit down and it would be nice to know I'm not alone and hear what works for others...

My ds (4.5 weeks) absolutely refuses to be put down. He cluster feeds for hours and hours every day, sleeping in between feeds firmly clamped to my nipple and waking the instant I try to unlatch him. Most of the time he won't tolerate being held by anyone other than me (even his dad!). Seriously, I can't even get him into a sling most of the time - he needs his direct line to the boob! I haven't left the house for nearly a week!

He also has some kind of colicky/wind problem and has several screamy episodes a day and nothing I do seems to soothe :(

We co-sleep (to get any sleep) and I nurse him to sleep so that he falls asleep on his side, waking as soon as I try to roll him over onto his back. Eventually I fall asleep too and often wake up for his next feed with him still on his side. I feel like a rubbish mother as I can't even follow the basic SIDS guidance.

Anyone else? Please?!

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janpa · 04/12/2010 20:24

I was in exactly the same situation for the first 6 months. I know many Mumsnetters will shout me down, but I was lucky enough to come across Alison Scott-Wright at a Baby Fair & she gave me brilliant advice and sorted this out in a very short time. She stayed with us, but she does also do telephone consultations. Not only did she help with the night times and velcro situation, but she made me realise I was actually a good mummy, but just needed someone to listen to me (when I was being honest & not telling everyone everything was fine) and to give me soudn guidance. BTW there is nothing wrong with co-sleeping, as long as you have not been drinking, smoking or taking drugs. If you want to know anything more, let me know.

ebs78 · 04/12/2010 20:59

I have one of those and he is my third! He is 10 weeks old and seems to only like me. It?s really tiring as I have a 14 month old too. If its any consolation it definitely seems to be a personality thing as my first would happily go to anyone and my second is a real Daddy?s boy.
I thought I was getting somewhere with being able to put him down then he caught Bronchiolitis and spent 10 days in hospital (horrible for him.) so while he has been recovering he has had loads of time with me that he might not have otherwise and I fear I will never be able to put him down again.

Rhubarbgarden · 05/12/2010 06:57

Dd was like this, especially the cluster feeding and need to be always on the nipple. In the end I tried Gina Ford in desperation; it worked.

fromheretomaternity · 05/12/2010 07:31

Have you tried swaddling? I swaddle mine at night with the miracle blanket, means he is less aware of being put down and I'm sure he sleeps longer with it.

Dotters · 05/12/2010 12:38

Mine is / was like this!

Now 15 weeks and will be put down for short periods when in a good mood and not hungry under the play gym or looking at / playing with toys.

I now get to have a long shower, eat with my husband, make more complex meals and take my time over things I previously had to rush as DD would be crying for me when I left her.

8 to 10 weeks was a real turning point. Just keep trying to put them down for short times and they will get longer. Cluster feeding will also stop on its own shortly.

When they become more interested in the world around them, they are happier to spend time looking at it away from your arms.

I still hold her a lot more than other friends with babies of the same age, and she will not go to sleep without me in the day, but its progress.

I have not solved the co-sleeping feeding to sleep thing yet though, I also have to do this to get any decent amount of sleep, and DD is also on her side a majority of the time.

I figure they will not be like this forever, and weaning might well help a lot. I am going to keep trying to put her down more and more in the day, and start transferring her to her cot when asleep as of this week too. I wont let her cry it out though, it breaks my heart to here her upset when I know all I have to do is hold her to make her happy.

Lynzjam · 05/12/2010 13:48

Baws to the advice written in books/leaflets etc. I quickly learned that I had to do what was best for me and my DD which didn't follow the rules.

We co slept in the early days and I always had her sleeping on her side next to me. Now she is three months old, I still put her to sleep on her side as she is not keen on sleeping on her back.

DD is now starting to go for longer periods lying in her gym, or sitting in her bouncer. I think when they are that wee they just need lots of love and reassurance which will pay off when they turn into confident, happy individuals! (I hope! :-))

happysunshinedays · 05/12/2010 14:18

Plasticspoon I felt so sad to hear that you feel like a rubbish mum. You're clearly not because you obviously care loads which is why it's all so important to you. Just to let you know my DD1 was a complete nightmare baby. I can honestly say that the first 3 months were harrowing. An awful way to feel about your first baby; but not uncommon.

It did get better and I now have a happy, bright, beautiful, funny, affectionate, secure 4 and a half year old. So I must have done an ok job dispite the trauma!

I also have a very happy and healthy 2yo who I co slept with for most of the first year.

Unless you get it really wrong (ie systematic abbuse!) it will get better, I promise!

Bumpsadaisie · 05/12/2010 14:35

My DD was a velcro baby in the first 2 months or so - wouldn't go in her pram, wouldn't go in her moses, wouldn't lie down flat, had to be in contact with me physically. She spent the first 10 weeks in a sling, upright!

It does get better - by three or four months DD was not different to all the other babies in my NCT class who happily lay and gurgled in their prams from day 1!

She's 18 months now and very independent and expressive.

Original poster

plasticspoon · 05/12/2010 20:11

Thanks everyone for your replies - I know it's normal to be up and down in the early weeks but when you're in a 'down' stage the next 'up' feels impossibly far away! We've had a much better today - a 2 hour snooze in the sling! - so I am feeling brighter.

I think I am comparing with the other babies in our NCT group too much - we all went out recently and I was amazed by how calm and alert/happy to sleep in their prams they all were. I think I'm the only one co-sleeping but I haven't been brave enough to ask yet!

Dotters yy I feel unable and totally unwilling to not listen to his needs and certainly I can't not respond when he cries...which he is doing now...

OP posts:

hels71 · 05/12/2010 20:40

My DD was a velcro baby too...and I used to feel like a rubbish mummy when I saw all the other mummys with their textbook babies. Then I read The Fussy Baby Book by Dr Sears and felt sooooooo much better! We co-slept from birth until 34 months when she happily decided to move to her own room. That is also the point at which she self weaned..she had fed to sleep every night until then. I used a didymos wrap to carry her everywhere, even in the house and she slept on me in the day almost every nap.
When she slept it was always on her side..
She was diagnosed with silent reflux at 4 weeks or so and became a bit calmer when on medication for this.
She was never left with anyone apart from DH(and 2 lots of 2 hours with my sister when she visited) and even objected to DH at first.
She is now 3 and 2 months. Sleeps happily all night in her own room, went to pre school without a single tear or fuss, stays with DH or the odd other family member who visits....and is no longer a velcro child...just a very secure and independent young lady!
They are small and so needy for such a short time...............go with the flow I say!!!

smellsofsick · 04/01/2011 09:12

Plasticspoon I totally relate to what you're going through. When you've had a bit of sleep you feel you can probably get through it but when she's been cluster feeding for hours and you're sitting there with your boobs out like some kind of Jabba the Hut (might just apply to me), it feels bloody impossible. I have a lovely three week old who only sleeps with us and who would rather pull her own ears off than sleep in a Moses basket.

I posted a little while ago asking for help with much the same issue and the overwhelming response was that I needed to let go of my expectations, not rush off trying to do some miracle routine and actually enjoy all the close bonding in this new-born stage because it's so brief. I bet your LO changes even in the next week or two. I'm sorry I don't have any real advice as such but don't panic, take a deep breath and know that you're in good company.

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