ds (age 4) - theres just something not right

[candycanes]

but i cant put my finger on it
i have 2 older childern but he is just somehow different
slow to learn things like numbers and alphabet ,he just wants to play and re acts so badly when he is told off - he rips things up breaks things and keeps saying " you want me to be dead then"
we have never said any such thing to him
he does have some hearing loss so we are wondering if this has anything to with it - i cant see how - my older two were so advanced at 4 and he just cant be bothered
please tell me its notyhing to worry about and all kids are different

well they are!! It could be that his older siblings have done a lot for him as he's grown up, fetched, spoken for him, invented games and therefore he's not had to learn these skills.

Some children are far more reactive to tellings off than others. It may be that he misinterprets things because of his hearing and therefore gets more frustrated for the telling off.

My DS was the same re the playing and now in year 2 had suddenyly decided learning is fun/ worth the effort and gone from middle ability groups to the top in 1/2 a term. Sometimes it is the not worried about it opposed to the can't.

HTH.

Having said that mumbar, and I agree with you BTW, the OP knows her son the best and for you to post a question such as this shows that YOU must be concerned. Could you talk to a Health Visitor, or if your son goes to pre-school a member of staff there? Will probably put your mind at rest.

All children are different
Problems with hearing absolutely can give ruse to behavioural issues, not least through frustration.
You are concerned so investigate.
Go and speak to your gp

we have spoken to a health visitor in the summer she came round a few times and did some simple tests on him to check his attention span - she said there wasnt a problem -he goes to part time school and his teacher has said she doesnt think there is much of a problem - she too is wondering about his hearing - he has a test in january at the hospital after failing 2 previous tests.
he is finding writing his own name very hard and gets the letters upside down back to front and in the wrong order and he only has 3 letters in his name !!!!

OP, sorry of my original post came across wrong - which I fear it did by loves responce .

I was trying (unsucessfully) to reassure you that children are different as you'd said and that it could be the hearing oppossed to something else aswell itswim. FWIW my DS suffers recurrent glue ear/ fluid in his ears which doesn't affect his hearing but does make a difference in noisier environments and you can tell when theres fluid and when there isn't. And yes I have been concerned except now it seems to have clicked for him re learning so I wanted to just let you know it can even its self out.

If your concerend still its worth speaking to HV again and consultant in Jan.

no worries mumbar

Hey, he's only 4

Bear in mind in lots of countries they only start school and learning at 6 or 7. In Scandanavia they start at 7 and have some of the best literacy results in the world.

It may be he really does know what's best for him and that's playing (!). I know this is
a bit controversial when they are trying to "teach" them things at school, but children learn best when they are ready and perhaps this is his way of showing you he is not ready.

Hope you get his hearing sorted as that sounds a possible prob too.

IMO it's the hearing loss. Never underestimate the effect that even mild hearing loss can have on social, emotional and cognitive development.
As he's failed hearing tests and you're waiting for a 3rd they must have ruled out sensorineural (permanent) hearing loss via a bone conduction test and presumably have also done a tympanometry test to find fluid in his ears (glue ear), and therefore are essentially waiting to see if the fluid problem resolves on its own. At least I hope that's the case because that's what should have been done (I'm a regular visitor to audiology as you can tell).