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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Feeling trapped

19 replies

mamjo · 04/12/2010 12:08

My baby suddenly stopped taking a bottle last week (8 weeks old). She is exclusively BF but took 1 expressed bottle everyday from daddy. This allowed him to spend that special bonding time and more importantly meant that he could do one of the night feeds at weekend. As she still feeds every 2 hours this small break saved my sanity. It also meant that I knew in the back of my head that if I needed to I could disappear for a few hours and everyone would be ok. However now she is rejecting the bottle (we have tried all types of bottles and teats) I feel completely trapped. I can see no end to the sleepless nights, can no longer plan a night out with girlfriends, or even look forward to a few glasses of vino over Christmas.
Any advice would be welcome.

Many thanks

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Jaybird37 · 04/12/2010 13:01

Oh Mamjo, how miserable for you.

Can you try slowly extending the time between feeds? 2 hourly is an awful lot.

The thing is that the first milk is quite watery, and fills her up, but not for long. If she drinks for longer she will get proportionally more of the richer hind milk, which will stop her getting hungry so quickly.

Original poster

mamjo · 04/12/2010 15:13

Thanks jaybird. She feeds for about 30 mins each feed already and is putting on about 1lb a week so I don't think the problem is her not getting enough hind milk. She is just a greedy baby. HV said that she may carry on with the 2 hour feeds until 4-5 months.
My other problem is that she has an umbilical hernia so I am not supposed to let her get too distressed (not quite sure how to achieve this with a colicky 9 week old) so can't really let her get starving hungry.

OP posts:

maxybrown · 04/12/2010 20:42

well I am still waiting for my night out lol (he's 3 by the way ) but anyway what about a spoon?

maxybrown · 04/12/2010 20:44

he's not BF now by the way lol

notnowbernard · 04/12/2010 20:45

No advice (I'm feeding a very hungry ebf baby too) but what I will say is go ahead and enjoy a couple of glases of vino over Christmas. It will be fine

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 04/12/2010 20:52

what maxybrown said.

i sympathise with the trapped feeling - ds1 is 2yr - he was a 2 hourly bf baby too til at least 6 month and wouldnt tolerate a bottle or dummy either! its tough but i kept telling myself that the hard times dont last forever and actually feel abit bad for wishing parts of ds early months to hurry up!

also coming on here for moral support really hhelps alot with my sanity!

it gets easier - honest!

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 04/12/2010 20:54

just thought - could your friends come to your or could you meet up in a pub close to home?

maxybrown · 04/12/2010 21:00

yes exactly the same thatwouldbe.

But also part of having a new baby, to me, does mean your life changing - I am not saying you have to chain yourself to the house - but I think you are possibly feeling so bad about it all from lack of sleep - from which I DO sympathise. My bags are only just starting to fade a little now

Original poster

mamjo · 05/12/2010 01:22

Thanks ladies. I probably wouldn't have had the night out anyway but knowing that I can't is messing with my head.

OP posts:

maxybrown · 05/12/2010 08:48

I think it's jsut everything getting on top - lack of sleeo is a killer and we see all sorts of things differently. I do remember thinking I was going to die at one point, just found in a zombified state.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 05/12/2010 23:03

No worries mamjo - am going to be unpopular and sound like David Cameron but 'we're all in this together' - ewww it even felt creepy typing that!

I remember on the drive home from the hospital after giving birth looking sadly out the window at people at a bus stop and thinking 'lucky people they can get a bus whenever they want and not have to cart a baby with them'?!? If only I could go back in time and give myself a slap!

abenstille · 06/12/2010 15:19

My 14 month old was breastfed and had a bottle of expressed milk once each day from a dr browns bottle. She went off a bottle teat for a least 3 episodes lasting probably just over a week each time. She always went back to it though. I never offered any new type of teat, just perseverence. Just keep offering it and suddenly shell take it again. Try to offer it when shes hungry but not having a melt down cos shes starving. good luck

RunningGuerita · 06/12/2010 17:12

For what it's worth I have had the same experience as abdenstile. My 10 week old first took easily to the bottle of breast milk, then we had three meltdowns when we tried to give her the bottle. We perservered, tried different times of day and warmed it up (making sure it is very warm makes a big difference). Eventually she relented.

She doesn't drink as much as I would like when she is bottle fed (only 2 or 3 oz) but at least it's enough to keep the wolf from the door and like your DC, my baby is gaining weight really well so not an issue if two feeds a week are on the light side.

We give her two bottles a week to make sure she keeps taking them so that when I need to go out (like my dentist apmt last week) I can go. We also use Dr Browns.

I've been told it isn't a good idea to keep changing bottles and teats as it confuses them and best to persevere with what you have.

I also completely understand your not wanting to be trapped. I met up for dinner with my girlfriends and it was wonderful to feel like I could. I agree you have to accept your life changes with a baby, but you also have to stay sane and do what works for you. Also you are more likely to stick with breastfeeding if you feel like you can get a break every now and then.

Good luck!

otchayaniye · 06/12/2010 17:50

You have my sympathies, I demand fed my daughter until 22 months -- I still breastfeed her once or twice a day and plan on continuing that as it's easy now.

But yes, I found feeding-to-sleep a reluctant sleeper round the clock for almost 2 years incredibly hard sometimes. I live in a building that has a large communal roof terrace and the summer was a nightmare. Me lying sideways on the bed (we co-sleep) feeding for what seemed fucking hours, while I could hear my neighbours having parties.

I had a few nights off when she was under 6 months as I lived in Singapore and had a housekeeper and we were in the city centre if she kicked. But we moved and don't have her.

Oh, you can certainly have a few drinks. I drank regularly but watched what I drank before I started weaning at 7 months, when she was a year old I drank what I liked (but didn't get shitfaced)

I did once get a bit of success with a NUK rubber teat and bottle.

otchayaniye · 06/12/2010 17:54

"I do remember thinking I was going to die at one point"

I am very good on little sleep. Before I had my child I regularly got only 5 hours in the week and started work at 5.45am.

But there was a stretch where i had so little sleep -- basically so wired and paranoid she was going to fucking wake the fuck up after 20 minutes that I didn't sleep once for three days. I looked shit, I fought with my kind tolerant husband and felt very, very, very low. And missed Singapore with our housekeeper like crazy.

Ooh, I shudder thinking about it. But still, I want another one!

maxybrown · 06/12/2010 19:49

otch - oh god me too! I also don't need much sleep, but it did rather take the biscuit!

SkyBluePearl · 06/12/2010 23:42

Mine wouldn't take bottles but when we started weaning we gave odd yogurts to buy me some time off.. seemd to stand in instead of a feed quite well.

Original poster

mamjo · 07/12/2010 14:56

Thanks for all the advice ladies, I am persisting (no luck yet though). I have just seen the HV who said that it's common and to just keep offering it, which of course I will do (hate having to throw out my milk though. Grrrr)

I have booked myself a facial for Friday afternoon. Will only be our of the house for 90 mins so will be able to do the feeds but at least it is something totally for me.

OP posts:

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 07/12/2010 16:52

oooh enjoy your facial mamjo - definitely need some 'time out' when you can get it! Good luck with the bottles - looking at previous comments I think my problem with DS1 was I probably didn't persevere long enough with the same bottle.

Ta Skyblue - will definitely try the yoghurt thing with DS2 when he's old enough!

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