What to do when you have tried EVERYTHING and after 2 years your child still wont eat

[tryingtobemarypoppins2]

DS is now 3 and for 2 years has had a VERY limited diet. We have been very relaxed (but worried) over meal times, said nothing, ignored, said no pudding, we really have tried everything.

Breakfast is fine. Wetabix and toast, fruit pouch.

Lunch he will eat 1/2 a sandwich but only cheese/marmight/hummous. Won't eat fruit unless its a pouch. Will eat cake/crisps. Anything else is a total refusal.

Dinner: Will only eat: Sausages/beans/spegetti hoops. That's it. Anything else is total refusal.

The problem is he is happy to miss pudding/sit and wait for his brother. Doesn't ask for food later. He looks pale and is under 2 stone.

I am really worried that this will impact on his brother (9months) who eats like a horse!

After 2 years of this I ahve had enough. But what can I do!??

Gosh! I clicked into this coz i have a picky 2.5 year old and was interested in seeing someone worse than her, but your DS sounds just like her. Every so often she gets slightly better, then worse again. The only thing that saves my sanity (as i am sure you know) is not to care. She is skinny but fine and doesn't seem that interested in food.

So in summary, I have no useful advise, but will watch this with interest.

The thing is I cook varied meals for DS2 sake but DS1 just looks at it and the bin.....after 2 years of this I just want to scream!

Some children are just really picky...you are doing the right thing by not saying anything. I would just keep trying new things but not too much and always with something else that you know he will eat. Nothing wrong with only fruit pouch-at least it's fruit. You could try smoothies too.

What about making it fun, letting him help peparing food, cooking etc. Mine always want to start eating the veg they are chopping and like to eat what they have made. Make your own pizzas etc...

I also wouldn't worry about the weight. My dd1 is 4.5 and is not 2 stone yet.

He likes cooking just doesn't eat any of it! The thing about giving him new things alongside things he will eat is that as his dinner foods are so limited its hard to put a meal together like that. It tends to end up being either something he will eat or something he won't.

Thanks for your advice though thatsnotmymonster

yeah my DS is the same - he does drink milk though. I'm not worried at all to be honest - it just drives me potty as I never believed in fussy eaters before DS but I never say anything anyway. The doc said he'll be a slim lad, he's thriving so that's that!

He loves to cook too, we also grew our own veggies this year - nope, loved to pick them, eat them, no! He hasn't eaten veg for about 18 months 2 years maybe? I used to be able to hide certain things but no chance now. He also has got worse recently and stopped eating things he has always liked. He hardly ever eats breakfast now, no matter what is on offer!

Today he has eaten - couple of hotdog sausges (crap I know) a scrambled egg and 2 pieces of scampi and had 2 cups of milk. Oh I lie he had a yogurt too - he ate that over the course of 2 hours In the past I stopped giving him milk, made no difference! He does love fish though so that's good, but now he won't eat bread hardly, no potatoes at all now, no pasta no rice, stopped eating cous cous - he just never seems bothered! Doesn't like biscuits or cake anyway, but he is a picture of heath! Jammy thing..........

If he is hungry he will eat, yes?

Make a tasty, balanced meal and put it in front of him. Don't make an issue of it but don't offer an alternative.

Ensure that you offer a variety of well balanced meals.

Don't offer snacks other than you would consider healthy - ie a piece of fruit, a yogurt or a slice of bread and jam/cheese or such like.

Make it clear that this is all that is on offer. A child will not starve themselves, you just have to be confident and consistant in your decisions and not give in.

IMO

I now have a DS who will try most things and enjoys just about all foods.

The odd thing that he tries and says he doesn't like, liver, blue cheese and christmas cake for example, I don't serve again.

It could however have backfired on me as he likes rare steak, lobster, crab and fois gras.

Not a cheap date.

Trop I have done that yes. My DS does hardly ever ever ask for food, the doc says they don't need much food at all.

You do make it sound like we are all weaklings giving in to everything. I never ever offer anything else and he never ever asks for anything either.

But on a seperate point, my DS cannot talk, he has severe speech problems, though very very with it. He often does not know how to move his mouth or where to put his tongue in order to speak - and I also think he has some sensory issues with his mouth. For example, he occasionally will eat custard, he occasionally will eat a banana - but if I serve bananas and custard, he does not know what to do with what is in his mouth, he cannot bear it - it is most strange to see - it is like he has been given poison. He never had any feeding issues and ate everything that was offered as a baby, he ate broccolli like it was a lollipop. Apart from carrot, he could spot something with carrot in at twenty paces - and yes, I always persisted - even now

He also, I might add, will try most things.

I come from, as does DH, a family that says - this is it, eat it or don't. Like I said, I never believed in fussy eaters - both DH and I eat everything. He often helps to cook and we always sit at the table togther as a family to eat. He can use a knife and fork - not overly competantly yet - but certainly has a really good go and has excellent table manners. He doesn't care for chocolate, cake, biscuits etc and it's nothing with gusto - apart form fish, fish he absolutely loves.

I meant eats nothing with gusto, not it's

I would mostly say, don't worry, I used to be mega-fussy as a kid and have gradually sorted myself out, some things i've only started eating past 30yrs old when i've made it for my DC

Also he's eating a good breakfast so that sets him up for the day :)

My DS1 (4) is very similar, new refusal is anything with mince

We do have a rule that one mouthful of everything on the plate must be eaten, although once i know that he really doesn't like something i won't put it on his plate, as i don't put something i really don't like on mine. Eg he will eat broccoli so he gets extra of that but i don't force him to eat cauliflower anymore.

And Ds2 (2) is totally unfazed by what DS1 eats or doesn't eat so as long as your DS1 isn't throwing a screaming wobbly at mealtimes i don't think you need to worry about that :)

Oh and i'v emostly given up on cooking something complicated as i hate that feeling of it being rejected so we have set meals pretty much now; fish fingers (with new waffles tat have carrot in too), quick cook pasta with sauce & veg mixed in, tinned pasta on toast, sausages & mash, and we stick to a roast most Sundays which he doesn't really like but tolerates.

Mine was terrible for eating age 2-3. It probably goes against convention but... I offered plain meals and if refused I left small snacks around the living room - just fruit, vegetables, crackers but I guess that's difficult if you have another dc. She did used to eat yoghurt, so i let her have healthy yoghurts on demand.

I was so stressed in the end that when she went to pre-school I booked her in for lunch club every day.

Funnily enough with peer pressure, she ate her packed lunch no problem. She would only eat ham or marmite sandwiches, but at least she was getting something.

She would also try new things with her childminder. Sometimes other people are good for getting them to try new things.

I think my focus at the really bad time was just getting calories into her. But healthy ones.

My suggestion would be don't make a huge effort for dinner - make something simple. We used to have (and still do sometimes, pasta with grated cheese and a chopped tomato, or a fish finger, a few peas and some plain rice.

In our case it did somehow get better. She now eats virtually anything. I think most of them get to a point where they realise they're missing out.

Try not to worry - they do seem to survive on very little food - well mine did anyway.

...but OP your child will eat and does eat, unless your child is losing weight or is becoming ill as a result of what he is eating I really wouldn't stress and this comes from a lot of personal experience. It sounds like it is bothering you more than the child. Please don't stress about it, although limited the diet is sustaining your child and that is all that is important.

Sorry to be brutally honest but worrying about it is stress you can do without. I've stopped worrying about my daughter and as long as she eats something and is not losing weight or ill I am happy. There are far greater things to worry about.

ladyintheradiator - I have started to notice a lot of possible sensory issues. Am going to mention it to the paed when we go back in Jan as I stupidly forgot that one when we were there before. Having his teeth cleaned - well we may as well be pulling them out, he doesn't have a paddy - he is DISTRAUGHT. He also NEVER put things in his mouth as a baby.

I know you could say oh he just doesn't like bananas and custard togther - but it's not that, you should see how he reacts! And I certainly through every combination of everything at him as a baby, every meal under the sun.

sorry Threw - sp terrible today

Just out of interest justkeepsparkling what happens if your dc doesn't eat the one mouthful of everything on the plate? i don't want to punish not eating and witholding pudding doesn't seem to bother my boys...

Both mine were great eaters as babies and then between the ages of 1 and 4.5 seemingly lived on fresh air, weetabix and mashed banana.

I tore my hair out with frustration cooking healthy meal after healthy meal that was rejected.

Hold your nerve, it will get better. I don't remember when it started but bit by bit they started eating more and now at 12 and 6 eat really well.

One thing that was suggested to me (and its a bit of pain in the washing up dept) was to dish things up in individual bowls and let them help themselves to what they wanted. This gave them control - but if they chose nothing then there was nothing offered til the next meal time - was very hard to stick to though.

"If he is hungry he will eat, yes?"
At that age DD wouldn't eat, even if she was hungry, if it was something she didn't like.

"Don't make an issue of it but don't offer an alternative."
My daughter is seriously underweight. Making her miss a meal was and is not an option.

"A child will not starve themselves"
Hmm. DD can be very stubborn over this.

Until I had DD I used to think that picky eaters were overindulged. I think, unless you are faced with a very picky eater, you don't really understand what is involved.

My other problem is that DD (now 10) is very easily distracted and put off her food. She is starving after school because she eats very little at lunchtime. The reasons: she doesn't get enough time to eat it, there isn't anything left of the foods she does like, someone has coughed or blown their nose and it has put her off eating etc, etc. She likes eating packed lunches even less (I often used to find most of her lunch uneaten, even when the food was what she had asked for).

She is slowly getting better and I encourage an interest in food and she often watches cookery programmes with me. I also get her involved in menu planning, so we are getting there. I do have every sympathy for parents of picky eatres though.

didldidi - well mostly DS1 is fairly amenable so will have the one mouthful of each thing.

we do have a series of steps though:

On occasions of total refusal (ie last time we tried lasagne).
He has a good behaviour chart and gets ticks for various things throughout the day. Or crosses. Any cross on a day loses the star sticker at the end. End of the week he gets 'a penny' for every star and saves up for a toy (his choice, sometimes big like £40 Buzz, or little like something off eBay & pays us).

So total refusal would get a cross for that day's teatime.

Sometimes that's enough for him to do it. Lasagne he still wouldn't give in.

So then i move to feeding him a mouthful (a small one and i'm not talking torture or pinning him down or anything), if he still won't take it i'm afraid he ends up on the naughty step.

And definitely no pudding. Sometimes he might get bread & butter if i'm feeling soft/desperate to get something in him.

I'm always amazed at how long he can go without though, tea at 5pm, breakfast not until 7ish-am. He is determined about certain foods now and tbh once i know there is a particular thing he just will NOT eat, i won't give it to him, i don't see that it's worth the battle.

Plus i generally don't put much on his plate, he can always have more, DH often forgets and piles it on, DS1 then gets totally intimidated and won't eat. I go and take most of the food off and he's fine again.

DS2 has SN and will not eat anything he hasn't eaten before. helpful. we are working on imitation and the mmmmm sound, so we eat a mouthful and make a big deal of how mmmmm it is, he'll often try a little bit now, but it's slow going.

sorry long waffly answer!

Sorry Maxybrown, didn't mean to imply that.

I'm probably still harbouring bad feeling towards a child I took on holiday this summer who refused to eat just about everything offered even when we tried her with it first.

She hid food, stole food and threw it away. Complete control freak.
I told her parents she was heading for health issues. I'm also cross they didn't warn me how bad it was when I invited her.

It totally ruined our holiday as we couldn't go out to restaurants or to eat with friends without planning what she was going to do first.

Anyway, it sounds like you will get there with yours. Good luck.

Dd1 was like this up until she was about 5. She is still very particular about food and very slow at eating and thinks nothing of skipping meals, even if she is hungry.

I'm having an issue with the school atm as they keep asking her does she want to swap her 'unhealthy' packed lunch for some fruit snacks.

Now the reason she has 'unhealthy' packed lunches is (as the school know fine well) that she prefers to play than eat and being hungry does not bother her. Unless the food is something quick and easy to eat - that she really likes, then she is not fussed about eating it. She will pick at her sandwhich and drink her drink whilst waiting for her friends and then spend the rest of the day hungry.

At main meals she is million times better and is now managing to maintain a normal weight and eat a good variety of foods.

I delt with her by giving what she wanted for breakfast and lunch and every other main meal, but for the other main meals she had to have what the family were having and she had to try at least one spoonfull before she was allowed to leave the table. Very, very slowly the list of foods she will eat increased.

I also got very good at 'hiding' things in her food. With dd1 protien and calories were more of an issue than veges, so I would mix cheese or full fat cream into saaces, serve veg with butter etc. But I blended up fruits and veg too and hid them in sauces to give variety.

But I know how fustrating it is. Dd1 has a v small appetite and the slightest thing can cause her to loose her appetite for weeks at a time. She would survive on just one or tow bites of fruit a day for these weeks. I remember being in Tesco with her at 10pm one night with my mum, my sister and myself all promising to buy her whatever food she wanted, anything at all, if only she would eat. But she only wanted a packet of raisins because she wasn't hungry. She turned down cream cakes, chocolate bars, curly fries, maccyd's, crisps, biscuits in favour of a small packet of raisins. So I know how worrying you find it.

Luckily dd1 has not had one of these episodes for almost 2 years now. So chances are your children will grow out it, to some degree anyway, as they get older.

Another one here- all 3 of my dc have been great eaters as babies, then started getting picky at about 12-18 months, and food has been an ongoing battle with them ever since!

I have no magic answers, but I just keep serving up a wide variety of foods and hoping against hope they eat something. They are now 3, 5 and 6, and definitely getting better (thank God!), although I yearn to have those kind of children who will try and eat everything with gusto!

I've done all the things suggested- they get involved in cooking, we ignore left food and praise any attempt to try new things.

Yours are a bit young for this, but I have recently introduced the "dinner winner" It's an award for the one who eats the most/ tries the most/ moans the least! It has proved very effective, with them wolfing down their dinners (even the veg, as clearest plate always wins over speed!) in order to be sung the special dinner-winner song and wear the dinner-winner badge I know it is sad, but I was desperate!

I do agree with the serving things up separately and rewarding trying things. It's tough and very annoying, you have my sympathy.

I have a colleague who is the same - 31 years old and eats a very restricted diet. In some ways, I guess that's not good news, but I can say she is healthy and holding down a good job, so now she has to make her own food it's her problem most of the time. Only if we go out to eat it can be difficult for her to find something she's prepared to eat. She finds it embarrassing herself. I don't understand it being a very greedy omnivore, but you have to respect that's just the way she is.

Sticky - i was similar re going out for quite a while. Only tried a (Korma) curry when 21 as friends arranged a night out to the only curry house in Britain that doesn't serve chips!! I actually liked it and have tried all sorts of curry since.

Similar to dinner winner - we have a 'zero hero' plate for DS1. He doesn't get anything, other than praise for it but he loves being a 'zero-hero'. Obv this only works if you don't give them too much in the first place, not wanting to force kids to eat too much just to have an empty plate.

my ds2 was a fusspot. Strategies that worked for us....

Add only one new element onto the plate. So a couple of cooked carrot sticks, or two or three chips on his plate of sausages and beans.

Just keep doing it, with no expectation of him eating the carrot/chips

Using chips as an example...After several days of the chips being on the plate, make sure you also have chips on your plate and model eating them with enjoyment. Dip them in ketchup or bean juice, and make lots of "Yuuuummmmmmm" noises. But still, no expectation of chip eating from your ds, and no comments or cajolling. The idea is to get them used to the idea of chips as food, and to not get any attention from not eating them.

Next, rope in DH and start a chip race...."who can be the winner eating their chip?" ie a game with the chips(carrots/peas/brocolli etc). Much hilarity should ensure with allegations of cheating, false starts etc. The idea is to put in his mind an association of chips and fun - not pressure to eat. When he joins in, dont make a big deal of the chip eating, make a big deal of the joining in. He will be getting positive attention from "cheating" or beating daddy in the chip race.

You can also play "biggest chip in the world" and make sure he has the biggest chip on his plate for all to admire; "smallest chip in the world" is also popular as you can nibble a chip down to miniscule size.

Favourite teddies in our house have been known to steal chips that wee boys do not want. But they are not very good at sneaking up to the plate. So as teddy sneaks up, dad could be squarking "quick, bear is after your chips!"

Naturally, table manners are not a big priority at this point.

Id also make sure that you have family meals whenever possible, sat at the table, where his not eating is not even commented upon. Get on with family chatting about whatever else, so food becomes family ritual, not a big hoo harr about the right and wrong things to eat -more social IYSWIM.

My son is still fussy, but he has a wide and varied diet and now will accept that he has to eat his veg or finish 3 more mouthfuls of pasta.

DD is the same. She's 18 months and after a normal breakfast will only eat cottage pie (2 tsps) or chicken pie (2 tsps) or fish pie (tsps) and only Marmite on toast for tea. She would eat cake and chocolate until it came out of her ears....

She was EBF for 14 months, weaned at 6 months and had a really varied diet. Everything fine and dandy 'til about 14 months....

She also HATES milk. She will have a very weak hot choc (only 1/2 teaspoon powder, enough to take the edge off the taste)

How she's survived the last 4 months on pretty much nothing, I've no idea....

You have my sympathy. DS has severe fish allergy but, apart from that, will pretty much inhale anything.

Will watch this thread with interest.