Hi,
DS is really, really good but there are a couple of things which I've been trying my hardest to get him to change without any success. Actually, there are three things with two relating to 'toilet habits':
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Bedroom / clothes always in a complete and utter mess, the habit of simply dumping whatever it is on the floor (hangers, games, pens, lovingly ironed clothes... you name it!). I might as well not bother with furniture!!! He's spent hours organising it, I've punished, I've threatened not to do it again, I've even thrown some things away hoping that it'd be the 'wake up call' that he needed. Nope. He doesn't seem to care and it's too lazy to actually put things in the right place
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Toilet: my DS has a very disgusting habit of leaving 'pooh' all over the toilet bowl and on the edges too. What infuriates me the most (apart from the obvious fact that a lot of times the toilet stays clean for less than 24hrs after I've scrubbed it), is that he seems to have no consideration for the person using it after him (me!!!)
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Toilet paper: DS goes through tons (I mean it) of toilet paper to the extent that he could easily go through 1/2 a roll at a time. Again, no amount of shouting, telling off or even making him unblock the toilet (pretty gross) has encouraged him to change. I am NOT wipping his bum for him but cannot see what is going to motivate him to change
What happens at the moment is that these things are a cause of great stress. Here you may think that perhaps I've got too much time in my hands and that he could be doing drugs at the age of 11, etc... However, I'm a lone parent without any help around and it's got to a point that I no longer care about the impact that it'll have on him when he gets a nasty comment from a girlfriend or one of this mates or when he blokes at toilet at somebody else's house. Maybe it's what he needs. However, I do have a problem with the fact that right now, it's me living with it and it's me dealing with the consequences. Quite simply, it's me washing & ironing his clothes only to then find them bundled up on the floor, under his bed. It's me buying rolls and rolls of toilet paper (no, getting him to buy it with his pocket money hasn't worked either) and it will be me having to deal (and pay) with the problem when the pipes get seriously blocked and I have to call somebody in to sort it out. It's just not fair. I work full-time, I keep our house clean and tidy and I try my very hardest to be a good mum. I am not asking him to be perfect for goodness sake!
Sorry, I just really need to vent my frustrations!!! The message is just not getting through. No talking, no shouting, no punishing has had the desired effect so far. So this morning, my week started off with me shedding tears of frustration on my way to work because I don't know what else to do. I see it as a cycle and we just keep going around and around without ever making any progress - how sad is that?
I did a lot of research online a while ago as I noticed that DS didn't seem to be taking anything I said in. I did read something about 'resisting' but I just can't live with this. Just as I cannot bring myself to send him out with his clothes dirty or un-ironed. It's not for him anymore but my own sense of pride and 'job well done'. I can see that, for some very strange reason, he doesn't care. And on that note, I don't understand that either. Money is exceedingly tight and he knows I make sacrifices in order to him to do certain things. And still, not even that is enough encouragement to make him want to look after his things a bit better. It could be something as simple as colouring pencils: a while ago, I got so fed up going to use them only to find out that he had broken them all by dropping them on the floor (constantly!) that I threw them all away. Then a week ago, I needed them and so did he for homework so I bought a new pack. It took less than 5 minutes for me to hear the noise of them landing on the floor, one by one. No, it's not a huge expense but I had to make a special trip to the craft shop on my way home from work, I paid for them and ultimately I can't see how an 11 year old (who has been told time and time again what happens when you drop pencils on the floor) can be so incapable of being careful!
Maybe I am just totally losing the plot?!?!
Maybe I am just totally losing the plot?!?!