DS Age 3 - Inappropriate behaviour. Please help

[Mummydayandnightcare]

Help!

Was called in to nursery to see manager about 6 weeks ago as DS had been caught 4 times in space of a few weeks in toilets looking at/touching another boys willy.

They weren't overly concerned but wanted to bring it to our attention and to see if we could deal with it in some way. Well we spoke to him about it indirectly by saying when you go to the toilet it is private and you shouldn't go with other children, and that it isn't nice to touch each other on private parts etc and there also might be germs. Didnt want to put the fear of god in to him and additionally, I just thought he had discovered his bits and was just being a boy iykwim.

Anyway, it stopped instantly, until yesterday. When he was caught in toilets again with another boy comparing bits.

Nursery informed me and whilst they were very professional they have made me feel like he is a sex pest and I am so upset about it all and starting to wonder if there genuinely is a problem. But he's only 3! I genuinely thought he was just curious etc. Am I being naive?

To be honest it sounds innocent to me....my ds is almost 6 and still willy mad, for want of a better phrase. Not so much the curiosity, but its all hilarious and if his little sister even points at his willy in the bath, he is in fits of hysterics.

IMO its all perfectly normal, I know there was some comparing of willies going on in my sons reception class last year....keep explaining to him that its best not to keep displaying it to the other kids in the loos, but don't make a big deal. Its a phase. He is defo not a sex pest. Explain to nursery that you've had a chat with your ds, and its up to them to deal with it in nursery too...don't let them put all the onus on you.

Bumping for more thought please x

He's only 3! I think completely normal and nothing to worry about. My DS is only 2.5 and not quite at this stage yet but remember my younger brother talked about nothing but willies for what seemed like YEARS (!) and he grew up (relatively) normal. Really, please don't worry. I think it's pretty poor of the nursery to make a big deal out of it, to be honest. Much better to just ignore it.

Am sure it is just natural curiosity. Surprised that the nursery were relaxed first time and are now making you feel bad. I'd just say what you said the first time to your ds without making it into a big deal. It's all very innocent 'cos they have no idea (or shouldn't have) that it has any sexual connection, just a part of the body. It's only adults who look at it in a 'pervy' way who impose that way of thinking onto it.

The other day my ds1 (just 5) and his friend (also reception age) were walking home, and the friend was shouting, "Your venus is on fire". Had to LOL!!!

PS
Also, it isn't inappropriate. I think it's pretty appropriate to be quite interested in a part of your body that's most likely been hidden by a nappy and inaccessible for about three quarters of your life so far!!

They are overreacting imo. Men do this all the time when going for a wee in public toilets, its a rite of passage . I think that the nursery should be able to deal with it appropriately.

Starting to feel better now, you're all saying what I was thinking but had started to doubt myself.

Thank you

i think if it was my ds (3 also) i'd be honest with him - probably along the lines of i know you're just looking at each other and curious and you don't mean anything bad but the nursery teachers don't like it and are telling mummy so no more please.

if you don't think he's got a problem then that's the truth isn't it? he's not doing anything wrong but he's doing something that his teachers don't like in their environment so he has to follow their rules when there iyswim.

it's a lesson in behaving the way you're expected to at nursery/school/work etc rather than an issue with him imo.

good luck!

sounds v normal. my two obsessed with their willies, and think older one has peeing competitions at school - its the same thing basically, but there's just less supervision than at nursery. i try not to ask too much about it...