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Behaviour/development

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Is there something wrong with my 2-year-old? Really extreme behaviour

25 replies

upsoearly · 24/11/2010 16:40

My 2.4 year old DD has just thrown the biggest tantrum I have ever witnessed, and I am slightly in shock. She woke after a long nap (quite unusual these days) with a really dirty nappy. When I tried to change it she started screaming in my face, trying to hit me, trying to scratch her own legs and arms. She would nnot be distracted, whatever I tried. Normally I would have eventually tried leaving her to calm down for a few minutes, but this nappy was leaking everywhere and I was also concerned she must be very uncomfortable.

I ended up having to pull the nappy off and sticking her in the bath against her will, with her screaming and kicking the whole time. She then refused to let me dry or dress her, until I eventually said she could watch TV and have a snack, at which point she began to calm down. I know that offering something that should be a treat is absolutely the wrong thing to do, but I was desperate by this point.

SHe is now calm thanks to CBeebies and some raisins, but I am seriously worried that there might be something wrong with her - e.g. ADHD??! I know some of you will be laughing at me as of course toddlers can have bad tantrums, but this went on for about 40 minutes in total and she honestly looked quite manic while she was screaming and I just couldn't find any wya of calming her down.

What do you think? Normal or not? What would you have done to handle the situation better?

Background info - I recently had another DD, now aged 9 weeks, and that has definitely caused DD1's behaviour to deteriorate, but we are donkig ou very best to ensure she gets lots of attention and feels involved, and I thought things were improving... until today.

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Roo83 · 24/11/2010 17:03

I would say it's pretty normal.
My ds doesn't usually have naps now,but if he does when he first wakes up I just sit and cuddle him while we watch a programme or read a book. Obv.you had to change her nappy,but on the odd occasions I've had to wake ds and make him do something straight away he's had a bit of a melt down. If her behaviour is usually ok (as far as a 2yr olds can be) I really wouldn't worry. Sounds like a combination of everything causing her to throw a wobbler

moomaa · 24/11/2010 17:07

I'd say it's normal too. My DD (2.5) can be horrible sometimes. She had a 40 minute tantrum this week because I wouldn't kiss her bottom (once I'd asaid no I didn't want to change my mind).

As for what I'd do differently, I would have changed the nappy, I wouldn't have used the bath as I'd be worried about drowning(!) but I would have held her down and cleaned her bottom and then left her to calm down with a drink and snack nearby, she could have had low blood sugar after a long nap.

MrsJohnDeere · 24/11/2010 17:13

Very normal 2yo behaviour IMHO. We have episodes like this several times each day.

Poppyella · 24/11/2010 19:17

My ds once had a tantrum for 1.5 hours because I wouldn't let him stay in the car with the doors shut in the midday heat in the middle of the summer!

One and a half hours!!! Horrendous, normal, annoying and worrying at the time .

There's no logic behind toddlers!!!!

HumphreyCobbler · 24/11/2010 19:21

I stopped DS from having a nap at around this age as I simply could not cope with the inevitable tantrum when he woke up.

It is really shocking the first time they do it. DD only had three tantrums like this, sadly DS had a fair few....

WowOoo · 24/11/2010 19:24

Normal. My 18 month has started having major meltdowns f he doesn't get his own way. Shocked me first time too.

Have done a similar bath thing. Maybe she was so comfy and tired etc that you were not welcome to interfere. But- you did what was best at time and you are the parent.

My 4 yr old is screaming about shampoo this very minute to dh. Argh....

Onlyaphase · 24/11/2010 19:26

Seems within the bounds of normal 2 yr old behaviour to me too.

The only thing I'd add is that I wouldn't be surprised if your DD came down with a cold or something in the next couple of days.

When my DD behaved like this, chances are she'd be incubating something nasty at the time.

MarniesMummy · 24/11/2010 19:32

Normal.

All bets are off with two year olds.

My DD (3 last week but it appears that no-one has told her) had a 30 min tantrum outside the school gate in the pouring rain, and indeed spent a fair bit of that time sitting on the tarmac of the school pathway whilst other parents at the school looked at me with faces that said that Social Services couldn't be far behind!!!

This week she's a lot better, (I hope someone has told her she's three now!) I love her dearly but she's a raving two year old!

NonnoMum · 24/11/2010 19:39

My 2.5 year old is a loon when it comes to dressing her at the moment.
She just won't wear anything other than shorts and a t-shirt. I have tried to hold her down (a bit like your bathtime thing) but she would end up hurting me or her.
Think it is 2 year old behaviour.

And she was the sweetest baby ever!

Ah, we'll see what happens when the snow comes...

Clare123 · 24/11/2010 19:42

Unfortunately common in some toddlers! I think I posted a similar post a year ago. My DS is now 3.3 yrs and I can't remember the last tantrum he had. He is now a fairly reasonable little soul. My point is it's a phrase and she will grow out of it.

Tgger · 24/11/2010 19:47

Normal... sorry, you've probalby got a lot more to come... and just as she's becoming sensible your little one will start (that's what's happening here!)

Firawla · 24/11/2010 20:16

agree with the comment that she may be going to come down with a cold or bug, it makes them worse
also maybe the snack helped cos low blood sugar if hungry can make them worse too?
but it doesnt sound particularly out of the normal, as you said its a one off not that she behaves this way all the time

MadameSin · 24/11/2010 20:25

I don't think a one off megga tantrum would equate to ADHD. Sounds to me liek she may be unwell or sickening sor something (as my mum used to say). She may also have been confused or coming out of an unpleasant dream when she woke up ..... usual 2yo suff to me

MadameSin · 24/11/2010 20:25

'stuff' even ..... Blush

toddlerama · 24/11/2010 20:36

My DD1(3) started this in earnest at 2 and we had a day of it today with DD2(2) and DD1 behaving like feral animals. It is almost worse because it is so unexpected and not 'normal' behaviour for her. However, they now both have temperatures and runny noses. As soon as I see a tantrum brewing now, I know there is a bug coming. And they set each other off too. Generally really good girls, but today DD1 had a tantrum over wanting to wear her shoes on the wrong feet and DD2 got into a fight with a ribbon. Literally rolling on the floor biting it and trying to tear it. A ribbon. This too shall pass...

nannyl · 24/11/2010 21:10

another vote for normal

Bonniebabyajs · 24/11/2010 21:17

My dd was tantrum queen, 40mins was fairly common at 20-36mths. Once she turned 4ish tho she got much better and now at big school she is mostly a good girl. We have occasional meltdowns but not really tantrums. My 35mth old started having tantrums about 2 months ago. I thought we had avoided them. But no! He is a troublesome 3 rather than a terrible 2. Lol.
I'm sure baby 2 has also helped with this situation some kids seem to take baby well for a while then they realise baby is not going anywhere after all and plus baby is prob awake more now and taking more of yr time and cuddles?? Good luck. It will pass. Best tactic I've found is ignore.

upsoearly · 24/11/2010 22:09

Thanks all for your input. I don't know whether or not to be relieved that you think it's normal. We'll see how things go...

OP posts:
upsoearly · 24/11/2010 22:10

Sorry to be so brief. DD2 screaming. But really do appreciate your comments!

OP posts:
AnnieLobeseder · 24/11/2010 22:12

I'd say you're lucky you've made it this far without a major meltdown like that! It's awful, and you feel so powerless. But they all seem to come out the other side OK eventually!

everybodysgotone · 24/11/2010 22:16

That why they call it the terrible twos Grin

DD had loads of tantrums like this. LOADS She is spectacularly strong willed. She was worse when hungry, tired or just after she'd woken up.

You might be interested to know she hardly ever does it any more now she's 3 :)

myredcardigan · 24/11/2010 22:19

Be grateful you haven't had any that last 2hours yet!

DD1 once pulled out big clumps of her own hair because she was so angry. Shock She was definitely at her worst just after DD2 was born. DS was fairly similar for a while after DD1 was born too.

All three of mine had major meltdowns at that age but DD1 was by far the worst! It's all coming back to me now and I'm remembering once when she was so cross she bit a chunk out of her bedroom door! She would scream, kick and bite and was always terrible when she first woke from a nap.

She is now a bright, articulate, happy and relatively calm almost 5yr old. Smile

winnybella · 24/11/2010 22:24

Ah, the after-nap-tantrums. DD has them once a week, on average. Screams, refuses a snack or a cuddle or a toy...

Normal.

LynetteScavo · 24/11/2010 22:31

Normal.

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. In fact a drawer full of the bloody T-shirts.

MarniesMummy · 25/11/2010 11:49

I know that offering something that should be a treat is absolutely the wrong thing to do, but I was desperate by this point.

Just wanted to revisit to say that I disagree with you on that point. In my experience with my 3DC's there always is a point in a tantrum where the 2 year old will present you with an opportunity to offer the olive branch end the tantrum and it's a braver mummy than I who chooses to ignore it.

It's exhausting for us and them when they are tantruming and although we're all slightly jokey about this, they are actually learning something about how to deal with the world/life (I don't know what but I promise you they are) and lesson over, they just need to know that they are loved, so I always take the opportunity and offer a snack, a cuddle, a toy, a distraction, whatever it is they are letting you offer them and am happy about the tantrum end.

You did exactly the right thing IMO!

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