Teaching them how to stop??

[InkyStamp]

My DS is struggling with stopping at the appropriate moments. For example, he gets caught up in the excitement but then takes it too far. Or he wants to keep playing and wont stop as he is enjoying it too much. This is starting to get him in trouble at school and with friends.

At home I warn him when I think he is getting too worked up. I say things like I can see you are getting excited, and that is good, but just slow it down a little.

I have tried talking to him about how he feels when he is so worked up/excited and how to recognise when it is time to stop and take some time to calm down.

I have talked to him and shown him how to take time out to calm down away from the excitement and shown him how people are telling him with their body language that they are uncomfortable with him being so over the top.

I have told him to listen when people say stop (as in ok, thats enough) when playing as otherwise they get hurt (over excitement leads to carelessness with flailing limbs and/or he doesnt recognise his own strength etc) or upset and wont want to play anymore.

All to no avail.

I am reading that spirited child book, but so far, I must be doing the techniques wrong or something because none of it seems to be getting through.

He is rapidly getting a reputation at school for being the loud over the top one that gets in trouble :(

How do I help my little boy recognise when to stop and or calm down?

We ask him what he feels like when it happens and he says he doesnt know. We tell him to calm down and he needs to know when to stop but he says he doesnt know how? How do i help teach him?

(Obviously at home I can step i and say he needs some cool down time, but at school the teacher doesnt have time to do this/cant do this so it really does need to be something he can self control iyswim?)

Just posted a reply to your other thread- again, you could so be talking about my ds! Good to see mine is not the only one like this (phew).
Tried all the same chats as you with him and like you didn't seem to make much difference.
For us, we have had so much more success after that chat with the teacher. I definitely would recommend talking to her and coming up with a joint strategy, perhaps taking ds too as i'm sure that helped enormously in our case.

Thanks sops! Will read the other thread!

Er... a lot of your post sounds quite normal to me!

My son is in Reception (and I have older children too) and getting over excited and not being able to calm down is quite normal (I think!)

I'd probably work on the not stopping when others say stop bit as I think it's reasonable to expect him to stop when another adult or child says so.

I'd ask the school for what language they use with regards to behaviour so you can be consistent at home.
For example talk quietly is "use indoor voices" and don't hurt people is "Kind hands and kind feet". They also teach Building Learning Power at our school in an age accessible way and one of the components is about learning to be a good friend. Maybe your school does this too?

Good idea re consistent language! Will do that I think. Will google the Building Learning Power. In terms of discipline, they dont seem to do much tbh, atm as far as I can tell they are sent to a quiet desk to draw. There doesnt seem to be any of the happy/sad faces or clouds or golden time that other people on MN mention! I think if he had a visual reminder it might help?

I'd be worried about the lack of discipline. The first thing "taught" at our school is the class rules so that the children know what sort of behaviour is expected. We were sent a copy that the teacher and child had "signed" and these ruled include the Makaton(?) signs under the key words in the rule so that a child who can not read words will still know what they say.

At our school, you start the day on Mr Happy, move to Mr Sad if you get a warning and then onto Mr Angry if you ignore the warning. I think it's unusual not to have some sort of visual reminder like that.