Nearly 9mo DD will NOT go to bed!

[TartyMcFarty]

We're just muddling through with this really, but it's getting no better.

DD has never slept through the night, but at the moment is worse than ever - she usually ends up in bed with us and now pretty much refuses to go to bed at all.

I'm really concerned about her lack of sleep, not to mention desperate for some time just to switch off for a while, whilst she's in bed. My options are basically to go to bed with her, but that means my evening ends at 7-8pm, keep her up with us, which means lack of sleep for her, or leave her cry. She's currently been yelling for 15 mins with no let-up, though she's definitely tired. She sounds somewhere between apoplectic and heartbroken, if you can imagine such a thing!

Sleep training doesn't work as she won't calm down without BF (I'm trying to wean her onto formula) and anyway she starts again as soon as I put her down. CC wouldn't work for the same reasons.

The last couple of days she's even been hard work to get to bed for her daytime naps.

It sounds like I'm unsupported by DH but that's not the case - it's just that she won't calm down until she's with me. That said, my mum manages better than either of us. I'm back at work part time and am really struggling on the three days when I have to go to work.

Any advice please?

If i gave Luc the toothbrush she'd prob try and poke her sis' eye out with it...violent child that she islol
Both have 5 teeth, just front ones at the moment but they're so dribbly i know the others aren't far off!
The advice was great, one mum told her child there were monkeys running all over her teeth and she had to clean them off and that pigeons were eating the crumbs between her teeth and she had to scrub the pigeons away. Made me laugh but such a smart idea!!!

Mamatomany It took me a while to realise they needed sleep in the day too and tried to keep them busy busy busy. It's so true that an afternoon or morning nap makes them much happier babies AND they still sleep through at night. I was and still am afraid to put them in their cots in the day though just incase they associate bed with something they don't like. If they look sleepy i put them into their rocking seats to sleep.I get scared that if they go to their cots and don't want to sleep, they'll play up at night, weird as it is!

Babies love their beds/cots IME, mine wanted to be in a darken room for 2 hours after lunch it just wasn't the same if they had to sleep in the car or pram.
We're the same aren't we nothing is so nice as our cosy beds, you want to develop that feeling of security and comfort in them ideally.
Bed is good and on that note, night night.

Totally agree with the 2 hour nap mama.

OMG Shelly,you have a violent child?! :(

Love the advice, My daughter loves all things gross including preferring to play with the rubbish bin than with her toys! eh hem cough which I always try to defer her away from.

Naaa, she's not that violent, just a boisterous tomboy...takes after her mama!

Don't get me started on all things gross..god knows i dettol wipe the floor excessively yet the cats still manage to bring in leaves and fur clumps which of course manage to end up in the girls' mouths!! Choice between playing with singing cuddly teddy or something the cat dragged in...something the cat dragged in...everytime!!

Yum yum! .....and the tiny crumbs on the floor are so much nicer to eat than the ham sandwich off the plate. My DD would have so much fun with your twins!!

Thank you so much for your advice and ideas ladies. Last night wasn't too bad in the end - she woke twice in the night and came in with us about 5.45am. The problem is that at the moment we live in a small terraced house and I don't like to leave her too long in the night for fear of waking the neighbours. Luckily we'll be moving to the countryside in a couple of weeks' time so I'm going to crack that bit then.

Really interesting about the daytime naps. I sometimes think she's just not a sleepy baby but it's more that she stubbornly fights it. I do try to make sure that other activities fit around her daytime sleep rather than the other way round. I get a bit and a bit at friends whose babies sleep through whatever they're doing. My DD has never been like that!

So CC for wimps it is then. As it happens I was out at college tonight so DH put her to bed. So far, we haven't heard a peep!

Sounds like the 9 month sleep regression + maybe overtiredness.

There is a great book explaining it called The Wonder Weeks by two scientists who researched all the developmental spurts up to 13 months.

They say:

"Your baby may start sleeping less well. Most babies do. She may refuse to go to bed, fall asleep less easily, and wake up sooner. Some are especially hard to get to sleep during the day. Others at night. And some stay up longer both during the day and at night."

The developmental spurt causing this happens at about 37 weeks, and there?s another one at around 46 weeks.

There?s useful information about it here, here and here.

I wouldn't try CC myself unless you're sure you're not in a sleep regression period, and unless you have a baby who releases tension by crying. I'll pop back later & explain this but DS is needing attention so must run now! :)

Sorry to disappear.

There seem to be two types of babies - those who increase tension by crying and those who release tension by crying.

Tension releasers often need to fuss/cry in order to relax before sleep. They may fuss when feeding or being rocked to sleep. Parental presence is stimulating and makes it harder for them to sleep. These are the babies for whom 'controlled crying' works really well, and there isn?t usually that much crying involved (unless they?re overtired).

Tension increasers get more and more distressed the more they cry and need a lot of help to calm down. Parental presence is likely to be soothing rather than stimulating. Controlled crying is likely to be difficult and will involve a lot of screaming. Gradual withdrawal methods like the No-Cry Sleep Solution will probably be easier.

The way to tell which sort of baby you have is to leave them to cry for short time and see whether the crying is escalating or calming down. You can read more about this on the AskMoxie blog.

I have a tension increaser, so I used some ideas from the No-Cry Sleep Solution to help him when he was waking 6/7 times a night: there's an explanation of what I did here. He went down to 2 wakings, one 45 mins after bedtime, one for a feed around 4am.

Hope that's helpful.

And often the sleep regression messes up naps - around 8/9 months my DS went from sleeping 2 hours at lunchtime to 30 mins. Of course he was overtired and woke even more in the night (and was up for an hour and a half, which happens when he's in a sleep regression or is overtired). It just changed back to the normal pattern after a week or two without me doing anything different.

crikey, it's a dubious honour to be called a guru on lack of sleep, but after a HIDEOUS start to this week (DS cutting his first molar) I feel I deserve it!

Oh wow, I always knew my DS was incapable of that 'crying down' and 'fussing to sleep' all those tough love sleep books talk so matter of factly about. It's like a totally alien concept to him - he only ever goes utterly hysterical if left alone when he's falling asleep - a throwback to his colic days. Glad to know it's not just him then. Thanks for the info Angeldog.

Glad it was useful, Poppet.