4 year old does not respect me!

[fruitstick]

I'm being over sensitive. However, I'm desperately trying to teach my son how to have more respect. For me especially.

A lot of the time it is all good jumoured but Often not.

Today, at lunch I asked him, jokingly, what he was buying me for Christmas. He said nothing because I was stupid! He knows that stupid is not allowed but does it because he knows I don't like it. He was laughing.

However I then wouldn't let him have an ice cream as he'd been cheeky.

My Dad was quite strict and I would NEVER have been cheeky. Although he wasn't always that respectful to me.

I feel like I lost out in the middle!

hi fruitstick, in my opinion i agree with you not giving him the icecream, if you have explained to him that calling people stupid is not acceptible behaviour and he continues to do it because he knows it whinds you up, then there should be a consequence to that.

i would try talking to him about respecting people around him and ask him if he can think of an example of something not nice to call someone and something nice to say aswell.
explain that its hurtful to you when he called you stupid,and explain that you would never call him stupid.

goodluck :)

Children are not born knowing about respect. It's something they have to learn.

At 4 they start to realise that you don't have infinite power over them, and will start to push boundaries. Just explain that such behaviour is unacceptable and make sure there's a consequence.

My DD(3) has been going through a stage where she does things that we have told her not to do. However, at first I was chastising her but now I ignore it and the she has reduced the number of times she behaves like that.

I am not saying it is correct but it seems to be working with DD.

I don't think you can teach respect, I think it comes from within by children watching how other people conduct themselves and behave.

Yes as Sparkle says you can't teach respect DC's don't know what it means, they are experimenting with life, reinforce the good and ignore the bad if poss. and chill a bit it's not meant personally.

Thank you all. I think I do feel I take it a little too personally .

I think I might need to have words with DH too. He's not abusive or anything but he doesn't always have the most respectful of tones. He's quite stroppy at times, even when he's only joking, and I think DS might have picked up on his manner a little .

I don't want to be one of those families that just snarl at each other all day.

On the one hand, I think you are quite right to withhold a treat if he breaks a rule (we don't call people stupid).

On the other hand, it could be that he picks up that he can make you anxious by failing to show you respect. Little boys need to believe in strong unflappable parents, anything else scares them and makes them act up, in an attempt to force the parent to prove that they are really strong and competent (it's a bit like picking at a scab).

I find what works best for me is humour, because it suggests calm and unflappability and those seem to be qualitites that ds really needs. Try not to show him that you take it personally. Ime fewer punishments, just a calm telling off, often make you look more in control.

4yos are heavily into silliness, if it's not rudeness it's potty talk and incomprehensible jokes. Often they don't realise how rude they come across.

But your dh has absolutely got to watch his manners. If he doesn't model good male manners to your ds, nobody will.