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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

9 year old son - so hard to live with

15 replies

Lonelymum · 21/09/2005 17:51

Please tell me I am not alone. My nine year old son is so hard to live with at the moment - so temperamental. The slightest thing triggers his moods and I am feeling so worn down by him. Is this hormonal? Will it pass? Yes, OK, I know it will pass when he is an adult but is it like this now until then? Please no flippant posts. I feel so worn out and at a loss as to what to do.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Fio2 · 21/09/2005 17:54

I havent got a 9 yr old son but I have a four yr old one and I am sure boys are worse than girls for stubborness. he just never lets up and I am sure his Dad being away is making things worse. But enouygh about me, i hope someone else can reassure you

jampots · 21/09/2005 17:55

my 9yo son is a joy most of the times - you should try living with a 9yo girl! or worse a 12yo girl!!!

ssd · 21/09/2005 17:59

this has depressed me no end! I've got a 7 year old son and I'm feeling just the same as Lonelymum. And I thought it'd get better as he got older - maybe not....

Original poster

Lonelymum · 21/09/2005 17:59

So no moods then Jampots? he has just told me he doesn't enjoy doing anything, he might as well not bother waking up in the morning.

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Original poster

Lonelymum · 21/09/2005 18:00

Well ssd I did read this happened to 8 yos so maybe your son is just mature for his age. I know my son is immature.

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Original poster

Lonelymum · 21/09/2005 18:07

In fact, when I think how kids are meant to bring you joy, I feel like giving up. Ds1 is a nightamre with these moods, ds2 is depressed and unable to settle in our new home, dd has always wound me up without trying, and ds3 is lovely but still only 2 so at the hard work stage. My evening class, due to start tonight, has been cancelled (tonight only). I just feel so dragged down by them all. But ds1 is the one I really could do with some advice over.

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lyla · 21/09/2005 18:58

My 10 year old son is also a real pain, always grumpy (unless hes on his xbox!) slamming doors, stamping his feet etc. Mine is alot worse when hes tired, allthough he will NEVER admit he is tired. They need alot of sleep at this age i think. sorry i cant help but you are not alone.

Original poster

Lonelymum · 21/09/2005 19:08

Mine loves the computer, but tonight he said he finds even that boring! I do make sure he goes to bed early enough (8 o'clock) but he does seem to find it hard to go to sleep sometimes and always wakes early.

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Original poster

Lonelymum · 21/09/2005 20:21

Seems this isn't that common then. Just my luck.

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jampots · 21/09/2005 20:27

LM - sorry that your ds seems a bit miserable at the moment but you have moved house/schools recently - maybe he's just taking a bit of perfectly acceptable time to settle in.

yoyo · 21/09/2005 20:34

LM - my DD is 9.5 and is impossible a lot of the time at the moment. I do think a lot of it is hormonal actually and having spoken to friends with sons and daughters around this age I think it is common. My daughter keeps going on about wanting her independence. She doesn't want to share a room with her sister or do anything vaguely kind whilst at home. She is very different when we are out or with other people. She shouts, storms off, slams doors, cries - the whole shebang. Some days I could kill her and others I feel like collapsing in a heap or leaving home myself. It will pass I'm sure.

Hope that makes you feel a little better.

tamum · 21/09/2005 20:35

I haven't had this problem with ds, who's now 10, but I can tell you that I was an absolute depressive nightmare myself at the age of 9. We had just moved too. I was utterly miserable. It took about a year before I started to feel really better, to be honest. I'm sure it will pass but it must be hard to cope with.

Original poster

Lonelymum · 21/09/2005 20:49

Sorry, maybe I confused you all. My 7 yo (ds2) is the depressive - had another cry this evening - and the one who is finding it hard to settle in his new school.

Ds1 is much happier here than he was at our old place where he was really accepted by his classmates despite being with them for 4.5 years. I don't think his moods have anything to do with school or the new town. He is just really temperamental. Eg today I bought a couple of paperbacks for him in a charity shop. I told him I had done this and the books were in his room. He rushed off to see what they are (he is not a fanatical reader but does enjoy reading sometimes) and came back in a huge strop because they obviously did not appeal to him. I said calmly, "That's fine, I'll put them away for one of the others" but he became really enclosed IYSWIM, half crying, curled up, not sulking, he seemed really distressed. That was when he came out with everything is boring, he doesn't want to go to cubs (for no reason), there's nothing he wants to do.. blah, blah.

Sorry, I know I am just ranting now and I never seem to find anyone who has a 9 yo like mine, but it just drags me down. Perhaps I should pretend to care less but then he gets into a rage that "no-one is listening to him".

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Misspiggy · 21/09/2005 21:32

Oh poor you LM. I have a 9 yo son who is upbeat for most of the time but can have really "down" days when he is in a foul mood (much worse than my DS who is 15!), nobody likes him at school, everything is boring and he just slumps on the sofa in front of the TV. It does seem to occur more when he is tired (he is hopeless if he isn't in bed by 8pm.) The way I deal with it is with lots of hugs, a bit of sympathy (but not too over the top otherwise he just winds himself up into an even worse mood)and a bit of humour which usually brings him round. Hope that helps, for what it's worth. x

ssd · 22/09/2005 13:19

LM, my ds1 who's 7 is really hard work these days too and I always feel it's because he's tired. He too isn't a great sleeper, never has been. Wakes up early and if he has a decent sleep one night then the next night he can't seem to get to sleep at all. And of course he'll do anything to avoit admitting he's tired, he seems to see it as a weakness. What annoys me is that he can be really moody and nasty to me and dh and ds2 who's 4, but he always sticks up for his friends, even when some of these "friends" are little spoilt horrors who aren't nice to him at all. I can't understand his loyalty to the friend (one in particular) who is really mean with ds1 , but ds1 wouldn't hear a word against him. It seems me and dh are the enemies. Also ds1 gets lots of treats, clubs and new stuff, but when ds2 gets anything new ds1 immediately asks when he's getting something. It really annoys me, as he gets a lot more than ds2, surely he must know this?

Anyway sorry to rant on your thread, as someone else said, you are not alone in this!

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