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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Feels like I'm the only one with a very shy grumpy toddler.

11 replies

meggymoo · 21/09/2005 15:59

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meggymoo · 21/09/2005 18:42

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Mud · 21/09/2005 18:49

stop makign him go, do things just with him. then ifn a month or so start introucting gorups slowly. he wil change a lot in the next few years. they have anit-social stages

meggymoo · 21/09/2005 18:55

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Melly · 21/09/2005 18:55

Hi meggymoo, how old is your ds? Can't really think of any constructive advice to offer you really, other than he sounds like he might be one of those personalities that will always tend to cling to you if you are there. I know some playgroups will take children without the parent/s from 2.5 - could you maybe investigate that option in your area? Do you have any other children? Could you maybe arrange for him to stay over with relatives such as grandparents to try to build his confidence? It doesn't sound like anything too major, just hopefully a phase, but I know these "phases" can seem to last forever when you are going through it and they can be so wearing. It sounds like you need a break, and it might do you both good.
Sorry I haven't got anything else to add, but I hope these couple of suggestions might help.

meggymoo · 21/09/2005 19:09

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Satine · 21/09/2005 19:11

My ds (3) is just the same. At a birthday party last week he just cried and wouldn't join in with the games, even though he knows the birthday boy really well and is so confident in small groups. To make the contrast even worse, my dd (1.3) loved it and strutted about like a peacock!

mummylonglegs · 21/09/2005 19:13

I could've written your post about my dd actually, in fact I think I wrote a very similar post around 6 months ago when dd was about 2.5. We'd go to a toddler group twice a week, both quite different, one more physical and bustling, the other library-based. She prefered the latter but at both she consistently clung round my legs and would have a couple of bouts of tears. She never once, seriously once, wandered off into the room without me. I tried loads of different tactics. So i was dreading her starting at a playgroup this September (I did start a thread about that!). On the first morning I stayed and even though I told her I wouldn't play with her there she barely left my side and cried a few times. I think the staff were looking a bit dubious . Next day i told her I was going to leave her, gently reminded her a few times that there were no other mummies there etc. etc. etc. and I dropped her off, she gave me a 'brave' kiss with slightly quavering lip. And ... and ... she didn't cry once all the time. She played with the toys and did the activities, asked the teachers for a wee and didn't ask for me once. When I picked her up I saw her skipping down a corridor holding another girls hand!

So ... my conclusion is that a lot of this stuff is done in relation to their relationship to us as their mums. They might even somewhere think we 'expect' it of them. It's too complex to speculate what goes on in a toddler's mind. But honestly if you'd seen my dd in a toddler group you'd never have believed how she settled into playgroup. Without me there.

mummylonglegs · 21/09/2005 19:15

By the way, my dd also did just what you say your ds does at toddler groups - she'd sit mutely on my knee during songs at the end, peeping out from under my armpit, then the moment we left she'd be singing at the top of her voice and gesticulating wildly to the words of all the songs!

Melly · 21/09/2005 19:15

Oh meggymoo, that's hard for you with your dh being away and no family to call on, I really hope things improve for you very soon. Please don't feel embarrassed that you posted, I never fail to be amazed at the companionship, help and advice that is to be found on Mumsnet. I too have posted messages sometimes and not had much response, sometimes it just goes like that.
Take care & chin up xx

compo · 21/09/2005 19:18

I think 16 months is still very young to be incredibly social. I think if you carry on taking him to the groups and let him watch if he wants to then gradually he will become more confident

meggymoo · 21/09/2005 19:22

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