2yr old aggression to baby sister

[trigga]

hi
My daughter is just coming up to 2yrs old and has started being aggressive to her 8wk old baby sister-pulling at her head, poking her eyes. This am she has scratched her sisters face. We respond by telling her off and putting her in her cot without toys for a couple of minutes. Is this the best way to handle the situation? She has also started pulling at the cat's tail. We know she is just looking for attention but we obviously need to stamp on this behaviour asap. Does anyone have any advice? Does anyone know of any good books for toddlers which help explain how to be kind to siblings etc?

thanks

Hmm, tricky. From my experience it's normal, and I think your zero tolerance approach is the only way to go really. But she's still fairly little, so it might take her some time to catch on. I guess you just have to be ultra vigilant in the meantime, so she can't inflict more than a scratch.

Fwiw, mine are 21 months apart, and dd1 has always, and still (at 3.2) takes the occasional push or poke (or on one occasion, an actual bite). But it's only very occasional now, usually if she's feeling ill. I also think that when I've been stressed and shouty, she's worse, ie a kind of mirror behaviour, which makes me pull my socks up sharpish!

Yes i agree zero tolerence but also lots of positive playful attention for the eldest.

Watching with interest. My darling nearly 2 yr old is constantly trying to hurt my 3 month old. It's like a constant episode of tom and jerry round here. I do the cot thing and also giving the elder one more attention. Thought it was working but it's just got worse again

Thanks, good to know I am not the only one, I dont want to be breeding an evil child!!! Today has been ok aggression wise so far... so fingers crossed!

Hey my son was just the same he was nearly 2 when my daughter was born, the main issue here is jealousy.
Try involving your daughter in helping with the baby by doing nice things for her, such as bringing a nappy, or fetching a toy and helping rub cream after a bath. Helps them feel part of this new addition, as well as the other obvious advice of making sure your eldest has time of their own with you when possible, even if its just book at bedtime alone. It will pass...

ds1 was like this to ds2. I praised him a lot when he made ds2 laugh - 'look how happy he is - you did that'. Now when he whacks his brother he will say 'make him happy again'.

I am also beginning to notice/realise how much physical interaction all children need, both boys and girls, so we do a HUGE amount of tickle fights or cushion fights, chasing games, I think this has helped a bit, channeling all that energy away from smacking their siblings. It is so upsetting though. Keep your voice low and calm, say no we don't do that, it hurts - why don't you play with him or cuddle him. Sometimes I think they don't know how to behave with younger siblings and need to be taught, almost a bit like you teach them how to stroke the cat. Encourage positive physical activities, as much as possilbe with a small baby, and show her how to handle her sister - how she likes being cuddled, or how to stroke her hair.

HTH and sorry if it's a bit waffly - jumping ds to contend with

DS1 went through mixed phases with DS2. When he first visited him in hospital we got him to stroke him and he was ace, then when we brought him home he would hopefully fetch bananas when he cried, or say he wanted milk. Then a bit later he would push him over or prod him because it made him cry. Now he proudly shows him off, and they get on fine.

I was horrifed at first, but came to realise the common pattern was that DS1 didn't really know what babies do, and was fascinated by cause and effect: both positive-feed him and he stops crying and negative, push him over and he starts. He was basically treating DS2 as a strange and odd toy. Which given his age (and your daughter's) was/is not developmentally inappropriate.

Tell her off, stop the behaviour, but don't treat her on the assumption she is being aggressive or violent. I don't think she is, just curious, and that curiosity will eventually build their relationship.

Bets of luck with parenting 2.