"sad" 7 yr old

[FarmerKate]

I've never posted on here before, but am worried about my 7 (nearly 8)yr old and would really appreciate any thoughts/advice. She is our eldest (brother 5 and sister 3), very bright (working with the yr above at school and very often bored), perfectionist, single-minded, often annoys other kids with her determination to play how she thinks best, equally she is v imaginative and has some lovely ideas. Is going through phase of being very sensitive and throwing tantrums about nothing (not helped by her father who is now primary carer as I am at work fulltime, mostly it is great but he also has a temper and neither of them will back down). But the thing that is really worrying me is she seems (and says she is) "sad". She said today that life wasn't worth living. Admittedly she was in a rage at the time, but that makes me so sad to hear. i try very hard to give them all equal love and attention, I'm usually home by 5.30 so we eat together, play games after tea, and she has a good 40 mins of my sole attention after the littlies are in bed. But she is convinced we prefer them, and as i say she just seems sad. Has some good friends at school (though with the usual little-girl psychiatric warfare), but no "best friend" (which she would love).
Is it poss for kids to get depression so young? Should i see GP? What can I do to help her to be happier? I love her so and it crucifies me that we are clealry failing her in some way...
Sorry this is so long but it is in a way cathartic just writing it all down. If you make it to the end,thanks! And if you have any suggections, even more thanks!
Kate

I think I was a similar little girl to your daughter. I remember asking a friend to kill me when I was about 9 as nobody loved me and my life wasn't worth living. I went on to be depressed for years until I got help in my early 20's. (Am much better now - job I love, 2dds etc)

I would go to the GP, but I'm afraid I don't know what you can do other than make her feel as loved as you can. Hope it all works out in the end.

I'm no expert but just wanted to post because I'm the mother of a bright 7 yr old who has recently gone through a phase of being very sensitive about everything and throwing tantrums etc. It's normal!

I think 7 is a difficult age because they have definitely left infanthood at that stage and so long to have more control over their lives, but in reality of course, can't really make many serious choices for themselves. I think this can lead to a lot of frustration and anger.

I think this is a phase tbh (my dd is improving by the day with the odd relapse here and there) and of course, with your dd being the eldest, she probably is a little bit jealous of her younger siblings and the attention you (naturally) have to pay to them. She's definitely getting lots of attention from you though (games after tea + 40 mins every day adds up to quite a lot esp. with f/t job!) so don't feel guilty!

Also at 7yrs, the shine and novelty has slightly worn off school. I think they have a greater understanding of how the week pans out and that school is a permanent factor in their lives and that there are certainly things they HAVE to do regularly and it can be a boring (washing, cleaning teeth, changing for activities, homework, getting stuff ready for next day etc etc). Everything isn't always "tea and cakes"!!

As I say, I'm no expert, but the phrase "life isn't worth living" sounds like something she has overheard rather than something a 7 yr old would say "naturally" and she is using it because it presses your buttons (my dd is an expert at this!!)

Only you can make that judgement call though; do you feel in your gut that there is something seriously wrong?

I don't know how to diagnose depression in children but is she withdrawn, quiet, or have her eating and sleeping habits changed recently?

If she seems generally OK then I would hazard a guess that this is more of a social problem at school about learning how to fit in etc. It's a tough one that they all have to go through and they are very fickle with friendships at this age.

Personally, I would just try and be very calm and reassuring with her, try and persuade your dh to keep his temper, make sure she has enough sleep, and perhaps try and get her interested in an activity she enjoys (in order to meet different friends and build her confidence).

You sound like a lovely, concerned, conscientious mother to me. She's lucky to have you! Just try telling yourself, "this too shall pass!!"

Good luck!