Please help - should I put 2.5 year old back into a cot

[Melly]

I'm having terrible problems with ds at the moment. Basically for the last few days after being an excellent sleeper from the age of 3 months, he has started to wake up in the night, early hours, and screams and creates. Keeps asking for cuddles and despite numerous visits and reassurance from me is very difficult to settle back. He used to sleep beautifully from 7 pm to at least 7 am or sometimes longer - I know that's great & I'm very lucky etc but that just makes this recent episode very hard to bear. Yesterday was awful, after waking in the early hours, he eventually went back to sleep. At lunchtime he refused to go sleep so I eventually brought him down. Decided to go for the early to bed option so had he ready for 6.15 pm. Was fine up until the point where I went to leave the room and then went biserk. This is unheard of for ds, he has always settled quite happily. He doesn't have a sleep every day so I wondered whether he might be overtired and maybe whether to reintroduce his lunchtime nap? Last night he created for nearly an hour despite me going to him a couple of times. Eventually he conked out and when I went to check on him was asleep behind the door! I managed to move him into bed. He woke at 5.30 am this morning, same thing, screaming and crying. I can't understand what has caused this sudden change in his behaviour, in particularly he seems to not like being in his bed. Dh suggested putting him back in his cot, however he is potty trained (by day) and very happily has been getting up about 7 am taking his pull ups down and weeing on the potty so I am reluctant to go down that route. I can't think of anything that would have frightened him, only maybe if he's had a couple of bad dreams and associates them with being in his bed??

Have tried putting him up for a nap and he is screaming and crying.

Please help, I'm shattered and tearful, and it's affecting my dd (aged 4( as he is waking her up.

Any thoughts or advice anyone?

Oh melly- sounds stressful and puzzling. He's definitely not ill or coming down with something? Or could he have become scared of the dark now he's a bit older? Does he have a nightlight? What is his bedtime routine like? Does it include all the usual sleep cues like dinner bath story bed at more or less set times?
If you can definitely rule out illness and/or fears I think I'd give up on the nap and really tighten up the bedtime routine for a while, expecting him to rebel and being prepared to return him to bed as often as it takes. Supernanny has an easy to remember technique for this which seems to work. First time he gets up, say "It's bedtime, darling" and tuck him up again. 2nd time just say"Bedtime" and do the same. Any subsequent times just lead him back to bed and don't say anything, even if he is tantrumming like a roaring tiger. Do you think that might work for you/him? Sometimes just having a strategy to stick to helps me. Good luck anyway, Melly. Hope things improve soon.

My DD is only 21 months, but....my neice started having nightmares at about 2.5 and apparently that is quite a common age for them. Have you tried asking him whats upsetting him in the night, and/or what might help him feel better about bed/sleep? My friend's 3 year old has also just started being scared of the dark, and leaving the light on in the hall and talking about her cuddly toys as friends who are there to look after her seems to have helped. Personally, I wouldn't go back to a cot having moved out of one - but then again I don't have any first hand experience on this one.

Good luck, hope you get some useful replies - it sounds upsetting for everyone!

Claire xx

I'm a firm believer in keeping the child in their cot for as long as possible, and would seriously consider going back to the cot in your position - as long as your ds will be happy, and not see it as something bad.

As for the morning wee situation, could you either go to him for his morning wee, or perhaps put the dropside down last thing at night, after he's settled, so that he can climb out by himself?

Overtiredness seems a very reasonable explaination for his behaviour. How long has he been in a bed? If you went back to a cot, do you think you could reinstate the afternoon nap?

Could you let him choose a new duvet cover set for his bed? How about glow in the dark stickers (well they are plastic but you can blutak them) on the wall next to his bed?

I agree this is the age that children often have nightmares.

Thanks everyone for those replies. Have just sat down and cried in front of dd (feel so ashamed) but I'm tired and upset and just know tonight will be awful. DD was so sweet, she's only 4 but said "don't worry mummy, I'll draw you a picture to cheer you up, daddy will be home on Friday and he will sort Alex out"! Bless her.
Scummymummy - yes he's got an excellent routine, always has had really, same thing, tea about 5 ish, then wind down time, bath, milk, stories and bed. He is usually ok without a nap and needs a top up every 3 days or so. I do make sure he is always early to bed if he hasn't had a sleep during the day.
Claire5 - I think you could be right about the nightmares - i did try talking to him just now and he gabbled on about a tractor so maybe this was involved in the dream or something. He does have a little plug in night light and has always been happy for me to shut his bedroom door. Maybe I could try leaving the door ajar but I'm concerned that he will wander around in the night if he gets out of bed. I suppose it's a case of keep going with the reassurance and putting him gently and firmly back into bed.
Just been speaking with a very close auntie and she agrees that it could well be nightmares. Not sure how to proceed though, just keep on with the reassurance I suppose? DD had a few bad dreams at this age but she never worried about going to bed the next night.
Prettycandles - I think with hindsight ds is the sort of character that should have been left in the cot until he physically climbed out, but because he has been in his bed for nearly six months now I don't really want to go take that route - but I suppose I could keep that option in mind if all else fails.
Foxinsocks, yes maybe a new duvet cover and stick ons would be worth a go, anything to regain his confidence.
Thanks again for your replies

When ds has nightmares it is generally a phase of 2-3 nights a week for one or two weeks. One way in which I try to help him is to find some sort of 'superpower', for example recently I took the dream from him (with hand actions IYSWIM), bundled it up and threw it out of the window where it landed on the road and a bus ran over it and squashed it. The image cheers him up so completely, and it helps to reassure him that the dream is gone for good. Then I cuddle him for a while and tell him that we'll go back to his bed when he's ready. It can take anything from 1 or 2 minutes to 20mins cuddling - as silent as possible - but he always settles down again if I give him as long as he needs. Yes, I'm then knackered the followign day, but he doesn't fear going to bed if he knows that we can deal with any nightmare.

Has your ds been watching any potentially scarey videos? It might not seem scarey to you, but might freak him - ds is petrified of one particular Thomas video!

And BTW, your dd sounds an absolute gem. Don't worry too much about crying in front of her - it's good for her to see that Mummy can get upset but can also cope with being upset, she gets better afterwards.

there is one thomas video with a nasty diesel in it (and he has a sort of 'grabber' thing on his roof which snaps shut) - ds and dd were terrified!

I know this may not work for some but we found that giving ds fish oils seemed to stop his nightmares (well it certainly seemed to stop him waking up screaming). He was 3 when we started giving him them so I'm not sure from what age you can start. Every time I run out of them, he starts waking up again and 1-2 days after starting them again, he sleeps peacefully. I have no idea if it is a fluke but it works for us!

Thanks for those suggestions, will try the one you suggested Prettycandles, like the sound of that. Agree with both of you that it might have been something he saw on the telly, they are limited to either Ceebeebies or Nick Junior but as you say, what seems innocent enough to us could terrify a 2.5 year old. Am psyching myself up now for tonight's bedtime, he refused a nap at lunchtime so will try to make sure he's in bed early.
That's very interesting about the fish oils foxinsocks, will certainly bear that in mind.

Just an update, last night was ok, ds went down alright he just wanted me to leave his bedroom door open a little bit, he was so knackered that he was asleep in about 2 minutes. He slept really well but then still woke up crying at 5.30 am. I had left the landing light on as well. So, seem to have sorted the settling into bed alright but need to crack this 5.30 am business
Must admit I brought him into bed with me so that he wouldn't wake dd but he didn't go back to sleep and neither did I. Not sure if i've made a rod for my own back now.....dh (who works away during the week) is against bringing them into bed but it isn't him that has to deal with these situations, he always has a very strong opinion but never gets up in the night if there's a problem. Never mind, they are both off to Auntie's this afternoon and staying overnight to give me a break.

early morning wakings are the worst aren't they!

Did you turn off the landing light? I think quite a lot of children (and adults!) come into a light sleep at around that time and any light will probably wake him up properly.

It's very hard when you have an older child - we went through ages when ds used to wake up dd and eventually I had to move him into the spare room (they were sharing) because it wasn't fair on her.

I think 2.5 is probably too young for a clock (to tell him he can only wake up and get up at a certain time). I can't really think of anything else but I suppose, at least you've made some progress with him actually going to sleep! Have a good sleep tonight!

Hi DS is 2.3 and we had a while where he was waking up really upset several times in the night. He'd go to bed really well, but then woke later, we used to put a night light on when we went to bed and shut his bedroom door. I guessed at it being nightmares for him, but don't know for sure.

I hope you are able to help him soon and yourself xx it's horrible that helpless feeling, but it sounds like you are doing brilliantly.

H x

agree with fox insocks..ds [23mths] was waking at 5am over the summer due to it being light. We have blackout curtains and blinds in his room now which works well and he has amazingly been sleeping until 7-7.30am...even 8am a couple of times. I would switch the landing light off when you go to bed. Or even let him have a light in his room he can switch on and off..ds has this so if he wakes in middle of night he tends to turn it on and then if we go to the loo we pop in and switch it off. It is mounted on the wall with a little switch and he loves it cos its in the shape of a car.

Thanks for the further messages. Ds is staying at auntie's tonight so it will be interesting to hear how he gets on. I think you're right Nemo that I probably should turn off the landing light before I go up, I remember from his baby days reading that they come into a light sleep around 5.30 ish so probably better to keep light to a minimum. His bedroom has always been very dark, blackouts etc but we did introduce a nightlight when he was potty trained. Hopefully I will crack it in the next few days but for tonight it's a large glass of wine and early to bed for me