DS 'ignores' people

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Please help and advise me.

DS 6.3 is a well behaved boy (mostly!), but he seems to have a problem with communicating?

If he's watching TV you have to touch him to get his attention. Sometimes when he's playing and a child talks to him he doesn't respond. If I'm there in the room I'll encourage him/ get his attention. Often I'll say sharply 'DS x is talking to you' and he'll listen but not respond and carry on doing what he's doing.

Now I have got quite annoyed with this in the past but have come to realise he's not being rude he just finds conversation difficult if its not a subject he's interested/ knowledgable in or a child wants him to do something he doesn't want too he'll not answer instead of saying no. He listens to the child and then just stands there until the silence gets too much and then he goes off.

Lately when other children have come to tell tales that DS is ignoring them I have begun to say touch his arm and he'll respond or say its just the way he is/ he finds it hard to talk when he's playing. Sometimes this causes problems as when DS has come out of his world and tries to talk to the children they'll refuse saying they'll ignore him as he ignored them.

Now I know this sounds precious but I know he's not doing it to be rude.

He can talk for England about something but if you ask him a question he just seems to get confused and wander.

Any advice or help about how to deal with this??

Are you sure he doesn't have a problem with his hearing?

He has recurrent fluid in his ears altho seems to have been fine for a while now. I first got him tested as I say he's always been like this.

Its hard to describe but it is almost like he doesn't want/ or know how to have a conversation unless he can't control its outcome iyswim.

Its like he doesn't 'get' social engagment despite my wanting/ trying/ encouraging and teaching him.

Thanks LeninGrad. It was a very interesting read and I could see some of the characteristics in DS. The thing is though that he doesn't seem to avoid direct demands - but he does get distacted and go off on a tangent so maybe this is avoidence not as I see that he's just very easily distacted. He is in no-way agressive and has never had a temper tantrum about not getting his own way but we went through a period of him getting very cross when playing with other children if things weren't making sense to him. The school said when he started he was hitting/ kicking other children but this only ever happened at school, it wasn't at nursery and never at home - could this be becuase of the demands school suddenly out on him.

TBH I'm pretty sure thats not what it is but I'll contact the organisation and have a chat as sometimes telling someone what a child is like and them listening and saying yes/no s easier than reading a list of characteristics and trying to 2nd guess if the childs 'quirks' are similar to this or not.

Thanks again Lenin.

Could be some sort of auditory processing issue? DD has this to an extent (although she has all sorts of other stuff going on as well because she has autism). She often doesn't "hear" if there's lots of background noise, although her hearing is perfect. Try googling auditory processing disorder and see if it sounds familiar. We tend to use strategies - touching her on the arm, making eye contact, etc, but it's frustrating when other people/kids thinks it's rude!!

There is a nice book called "Receptive Language Difficulties" by Liz Baldwin. It has chart showing different developmental stages of listening/sharing attention. Younger children can't stay on task whilst simultaneously answering a question ... it's a learning curve. He might be a bit lower on that curve than others his age (perhaps he compensates with excellent concentration?)

sounds like he would really benefit from a social skills booster group in school (where they practice answering questions) so perhaps worth mentioning to teacher?

like any skill, I think he needs practice, starting at the level he's at right now, not the level he theoretically should be at.

Thanks thats all lovely advice and helpful. Yes, despite the fluid in his ears DS hearing is fine - I'm not sure the school has any social groups but I'll ask. The teacher knows and syas DS is behind in this area but because he's the yougest they always make allowances but I think the gap is widening.

I'll look out that book elgnil - perhaps the library will have a copy.

I'll look up auditory processing disorder too.

Its really hard because sometimes I really notice it and at other times it doesn't seem so prevelant. I wonder if its to do with the dc's he's around at the time? EG Ones that will just get on with things and those that whine and tell tales over everything??

Is he on the Autistic spectum maybe? I have hear one in ten men have it to some small degree.

I thought APD too, especially if he's particularly bad when watching TV

I've looked at auditory processing disorder but he doesn't seem to fit with the trouble with spelling - well not phonetically anyway.

Sometimes when he's watching TV and eating dinner () he'll get up and be drawn in by the TV and when I go and touch him he looks at the fork as if thinking 'what am I doing?', he just can't help it. I do switch the TV off when he has to do something but anytask he's doing he gets distracted from.

We have been out for a meal tonight as DB is off with forces abroad on Friday, his friend (DB's) was there and was talking to DS about rock climbing as he had a magazine and DS listened very well.

It seems its when he's engrossed in something he's not interested almost in taking his attention away from it?

EEERRRR Its so hard.

It does seem like its developmental about 95% of the time and behavioural the rest. But then again I suppose the 5% behavoiural probably is as everyone has their days when they just want to be left alone.

school agree that he has poor social communication overall. I do talk to him about responding but I agree that if he does respond with incentives then I'll know its behavioral. Meanwhile I'll look at what it could be and speak to his teacher and see what he's like at school. Thanks.