Fussy eating 2.10 year old - ideas for dealing ?(long)

[sazlocks]

DS1 is 2.10 and seems to be gradually eating less and less variety. I weaned him at 6 months with a variety of puree and finger foods. Always offered a wide variety of home cooked foods, we all eat together as a family every night and most meals in the day as he is not at nursery, DS1 helps with the cooking sometimes.
He is around the 9th centile weightwise has struggled with constipation in the past but that has been well controlled for 18 months or so.
Have always tried to create a relaxed atmosphere at mealtimes. Gently encourage him to try meals but never force him or make negative comments if he doesn't. Offer lots of praise if he tries a new food. In the last 6 months have started offering him a meal and if he refuses he just gets fruit and nothing else to eat.
He eats cereals, dried fruit, any fresh fruit, yoghurt, cake, rice pudding, pasta with cheese sauce, cream cheese, humous, spinach, carrot and cheese pancakes, Vegetable and lentil soup, bread, eggs, fish fingers, chips, baked beans, milk and that is about it.
When I look at it as a list it doesn't look bad but I listen to other parents whose toddlers seem to eat a huge variety of family meals and I just feel depressed that we seem to be stuck in an ever decreasing food rut with him. On the other hand DS2 who is nearly 10 months and BLW eats anything !
Any ideas of anything else we could try , reassurance etc grateful fully received

I think he is eating a good range of food, I would be delighted if DS would eat that. I think you are doing everything fine - no stress, offering only fruit as an alternative etc.

It is really hard, but it is not your fault. Other people might have toddlers that eat but they may have different problems. I just put something on DS's plate that I know he will eat and then let him get on with it. He will now eat fish fingers

Thanks - its hard isn't it and I do feel like I have failed in some way.
On the positive side he is lovely and very even tempered

I have a lovely dd who is 3 soon and she eats very little variety. Don't worry it all looks good, and you can always compare him to my dd who has cucumber as her vegetable intake

I have DTs, DD is v fussy and DS isn't. Both weaned the same, every meal is the same, same conditions etc etc - so I KNOW at least that it is nothing to do with me and everything to do with them!!! I try and offer a couple of options at every meal so both are happy - she always picks what she knows, he always tries something new. Just different personalities (age 3.6)

I get hugely stressed about DD eating, about their table manners, etc etc. But every now and then I do a food diary, and when I consider what they have eaten over 3 days in terms of nutrition (protein, carbs, vitamins) it is actually fine. Still get stressed though!

What do you specifically expect/want him to eat that he doesn't?

Wow, I wish DS would eat all of that! Particularly the pasta - it is SUCH hard work having a toddler who won't eat pasta in any form. DS will eat most meat, most fish, rice, green beans and peas and NO other veg, and potatoes in most forms if he feels like it. Ditto bread, but he prefers home-baked. Cereal sometimes. Fruit, but only apples, bananas satsumas (which I ration because they make his nappies unspeakable) and most soft fruit (which isn't in season any more). He was BLW'd, which I hoped would mean he'd eat whatever we ate and so on, but he's just got pickier as he gets older.

I think you're doing the right thing - above all, by keeping relaxed and positive at mealtimes, which is something I can't always manage myself. It is frustrating though, not being able to tuck into a family meal together (unless it's a roast with potato and green beans. He'll share that).

oh I have given up with my DS!! To be honest i don't worry at all. he hardly eats anything, though he is now dropping things he has always eaten. Today he ate small amount of wafer thin chicken 5 oven chips and 2 sausages, all day. You would never know it to look at him though! oh and he drinks milk too - I once stopped giving him milk, made no difference whatseover. I also think he has some sensory issues with food and his mouth. he is 3.2

Reshape - DD ONLY eats pasta. And some bread. She has to have pasta every meal. Won't eat rice or potatoes in any form! Yo can send your DS round to share in our Sunday roast and DD can come and enjoy a bolognese with you!!!

penona

To give you some perspective, DS will eat:

sausages
fish fingers
fish cakes
mash (with hidden veg)
ready brek (fruit puree)
peanut butter sandwiches
waffles
yorkshire puddings
toast.

That is IT.

Your DS eats a really good balance of foods.. don't worry about lack of variety, toddlers don't care about that. You should be able to hide loads of veg in the soup, if you don't already.

Seriously, don't worry.

Yes agree with Jareth, kids don't seem to care about what they eat in terms of variety and interest - it is mostly just fuel to them. I also find tiredness makes a huge difference - much more success with new things at lunch than evening meal.

I did read in a book somewhere, how hard it is to accept your kids aren't that interested in food when you as the adult spend all day thinking about the next meal (or at least, I do!) and trying not to snack!!

That seems like a decent mix - my DS only ate sausages, broccoli, yoghurt, banana, marmite and bread for months around that age (the latter three were often consumed as a combo). He eats everything now - nursery school really helped with that. I wouldn't worry, they all seem to get past it and attention might cause more problems than solve them

Can I join in?

For dinner DS2 (4) will eat

pasta/ gnocci with tomato sauce and cheese
Spag bol/ chilli con carne with rice or pasta
Sausages and beans
Dippy egg and toast
Pizza (but only the really nasty cheap ones)

I've given up fighting for the moment. I cook a lovely Sunday roast for us and ds1 and give ds2 pasta with home-made tomato sauce from the freezer

If my ds (almost 2) ate half of those things I would cheer!
We had a thread going a wee while ago with some of us fussy-eater-mums (hello Maxybrown!)
I too have resigned myself to the fact that it's a losing battle, just let him have what he wants, he'll be ok.
I read somewhere (prob here!) recently that toddlers become more accepting of new foods again at the age of 3 and a half.
Don't worry

OP, that sounds like a good range of food and very healthy. Give it a year and I bet he will be more interested in trying new things.

My uber-fussy DS1 age 3.8 is very slowly starting to try new things. A year ago he would only eat bread, cheese, fish fingers, fruit, yoghurt, sweetcorn, peas. Now he will also accept pizza, cous cous, risotto, broccoli, carrots, meatballs and most helpfully, pasta!

Can I just suggest NOT praising when he tries something? Remove the whole idea of praise or not from the family meal setting? Food shouldn't be tied up with pleasing parents. Being 'good' or 'not good'. It should be 'parent neutral'

That said, I think you may have to ride out the fussy stage and that list of foods doesn't sound too bad.

Thanks very much all - it really does help to have your feedback and opinions. I think the bottom line for me is that I would like us all to sit round the table and enjoy the same meals at least some of the time. I don't know how realistic that is at this stage. He will start nursery when he is 3 and I am hoping that will help.
I get frustrated when I hear of friends children that will seemingly eat anything, anywhere. I really feel as though friends judge me for not having got on top of it yet but I am sure those feelings are coming from me as much as them.
Interesting what you say about not praising otchayaniye - it makes a lot of sense and I will give that some more thought.

You are doing great - please don't worry about it. Just keep trying new meals on in him and not fussing. I'm much like you as I will only offer fruit as an alternative to meals - and we don't do special kiddie meals also.

I think whether you BLW or not when babies (I am only speaking of NT here as SN often have food sensitivities) become toddlers they develop their own sense of control and also get notoriously funny with some foods and some textures, such as sauces.

As any family of two or more will demonstrate, some children are brought up in the same environment, but are demonstrably more or less fussy than their siblings, and do grow out of it. Please don?t blame yourself.

As anyone with a very fussy child will tell you, this is a battle of wills you won?t win and you just have to ride it out, but at the margins these things may help. I?ll add that I lived in Asia (live in Russia now) and it does seem that children were/are less fussy than in the west, this may be down to different cultural practices and more eating together as a family ? I don?t know.

You could try this. It may help a bit.

If you can, eat as many meals together as a family. Don?t cook kid?s meals. Eat the same food. (ie if partner doesn?t come in til later every night cook what you?d cook for a family and keep it warm for him)

Make no comment about the food when serving it. Oh, and don?t serve too much (I always do and keep reminding myself that they often only eat small portions). Sometimes a large wodge can overwhelm a kid.

Don?t encourage, mention, lift up gobbets to the mouth, praise, admonish. Nothing. Only mention the food in passing, as you would naturally. Don?t watch, sneak glances.

If they get down, let them. (Mine infuriates me doing this but I let her and she always comes back. I just refuse to have ?words? at dinner time. It?s our nice time) No telly, loud radio, just maybe some nice music.

If nothing is eaten, clear it away and say nothing. You could offer fruit, but don?t offer alternative meals, like bread or starchy stuff. They will not wither away by not eating that much for dinner.

Don?t worry if they don?t eat much in a few days (I know it?s hard, I have a 9th centiler myself). Of course, if you do this over the course of a week and they are starving themselves, then pause for reflection.

Engage them in food. Ask them through the day what they like and then cook it together.

Limit snacks to less filling fruit (I?m trying to do this more, mine is a biscuit mad thing) so they are hungrier at meal times.

I?m not saying my set up is perfect, and my BLW child is definitely entering a phase where she plays up more at dinner and refuses some things. And she?s a demon for snacks (gets round my husband like a dream and he looks after her for half the week) which I?m trying to work on. But we eat every meal together (we are lucky) as a family, she eats what we eat (within reason, I hold back the sezchuan peppercorns and birds eye chillies until I?ve served her portion) or else she doesn?t eat. I?m not a hard-hearted old cow, serving searing hot curries and sezchuan food every night and do think/ask what she?d like and we have that (lots of vietnamese as she likes the sweetness and roasts) But we?ve always eaten nice meals together and hope that will continue. I am preparing to eat my words though.

Good luck

"I get frustrated when I hear of friends children that will seemingly eat anything, anywhere. I really feel as though friends judge me for not having got on top of it yet"

It's probably their insecurity (or innate boastfulness) that makes them brag about what their kids eat. I never bring up the subject of what my kid eats and only mention it here as its germane.

Would you judge me because my 2.10 DD came into our bed for ?booby? at 3am and isn?t sleeping through every night? I knew one neighbor who clucked and tutted when I mentioned it at some toddler group, as if I was ridiculous. The other side of that coin was she did controlled crying to get her kid there at 6 months. Probably meant she was on heightened alert to criticize or judge parents who hadn?t. It didn?t bother me.

Many, many toddlers are fussy and start off non-fussy and become fussier as they gain control over their surroundings. It is not rare and you are not a bad parent and you are probably (understandably) sensitive and blind only to those whose kids eat everything.

What otchayaniye says makes complete sense.

My DD is 2.9, and she was a dream to wean. Tried everything, enjoyed most things, but since turning two she has become far more awkward picky. It is SO frustrating to serve meals she happily ate as a younger toddler and have them rejected for being 'too mocky'. (I don't know what mocky means, only that it is DD's biggest insult)

I think in her case she is rejecting them because she can, so to a certain extent we ignore it. We always eat together, and talk about our days rather than the food. If she doesn't eat it, it's not mentioned, but I don't offer alternatives. She will eat if she's hungry, and hasn't wasted away!

I don't want my mealtimes becoming a battleground.

The thing is, there a million different suggestions around, some may be helpful, some not. As there are lots of deciding factors - personailty, clashes of personailty, sensitivities, real dislikes and so on.

We have always always sat together as a family, DS will often try things too, but all of it has made no difference. My son used to eat Broccolli like it eas a lollipop, now he can spot any veg at 100 paces. He has not had a drop of veg touch his lips for about a year now, and that was only "trying it" he prob last ate veg at about a year (he is 3.2 now) have a look at my profile - there are some pics of him on there, he looks the picture of health and he has endless energy.

I think my sons possible sensitivites to foods are a seperate issue. he has severe speech delay - most probably verbal dyspraxia, but aside from that (ha!) no special needs. As he got past one, he became fussy with foods touching each other on the plate - though that seems to have subsided, but then is it because I without thinking, keep the foods seperate - or he has a bigger plate now so the things naturally don't touch? I am not sure tbh!!

The last 2 months ahve seen him stop eating things he loved too he has never eaten potatoes apart from mash, and loved it, but now he gags like mad on it. he stll loves fish - his saving grace i guess! Oh and fwiw, if he never had chocolate again he wouldn't care and he is not into biscuits or cake either. He has now been up 2 hours and not eaten a bean...............sigh

Thanks to all of you who have added more posts since I last looked. I really appreciate the detail you have gone into and his has given me lots more to think about.
I think, reading your posts, that we are pretty much doing everything we can at the moment. The key thing is for me to learn to relax about it and not be as sensitive.
Thanks again

I have a 2 year old who has suddenly gone off everything except a handful of old favourites that get wheeled out each day. I have found the whole process recently very frustrating though she doesn't seem to be any worse the wear for her limited menu of what she agrees to eat. Thanks for all the tips and advice on this link, think I need to just chill out a bit and be thankful she's eating a variety (if somewhat limited) of healthy foods overall and wait till this phase passes whilst not getting too stressed about it. Sometimes easier said than done but will try to keep staying positive! Thanks everyone.

Just re reading this thread - still really useful advice and bumping in case its relevant for anyone else.

I was just going to come on and start a thread about this!
It's practically the same situation as everyone else (which makes me realise it's probably just the way things go):
DD 2.6, Ate everything until 2 and then went all fussy. Hasn't touched a vegetable unless it's been hidden inside something else for 4 or 5 months.

The thing which gets me is that she is becoming entirely unpredictable and will eat something one day and not the next, which makes for difficult meal planning!

After reading this I'm just going to take it in my stride and not offer her alternatives, particularly as today she refused to eat a tuna sandwich and when I ignored her reaction she eventually picked it up and ate most of it!