At wits end with 7yo dd's behaviour

[alittlebitshy]

I will apologise in advance if this is disjointed as a) i am writing things down as they come to mind, and b) I am at work so up and down from the desk. Please bear with me .

Okay. My dd is 7yo. She has always been pretty highly strung since toddlerdom. But the tantrums, meltdowns and appalling behaviour have carried on and on.

It does not help that I have a temper and have become more and more likely to lose it with her thus ending up with us arguing horribly at each other when i know know know i should have remained the adult and calm .

She can be rude (mostly to us, not at school, but more and more in front of others though not normally to them) with no ability to calm down despite knowing deep down that what she is doing is not on).

Meltdowns can happen at the flick of an emontional switch. You know - when i say no to something or when she gets frustrated (happens a lot),or when she has a quarrel with a friend. NOTHING on this earth can stop them. Believe me i have tried. She can't even get herself into a state to try techniques to calm herself down.

She has always had issues with her friends. she can be bossy and overbearing and cannot seem to grasp that they don't always want to play what she wants, then gets cross when they don't want to play or suugest something else (and tries to say that they won't ever let her choose).

We thought she was coping better at her new school (she asked to take the 7+ so when she got into the shcool without tutoring, we let her go - all her choice, and it has 3 forms in a year as opposed to the 1 in her previous school, so theoretically more choice of friends) but at parents' evening today her teacher mentioned that she has fallings out with people, especially one particular girl, then gets upset so doesn't concentrate as well. ARGH.

We just do not know what to do.

She is bright, can be lovely sweet and kind and is often such an amzing big sister to ds who is 2, but her temper issues and her nastiness are more and more getting in the way.

I worry a lot that it is my fault. bad parenting, losing my temper:(

We are intending to see the gp and try and get some sort of referral to a child therapist or behaviour specialist as she needs to be happer and calmer and just more sorted and we have no idea how to achieve that.

I don't know whether to think she has an underlying issue or if it is just her/me/parenting.

Anyone with any experience or wisdom?

Thanks from a sad mummy.

I think you are doing the right thing by getting some outside help. It's obviously affecting your family enough to bring it to this. I also agree that your behaviour and the way you react to her will be mirrored and amplified iyswim. The day I stopped yelling at my ds2 (dx adhd), our world changed, for the better. Also, she may be a bit young, but I've just finished reading 'The Explosive Child', it has some really good strategies for defusing meltdowns and conflicts before they start.

thanks - will look for that book.

There have been quite a few threads about 7 year olds driving parents nuts (it's what drew me here). But, I think you're right to get an opinion from your GP. I think you'd be better to go without DD so you can discuss her freely. Also, she'd probably behave like an angel!