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Behaviour/development

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Here we go again - defiant ds aged 5.5

26 replies

WinkyWinkola · 14/11/2010 11:59

I need to rant.

My ds is driving me nuts. I feel like his behaviour is ruining our family life. He's defiant to the extreme.

Every single thing I ask him to do is met with no and shouting and screaming.

He's been like this for years. There was a slight improvement when he started school but now his defiance is back in full effect. Of course, he's an angel at school. He's described as very bright and able.

Even the start of the day is awful. He wakes us up at 5.15 despite our having a gro clock and asking him to read (he's a great reader) and play in his room until the sun is up at 6.15am. He comes in and wakes us up, asking to play on our iPhones. If we tell him to go back to his room, he starts shouting and screaming, slamming doors. He just doesn't seem to care about the consequences. We are strict with him, putting him in his room when he misbehaves.

We go swimming lesson - he shouts and screams about it. Ask him to come and sit down for lunch - he shouts and screams. Ask him to get dressed, he kicks up a fuss, throwing toys, slamming doors. He's gone to school in his pyjamas twice now. He didn't like that but he still is very difficult when it comes to getting dressed. What else can I do? We take away his telly session, take away toys, favourite dvds, books, reward him with his favourite activities.

It's a nightmare. I can't describe how stressful it is particularly as the grown up, I simply can't seem to find a way around it. We've tried talking to him about why he's so good at school and rude at home. He doesn't know why.

I am crying as I write this because I hate life the way it is in our family at the moment. His behaviour spoils every weekend, every family thing we do. It's extreme and I don't know what to do about it. Nobody else believes us - but he's such a good boy, I can't believe it. He can't be worse than any other child is what I hear. I don't really talk about him to any friends or my mum anymore.

The thought of being just me, dh, dd and ds1 is such a relief - it's all so easy when he's on a play date for example. Everyone is relaxed, not walking on eggshells, waiting for the next rage over nothing.

Dh is now talking about boarding school for ds1 because of the negative impact his behaviour is having on all of us. It would mean going without lots of stuff but the intense level of conflict would be gone.

Right now, I just lie in bed every morning, listening to him scream his head off and wondering where we went wrong and really not having any desire to get out of bed to face the day. How have we f*cked up so very badly? How can a five and a half year old have such a massive impact on everyone in our house? Sorry to sound so self pitying.

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 15/11/2010 20:44

Earlyriser, you are so right.

For ages, dh and I have just wanted to make things better. We thought we'd do that by trying to solve the problem with talking, shouting - when it all got too much and basically attention giving.

When he starts, we have now pledged just to put ds1 in his room on his bed with a book (which he flings across the room) and leave him to it and lavish attention on our other two. It might not work but perhaps it will give our other two a sense of space in our family.

Dh has always said ds would have been better as an only child. I had some one-on-one time with him on Saturday morning - we went to the park, he rode his bike, went on swings, lots of fun - and he was perfect. We had a real laugh and I remembered how it was just me and him when he was a baby and toddler. I'm certain he enjoyed it too. But his behaviour was much worse after that.

I'm touched by the kind words of wisdom I've received on this thread. Thank you.

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