too competitive?

[cathill]

My shy 4 year old son has a v. competitive friend and while this sometimes pushes him on in a positive way, it sometimes pushes him over the edge! She's just joined his football lessons and he ended up in tears as she had scored more goals than him! Her mum and I are great friends and don't want to cause friction, or take away his only proper friend, but what can I do? I feel it could be eating away at his confidence.

Just talk to him, on his level, and say that he is your special boy and things like scoring goals don't really matter. Praise his own special achievements, whatever they may be. Be positive about his little friend while also reminding him how clever he is too. Don't try to minimise her little successes or denigrate her in order to make him feel better - that would just encourage the competitive atmosphere, I think.
If you feel the girl's mother is too pushy or whatever, I would maybe try to seek out some other friends for your son, rather than take it up with her. If you took it up with her you would only get accused of being 'jealous' of her daughter.
I have had exposure to this mind of thing too - my dd was late to talk and my friend's child was very chatty from an early age. While I doubt my dd noticed it (she was too young) I sometimes felt my friend was a bit inclined to use her dd to show off. (she's a really nice woman by the way, and it is hard to desist from boastful behavior when one's child seems advanced or ahead of others!). Now it's all become irrelevant as my child has totally caught up. Your son will find his own areas in which to shine and then, hopefully, the atmosphere between you all will become more relaxed. Late developers and shy kids often prove to be very bright in the longer term.